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Original poster

Support for Spook 3

413 replies

ponygirl · 28/08/2004 21:33

Here it is!

OP posts:
beetroot · 14/09/2004 11:35

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spook · 14/09/2004 11:40

Oh Beety. Thanks. Do you think so???It's not just me going mad is it?? He definately can't just say cheerio here's your train ticket can he? It's not quite over yet...feel like Scarlett bloody O'Hara. Going back to Tara now to plan my offensive.

Blu · 14/09/2004 11:43

Spook - I thought Beety was saying he's keeping you on a string - stringing you along - so that you don't take his boys to london - which is a long way from 'stay with me', isn't it? See my post of 11.05.....

beetroot · 14/09/2004 11:47

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spook · 14/09/2004 11:52

Sorry Blu. Our posts crossed. I didn't even see that 11.05 one. Girls I KNOW you are all right BUT...just can't quite stop believing.It's the only thing that gets me through the day (until I pick up my boys anyway!)

Blu · 14/09/2004 11:57

I can understand that Spook - and it's easy for us to be so stark and bald, from the outside. But, FWIW, I think you are doing exactly the right things both to protect yourself whatever his most worst thoughts may be, as well as acting in the way most likely to make him think twice if he has any capacity left to do that. So nothing lost. Keep as calm as you can, keep as strong and clear as you can - as you were in teh e mail, and keep busy - as you are, til your lovely boys come home.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

spook · 14/09/2004 12:10

Thanks Blu. Thats good to hear. I am trying! Lots of love

beetroot · 14/09/2004 12:13

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spook · 14/09/2004 18:24

Uh oh. He's getting nasty again. So much for his fucking fog lifting. I had to mail him concerning a trip I am taking to London and child care.I questioned at the end of the mail if he'd decided anything about selling the house. This was his response...

I don't want it on the market until we know what the settlement is.
I also do not want the boys taken out of this school.
There is a lot to sort out before we can move forward.

I have sorted out your overdraft twice and paid money into Ibiza.
In order to accommodate this and cover the overdraft needed to pay the
mortgage
whilst I was negotiating my financing and not earning, I need the
portfolio
money. Have you had the paperwork? I know you have sent word through
your lawyer that you don't want me to cash it in but I am £18k overdrawn
as a result of not being paid for 5 months and need the money. It has
been
spent on both of us.

I replied that through his choice we ARE moving to London and I am tired of telling him the same thing over and over agian.
We have arranged to meet for a coffee on Friday...gulp...I know it is going to kill me but this e-mail and text relationship is just not working. I want to get moving with my new life be it with him or without him. Ofcourse now I am totally excited about Friday and already in a tizz about what to wear etc. I am even raising my own eyes to heaven at my pathetic behaviour so Christ knows what you all think of me!

anorak · 14/09/2004 18:31

If he needs cash all the more reason to put the house on the market. It's not likely to sell overnight, is it? These things take time. When will you find out what the settlement is?

Hide that art. Change the locks. No matter what you do do not let him sweet talk you into doing things his way unless you see the reasons and it suits you too. He is bound to have an ulterior motive.

spook · 14/09/2004 18:36

Anorak-I don't even know what it means when he keeps banging on about the "settlement" Is that what we are both left with after this whole sorry episode is over-ie what I've got for my new life?? Or does he mean how much maintenance he has to pay etc? Surely none of this can be done until he fills in the relevant financial statements. The very one I gave him at the beginning of fucking March and he has chosen to ignore. What the hell is he on about?? And surely the house going on the market is not going to have any effect on his "settlement" And how dare he mentin that he's paid off my overdraft. That's his fucking job. I am bringing up his children.
Anyway-now to the important issues...what am I going to wear on Friday?? ....joke..

spook · 14/09/2004 18:37

AND-I've not had a drink for 2 nights due to my stinking cold. Well I am bloody well going to have one tonight. Now infact. Where's that Zombie?

fabarooney · 14/09/2004 19:02

Clink, from Fabarooney who is into her second gin (well, it is an hour later over here on mainland Europe)! You are going to be fine, Spook.

spook · 14/09/2004 19:04

Oh cheers fabarooney. Where are you??

anorak · 15/09/2004 10:34

Surely he has a legal obligation to fill in those forms? Can you obtain a court order to get him to do it? I'd have a word with my solicitor if I were you. This stinks of delaying tactics. I'd be concerned that he is creating a delay in order to hide money that he should be sharing with you.

Totally agree about the overdraft. He doesn't want you to go to London and start a business so you can earn money. And he doesn't want to pay off your overdraft. CLASSIC control freak behaviour. As long as there is no settlement he can pretend everything belongs to him and loosen or tighten the purse strings at will.

Blu · 15/09/2004 19:31

Hmmmm.
Not sure what to make of it at all. What timescale have you envisaged for moving, Spook? Presumably you can't buy a house in London until you kow what the settlement (assets and ongoing maintenance) is? What place does signing the divorce papers have in all this? Isn't 'settling' the next step? I agree - get the lawyer to put pressure on him to fill in the financial form. And tell him you won't agree to releaase the portfolio until after he has! (might not be sound advice - I know nothing of these things).

