Partner away with work - left to look after his children and dogs

[Kitten76]

I moved in with my partner 18 months ago and his two sons - now 18 and 15 and his two big dogs.

He was working normal hours in the area with a good job and salary/car etc.

But about 6 months ago he decided to hand in his notice and start working offshore as a freelancer. I didn't want him to do this as we haven't been together long and our life was great.

He did it anyway, regardless of me.

I am now working full-time whilst keeping the boys in line and looking after the dogs whilst he is away. It's a stress and I am suddenly a single parent for a big chunk of the year. I have no children of my own really get on with the boys etc - but I feel used and it's making me resent him.

I have spoken to him about this and he's said he will not give up his 'dream job'. He gets defensive if I challenge him.

If I move out I am back to expensive rents and a big upheaval, but I don't know what else to do. It's making me fall out of love with him.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Oh he's living the dream isn't he.

How on earth did you end up backed into this corner?!??!

He is one unbelievable cunt! No, no 'notice' or talks or FA. You find another place to live. Then when everyone's out, you pack up and leave. Because in any other setting he will guilt trip you into being his domestic slave, because servants get paid. You, the slave, are paying him.

My 13-year-old with dyspraxia can cook. My other child with autism can cook.

When I left home at 18 I had no idea how to cook and there was no internet. But I learned to cook.

You need to leave and leave him hanging. He deserves nothing else because he's a selfish fucking twat.

OP, the least you can do is to stop paying him rent immediately. He has got a free housekeeper, bill payer, food shopper and I doubt he would kick you out. Save as much money as you can whilst you sort this all out. He doesn't love you. He doesn't care for you. And it seems he doesn't love his bereaved kids either. Call SS and move on out. Tell him what you are doing when you are ready to do it. I bet he will be over there like a shot!

oh dear! what a horrible person this man is!

i cant imagine how you agreed to pay money to a man and stay looking after his kids and dog. you are doing the great thing that teaching them to cook and look after themselves. i hope they will be fine staying alone.

you are very kind and nice woman, and you deserve a good guy for yourself

Come on OP, we need to know what you're going to do! We could come round mob-handed and help, if you want?

If you work out how many hours dog walking and housekeeping you have done since he’s been away and cost it at £10 per hour I think you’ll find it’s far more than your “rent” and share of bills.

Yes. Please. At the VERY least stop paying anything towards rent, utilities or food. Send him a message saying theres been a cock up with your tax. You have no money to pay anything so you need to transfer it all back into his name until you've got it sorted and set up an online shopping order with his payment details... etc etc
Make it so your co.pletely disentangled from him financially. Save up anything you can then run for the hills. CF in the extreme

Guys, you're bloody ace! All of you.
Thank you.
I am currently looking at places and am going to look at getting out as soon as I can.

He's away for four weeks now so I have time to plan.

I'm going to be single - and happy - forever!

Good for you Kitten, keep us updated

I'm going to be single - and happy - forever!

Excellent news - given that you've been single and unhappy for the last six months

Four weeks

Fucking hell you've been had by a real thundercunt. Pleased to hear you're getting out.

And please say you're going to stop paying him rent...

At 42 you’re not going to be single forever!

Yep no more payments.
I’ve just refused to give his son £25 he needs. He can’t afford it! All this time away and he’s still skint.

I’ve already sent some messages to letting agents.

Woo hoo!

Well done kitten!
His poor sons, he really does believe after his wife dying he gets to go on a year long piss up leaving his responsibilities behind!
Start the chore rota tonight, including dog care and cooking/cleaning so you won’t get cold feet about moving out

Those poor sons.

He should at the very least be putting money into an account that you can access for their benefit, Op.

His son asked you for money? Why?

Wow I've read some stories on MN over the years but this one?????

He's a complete arsehole - so glad to read that you're flathunting.

Get out and enjoy the rest of your life without being thoroughly taken advantage of - I wish you much luck 💐💐🍾🍾

His sons are off to Spain to see their grandparents. The younger one wanted some travel money. I told him to ask his dad as I don’t have any

Well done @Kitten76 - get your wheels in motion.

This guy has been well and truly taking the piss.

You're right to walk away from this, he really is using you. I do feel sorry for the boys, though, they have been treated appallingly, after losing their mum.

It's a good idea to skill them up. They could learn to cook a few simple meals, and you could train them to use the washing machine themselves.

Then leave them to it, their Grandma is around, after all.

LI do feel sorry for the boys, though, they have been treated appallingly, after losing their mum.

Me too. Poor boys, they really need their dad and he's so focused on what he wants. Maybe this will force him to step up.

How long are they in Spain for?

Could they stay there until their dad returns?

Yes they really have had a rough deal. I’ll let them know I’m there for them if need help or advice.
Such a shame, but it’s him that altered the dynamics of the house.
He was in the army and is still keen to live that way.
But that doesn’t work for me