Partner away with work - left to look after his children and dogs

[Kitten76]

I moved in with my partner 18 months ago and his two sons - now 18 and 15 and his two big dogs.

He was working normal hours in the area with a good job and salary/car etc.

But about 6 months ago he decided to hand in his notice and start working offshore as a freelancer. I didn't want him to do this as we haven't been together long and our life was great.

He did it anyway, regardless of me.

I am now working full-time whilst keeping the boys in line and looking after the dogs whilst he is away. It's a stress and I am suddenly a single parent for a big chunk of the year. I have no children of my own really get on with the boys etc - but I feel used and it's making me resent him.

I have spoken to him about this and he's said he will not give up his 'dream job'. He gets defensive if I challenge him.

If I move out I am back to expensive rents and a big upheaval, but I don't know what else to do. It's making me fall out of love with him.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Well done for finally seeing him for who he is. Did you move out to your mums house in the end?

I've accepted a flat and my jobs just been made permanent so it's the right time.
I'm at my mums tonight. I'll head back to the house tomorrow to carry on packing x

Well done kitten, you're off and away now!

Oh wow! so pleased for you! you are TOTALLY doing the right thing. Please don't ever doubt that. No more Muggins!

Does he know that you are actually moving out yet?

sending best wishes! well done. great news about the job

Have you been “told” to go to the airport yet?

Well done, I hope all goes well.

such brilliant news. good luck for a positive future, but definately look into the freedom programme to ensure you see the red flags next time

Fantastic -good news op!

Great news! So happy and relieved for you

When are you planning to tell him?

When are you telling him, his mum and his kids? And the dogs?

Oh kids back today?!

Gosh! You don't let the dust settle; its brilliant!
Good luck with the packing, and try to keep your energies for you now Kitten. Don't expend it in yet more 'explanations' to him!

Brilliant OP. Cheering you on!

Delighted for you.
Good things happen to good people 

Really pleased you're taking positive steps OP - you'll feel much better to be out of that environment... good luck with the packing/ move!!

Hallelujah! Awesome news. Time to move on. Can't wait till you tell him you've moved out. Cock.

When are you telling him, his mum and his kids? And the dogs?

OP doesn’t need to tell them or do anything! She’s already made it very clear to her soon-to-be-ex that she has had enough and is leaving. He just chose to ignore it and continues to patronise her and take the piss. The 18-year old can take care of the dogs and their conniving gran can take up the slack, since she colluded and encouraged her wankbadger of a son to be such a piss-taking shyster. She owes them no update or explanation since she made her intentions perfectly clear. They just chose to not take her serious. While it is sad for the kids that they lost their mum and their father is such a feckless idiot, it really isn’t down to OP and it seems the sons have already taken a cue from their dad in treating the OP like their housekeeper and cleaner. It’s a timely wake-up call for them all.

Hugely well somebody on both!

Don’t forget to pay to have your mail redirected. Promptly change your address on all banking & financial accounts. Get yourself off of any bills you may be named on etc using a moving house prompt list. Take photos of utility meter readings in case he decides to be a twat when the dust settles. Good luck for your future moving onwards.

Tell him he needs to sort his own insurance and TV licence now

I imagine all four of them - the DP, his mum and the kids plus dogs tanding there waiting for you tomorrow OP all clutching at pearls, aprons and caps (these will need washing I guarantee it) so as to speak and saying that the housekeeper - that's you - is a meany and can you walk the dogs, pay the bills and stick a casserole on. And the dogs will have empty bowls.

"OP doesn’t need to tell them"

She needs to tell the boys, because she has been living with them. I think it's a step to far to just vanish and ghost.

That said, detailed info would be inappropriate too. A straightforward 'statement that she and their Dad are breaking up and so she is moving out will suffice. She needs to tell them when (which might be 'I found a new place last week and that is why my stuff has gone', that the reasons are private (but it's not because of them) and that'their DDad and DGran should be their first port of call for any future admin.

No matter how much this mess is all of his making, it's still another loss to them. And all OP can do is treat them fairly, which I think does mean giving them as clear practical info as possible, saying goodbye and reassuring them that it's not them