As to Friday, and more important matters, - a choice between the Cinderella look - saggy raggy cheap clothes, hands red raw, stringy hair, threadbare bag from Claires Accessories - and be sure to meet somewhere where all his friends and business contacts will see him and shame him, and ostentatiously squirrel food off the plate into your bag as if saving for later, OR very businesslike and together. Don't mess with me i'm in control Trouser suit, sensible ball-breaking go-getter woman top, briefcase type bag - and v feminine perfume.

spook · 15/09/2004 19:39

Hi girls....next instalment...todays mail..

How am I being horrid?
I want to know the settlement figure to see if I can raise
the money for you without having to sell the house: ie buy you out
so I can let you move and consider doing it up.

Gems, I want to help you be happy again but you can't take
the boys out of their school, they are doing too well. I know you will
put the blame back on me for having to move them but it really is
not that simple.

I would like to see the boys more often- its getting to be once a week
and that's not enough. I can pick them up from school on Friday
and take them for tea-I presume they are staying over on Saturday?
I will call to speak to them tonight.

As far as the Solicitor is concerned, you tell them what to do. If
we don't put some money into the account now, your overdraft,
the mortgage etc etc wont get paid. The bank have been very
lenient with me but are now asking for funds. You and your
solicitor can see my bank statements if needs be.

Where do you want to meet on Friday?x

Mmm. Have agreed to sign off the portfolio. I am now 4 grand overdrawn and I have seen hi bank statement and it's not pretty so I do know where that will be going. As for buying me out! He is in cloud cuckoo land. Where in Gods name is he going to find that kind of money??We have 2 houses worth 1.7 million quid (though hugely mortgaged!!!!) I think you're right Anorak. It's delay delay delay so I don't go to London.
And as for Friday-have already consulted with my Life Coach Beccarollover. V short denim skirt,cashmere jumper and cowboy boots or classy but funky Diane Von Fustyburger style wrap dress???? The bastard will probably only have 10 minutes to spare but I live in hope. And I need a boob job before Friday. May pop to Croatia tomorrow.

anorak · 15/09/2004 19:46

Wear something you feel confident in. And wear your sensible head!

anorak · 15/09/2004 19:52

He should have thought about the lack of time with his sons before he tore the family apart. It's mememememe with him, isn't it? And you have spent your marriage doing exactly whatever he wanted haven't you? I can imagine how your deep love for him and kind nature would have caused that to happen. NO MORE, spook. You only have one life and it belongs to you. He has no right to tell you where to live. Don't even bother arguing. Just say you'll think about it and then proceed to do exactly as you wish.

Blu · 15/09/2004 19:53

Hmmm again. Not sure what it all means. Seems plausible and finally open. It may be that being exposed as long-term philanderer, and faced with your continued determination to move, that he has come to terms with being practical and a bit more transparent. He certainly sounds as if he is trying to be 'careful' in what he says - not inflammatory - and well he might, he's quite vulnerable, isn't he?

How do you feel about moving the boys out of their school? And when would you do it?

spook · 15/09/2004 20:04

I feel absolutely gutted about moving the boys Blu. It's a gorgeous school and they are very happy. BUT they are 4 & 7 and they can be happy in another school. They're hardy little souls. As for the time scale..I wish I knew. Sell the house,do the house up,buy in London.rent in London. How long is a piece of string. And you're right Anorak. I will not be drawn into an arguement about where I am going to live. Quite frankly it's not his concern and at the moment the less fuel poured on that particular fire the better.
I am feeling stronger actually.So many people have said to me the last few days that I'm the one in control now and he's suddenly feeling vulnerable.
To quote one of my best friends "You've got a great life ahead full of oppurtunities-he's got the misery of Katsuit Kat not making it & nobody to listen endlessly to his ailments"
(he's a virgoan hypochondriac!!)
Think I'll go for the dress-in a "I don't give a shit and I'm a woman in charge of my own destiny" sort of way.(but I do need some serious help on the breast front)

spook · 15/09/2004 21:07

Here is my horoscope for tomorrow!

Suddenly, miraculously, everyone is in a wonderful mood again --
especially you. It's like the tensions of the last few days never
happened, isn't it? You can let it all go. It's over.

What's over I wonder. Not my marraige I hope.

spook · 16/09/2004 10:45

SHIT SHIT SHIT. He wants to meet at house tomorrow at 2. Knows I have to pick up DS at 3. Controlling, putting a time limit on it.not wanting to be seen with me,avoiding scene in public...???
One or all of the above?

anorak · 16/09/2004 10:48

Weren't you supposed to be having lunch?

Tell him the change of plan doesn't suit you. I would be really fed of him chopping and changing like this. It's a veiled message saying 'my time is more valuable than yours'.

Blu · 16/09/2004 10:53

Did he give a reason, Spook? You tend to know his business patterns - he MAY have a prssing reason - personally i wouldn't be awkward simply as part of a power negotiation.

What about "that's a shame, because as you know I have to pick up DS at 3, I'd rather not feel under pressure to rush thse discussions insce they are so important, can you come earlier or shall we re-arrange?"