Partner away with work - left to look after his children and dogs

[Kitten76]

I moved in with my partner 18 months ago and his two sons - now 18 and 15 and his two big dogs.

He was working normal hours in the area with a good job and salary/car etc.

But about 6 months ago he decided to hand in his notice and start working offshore as a freelancer. I didn't want him to do this as we haven't been together long and our life was great.

He did it anyway, regardless of me.

I am now working full-time whilst keeping the boys in line and looking after the dogs whilst he is away. It's a stress and I am suddenly a single parent for a big chunk of the year. I have no children of my own really get on with the boys etc - but I feel used and it's making me resent him.

I have spoken to him about this and he's said he will not give up his 'dream job'. He gets defensive if I challenge him.

If I move out I am back to expensive rents and a big upheaval, but I don't know what else to do. It's making me fall out of love with him.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

You've done so well, Kitten. Please let us know what their reaction is when they discover you've gone. I obviously mean that twattish ex and his mum, I feel sorry for the boys.

Please let us know what their reaction is when they discover you've gone.

No. When OP has gone then she's gone. The reaction of exP, his mother, his children and his dogs are not her concern. She will have moved on.

I've just spoken to him and told him I am going. He thanked me for an 'emotional rollercoaster' and asked me what I am doing so he can sort his life and the boys out.
He's trying to guilt me! argh!!!!
The end of relationships are crap. But I know it is right for me.

Just don't let him guilt you. They're his DC and his responsibility. It will probably mean that he has to give up his 'dream job', but he was being totally selfish anyway.

It will be painful right now, but you're going to be fine. Enjoy your new start. 😀

Kitten. This isn’t a relationship. This was him finding an unpaid housekeeper and nanny and dog walker.

Don’t let him try and guilt trip you. He didn’t feel guilty all the times you told him you were not happy. You get to live YOUR dream now. Good luck and head up

Do not let him guilt you!!!

He has completely abused your feelings for him. He can put his hand in his pocket and pay someone or resign and get a different job.

What RandomMess says.

Whatever he says is just going to be designed to place HIS responsibilities and guilt onto your shoudlers.

He is making his life and kids your responsibility. You have a right to refuse to be shoehorned into a situation you don't to be.

You told him 6m ago that you didn't want him to pursue this course of action, but he did

you have actually given him 6m to see if it would work.
it's not.

He asked you what YOU were doing so that he can sort HIS life and HIS sons out? How is that your responsibility? It's not as if he hasn't had plenty of warning about this. He really is a feckless entitled git isn't he?

Congratulations on your new flat and permanent job, @Kitten76 this is all excellent news and great timing.

Is all your stuff out of the house now?

Don't let him make you feel guilty. This is all totally on him. What a loser.

Bet he doesn't change a thing, he'll decide the boys are old enough to look after themselves whilst he's away and his mum can check on them. He's probably already signed up to dating apps so he can find a replacement too. Poor kids.

Thank you :)

No all the big stuff is there - but he has said he'll buy a lot off me. Which will make life easier for me. I can't believe he's offered that to be honest.

Do you really think you will see the money for your stuff?
Good luck in your new home

Good for you OP
And yes he will have to sort out his life and His boys they are after all and have always been his responsibilities
He certainly hasn't been on any sort of rollercoaster tbh if he's been working away leaving you to sort out the mundane tasks of his home dogs and children! He's had a great responsibility free time consisting of work- free time rinse n repeat.

Take what is yours, no matter how inconvenient. This isn’t about what is easier for you (what it appears at first glance)...he is still 100% about what is easier for him. This is a play for using you again.

Don’t let your guard down. “You can’t believe he made the offer” is your gut pinging.

He’ll squabble over prices first while crying about lack of money because you’ve spring this on him and he’s not had a chance to save up and then he’ll promise to pay you back next check. Which is how he will negotiate your stuff for free.

Tell him your set prices and that you’re putting it on Facebook and gumtree too, so first buyer takes it.

Sort out a storage place for your stuff. He can have it if he pays...

Don't forget the little things that can get expensive if you need to buy them all at once, tin opener, salt and pepper pots, wine glasses, iron, kettle etc.

@Kitten76 yeah, just take your big furniture and make a clean break. I have a feeling him, his mother, and his sons won't make it easy for you to get money out of them.

Congratulations and well done on getting your new place. :)

Take your things, he will never pay you a bean

You know this

Tell him you need the money before Thursday or you will be removing it. He will not pay you in the future...

Id tell him the van is coming on Friday - that you need payment for those things before then or they will be going in the van

Don't trust him to give you the money. Take everything you can & leave.

Well done! Definitely don't leave any belongings unless he pays first. He doesn't like you so he probably wont pay.

He so wont ‘buy’ anything

Rollercoaster hahaha
He's been having a fine old time in his funfair life while leaving you to do the grunt work