Partner away with work - left to look after his children and dogs

[Kitten76]

I moved in with my partner 18 months ago and his two sons - now 18 and 15 and his two big dogs.

He was working normal hours in the area with a good job and salary/car etc.

But about 6 months ago he decided to hand in his notice and start working offshore as a freelancer. I didn't want him to do this as we haven't been together long and our life was great.

He did it anyway, regardless of me.

I am now working full-time whilst keeping the boys in line and looking after the dogs whilst he is away. It's a stress and I am suddenly a single parent for a big chunk of the year. I have no children of my own really get on with the boys etc - but I feel used and it's making me resent him.

I have spoken to him about this and he's said he will not give up his 'dream job'. He gets defensive if I challenge him.

If I move out I am back to expensive rents and a big upheaval, but I don't know what else to do. It's making me fall out of love with him.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Im all for girl power but lots of men work away from home , this doesnt mean this guy is using her, even tho these boys are older they have lost their mum and about to lose a step mum type of woman in their life they are going to struggle with this. Just be straight with him and tell him the truth none of this sneaking around.

He treats you like crap. I'd have your new accomodation sorted..or if its staying with family in the interim...I'd say goodbye to the boys and leave on that day. I'd then text him a goodbye. Cancel the insurance...get a refund on the remaining months and tell him /or not.

He doesn't deserve more than that.

She's already left, Angel. RTFT. And he's totally using her. She didn't sneak around, she told him she was done. He didn't take her seriously. She is free to end things however the fuck she wants. She owes him nothing.

No need to swear just because someone doesnt agree
Im not on his side or hers im on the boys side

I think you'll find that MN is 'the one with the swearing' (its FB strapline until recently). Telling posters not to, is rather like Canute telling the sea not to come in.

(And I do think it helps if people RTFT, or at least OP's updates)

You go girl!

Please let us know how he reacts when he realises you’re really going.

I don’t think he believes you yet, he’s that arrogant.

May angel needs to go and look after the boys then.
Well done op! Onward and upwards!

Good on you on finding the flat. Everything crossed for you! Best of luck!

There's been a huge amount of sympathy for the DSs in this awful situation; grieving the loss of dm, and deserted by F, and now OP is leaving (as she should).
OP has spoken with consideration wrt the DSs, and sure she wouldn't wish them any harm. They need support and it probably would do them better to hear of her care for them direct and goodbyes, as I think their F and GM will not do a good job of being decent in front of the DSs about Kitten
I hope its all going to plan Kitten sending you strength and fingers crossed all is well

Good on you OP...theres no shame in being a good person, its just a shame he turned out to be a worthless shit.
Will toast a drink to your for once you've moved into your flat!

Good luck op!

Those boys will learn a valuable lesson that you dont take the piss out of a woman imo. They know shes not their mum, its not a massively long term relationship. I dont think theyre going to be traumatised bythis

Eek just transferred the deposit to my new landlady.

Shit just got very real....

Oh well down Kitten. You can do it!

And yes, Freedom Programme definitely worth looking into, I'm doing the online version right now myself. In person is probably better but online is better than nothing.

Congrats OP. Seems like your life is heading in a good direction. Enjoy your new appartment.

Good for you! When do you move in?

Woop woop woop kitten! Onwards and upwards!

Shit did get real.
You did that!
Took back control.
Well done on your job too.
It seems to be falling into place.

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Hopefully next Saturday if I can

Well done you enjoy your new single freedom x

good for you x

Thank you all (again) for your inspiring words and advice over these last couple of weeks.
Between you, my family and friends it's been an incredible help

Well done, Kitten! You did it. Just think of it, long day at work, you can come home and have a nice cup of tea and a biscuit rather than changing into your wellies to go out in the dark to walk a dog that's not yours, come back to cook dinner based on what someone else wants and clean it up, too.

Please come back and tell us how fabulous it is in your new flat (house warming flowers)