Partner away with work - left to look after his children and dogs

[Kitten76]

I moved in with my partner 18 months ago and his two sons - now 18 and 15 and his two big dogs.

He was working normal hours in the area with a good job and salary/car etc.

But about 6 months ago he decided to hand in his notice and start working offshore as a freelancer. I didn't want him to do this as we haven't been together long and our life was great.

He did it anyway, regardless of me.

I am now working full-time whilst keeping the boys in line and looking after the dogs whilst he is away. It's a stress and I am suddenly a single parent for a big chunk of the year. I have no children of my own really get on with the boys etc - but I feel used and it's making me resent him.

I have spoken to him about this and he's said he will not give up his 'dream job'. He gets defensive if I challenge him.

If I move out I am back to expensive rents and a big upheaval, but I don't know what else to do. It's making me fall out of love with him.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

I don’t think you’ve been an idiot OP. You sound like a good person who took on this guy and his sons in good faith. You weren’t to know he’d fuck off and leave you with his kids. It’s only been 6 months in before you’ve decided enough’s enough.

I’m delighted you’re getting out.

Well, if he's possibly looking at alternatives for what is his responsibilities, then, that's good. Frees Kitten76 up to get on with moving forward.

Personally I’d make my arrangements to immediately go to one of your family before the boys return until you can move into a rental. Then I’d message back saying that no you don’t have to put up with taking over his responsibilities because he’s too selfish and you’ve moved out.

He has been telling you all along that you know you have to put up with him being away. I guess seeing it written down made it real.

Just adding to the voices of support. You're doing 100% the right thing OP.

His story just doesn't add up - he can't give his son £25 for his trip to Spain and is always claiming he's strapped for cash but then he's offering a measley spa day as a quick fix?

Not only is he using you as an unpaid housekeeper - he's using you to subsidise his own lifestyle. Un-believeable!

Leave and don't look back - you've got this!

@JingsMahBucket The boys are home Sunday so this afternoon and tomorrow will be packing days!

Well done op!!

It took this for you to move on. Seriously, do some assertiveness training and read some books about women who love too much (like Why Does He Do That?) before you date again. This man saw you coming, you know he's an arse but were still willing to stay with him 'for a few more months'. I'm glad you're getting out, but honestly, it's staggering that you were still going to hang round knowing he's a total user and twat. I'd just answer the message: 'I don't have to put up with you at all anymore. I'm out. Your kids need to find their own back from the airport and you need to sort your shit out. Adios!' I'd block him after you leave, too. His mum can be his mug.

Good luck 💐

Well done OP.
And good luck.
Here's to your new life without CF in it!!

What an utter thundercunt

How fucking DARE he??????

Wow, he just sinks lower each day, huh?

Happy dance here that you've seen the light

Wow. I hope you've messaged back saying "No I fucking don't, and we are fucking done!"

Kitten76

If by any chance this jerk tries to claim you owe him money after you've left, send him an invoice for the cost of 6 months if being housekeeper, cook, nanny and bottle washer.

Good luck

Good luck OP
The absolute cheek of him
King of CFers

Apparently 'I know I have to put up with him being away'.

Really. Total gamechanger

I'd be gone before he returns...block him and he's never see me again.

He's an idiot.

The thing is, you don't "have to put up with" anything you don't want to

What multicoloured said

Don’t respond to him. See the WhatsApp message as the line in the sand delineating your past from your future. He is in your past now.

Leave your past in the past. Concerning him-and the emotions swirling around a breakup-make that a hard boundary, zero tolerance. Completely emotionally detach.

Anything that requires you to communicate: let it be a business/administrative task. Brief, impersonal and to the point. Professional civility. Indifference.

Anger is good to keep your momentum going and your focus sharp. But it is also very draining, so don’t waste your energy on anger for him. He isn’t even worth that.
Keep your energy for moving in the positive direction.

Hoorah!!! also doing happy dance! You owe him nothing, him and his DM can literally go to hell for plotting your life between them, what a good thing you saw his message.
And no, you're not stupid at all..whybwould you assume someone is capable of this level of callousness. Seeing that, you've now really seen him and who he is! happy flat/house share hunting Kitten you deserve better!

Another one joining the happy dance that you have seen him for what he is, a user.

Those messages are to try and get his mother to take over

I agree, he is looking for another women to sort out his life for him, so he can go do the fun bits. What is it with men, who think this is OK?

How humiliating to find his mother has been colluding and conspiring with him all along and to remind you of your ''duties'' to his boys/dogs!

Just wow.

I can just imagining the two of them conspiring to make sure his boys ask you for ££ rather than them as you are a soft touch mug.

But no longer!

Can you do some conspiring yourself to get your ££ back??