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Original poster

Partner away with work - left to look after his children and dogs

988 replies

Kitten76 · 26/10/2018 10:54

I moved in with my partner 18 months ago and his two sons - now 18 and 15 and his two big dogs.

He was working normal hours in the area with a good job and salary/car etc.

But about 6 months ago he decided to hand in his notice and start working offshore as a freelancer. I didn't want him to do this as we haven't been together long and our life was great.

He did it anyway, regardless of me.

I am now working full-time whilst keeping the boys in line and looking after the dogs whilst he is away. It's a stress and I am suddenly a single parent for a big chunk of the year. I have no children of my own really get on with the boys etc - but I feel used and it's making me resent him.

I have spoken to him about this and he's said he will not give up his 'dream job'. He gets defensive if I challenge him.

If I move out I am back to expensive rents and a big upheaval, but I don't know what else to do. It's making me fall out of love with him.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
confusedmomm · 28/10/2018 18:29

Good on you for clearing up what the problems are, in case he didn't see them (which I highly doubt anyways) . Has he replied??

Onecutefox · 28/10/2018 18:34

I think he doesn't want to have committed to look after his children. They lived with their mum and he didn't have that responsibility of looking after them and doesn't want to now.
I feel sorry for his boys. Their dad wants to eat a cake and have it. He probably has a good life there on the boat and you never know where the money really go buy you know that he prefers that way not and to have you by his side not even saying about his boys.

Hazardswan · 28/10/2018 18:50

Doesn't know what he did wrong? Spa day?

Star YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS SHIT Star

Hope the viewing goes well tomorrow.

Original poster
Kitten76 · 28/10/2018 18:53

He has replied.
He says he has no choice in doing this job.

He says he gives me money for food etc - occasionally I get £100. To feed hungry boys and dogs that's nothing!

Thanks @Hazardswan I'm starting to realise I am worth more than this.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 28/10/2018 18:55

"I have no choice but to leave"

Hazardswan · 28/10/2018 18:57

Could smush you kitten your so lovely.

I'm really hoping you leave this situation and have a happy life with people who value you in it.

I hope he falls off a boat

GreenTulips · 28/10/2018 19:02

Have you noticed the
I had no choice
I give you money
I I I all the way

Your instinct was right

He's pissed because you have taken his choices away. He is not concerned for your welfare

Honeyroar · 28/10/2018 19:03

He's either ridiculously stupid or ridiculously arrogant and believes his own waffle!

Redshoeblueshoe · 28/10/2018 19:06

You have no choice.
In your shoes I'd pack my bags now and go straight to your DM's

VanGoghsDog · 28/10/2018 19:17

@Kitten76
I'll hate to leave the boys and the dogs, but I can't be an unpaid housekeeper feeling like I'm single!

I told my ex I felt like I was in a house-share with a 15yo rather than a partnership with my adult partner.

He couldn't see it either.

mummmy2017 · 28/10/2018 19:21

Reply to him, that he does have a choice, but that is not your problem now.

Shriekingbanshee · 28/10/2018 19:23

Bloody MNers! Exposing another bloke for his entitlements.Halloween Wink

What's shocking is his shock, and we'll done Kitten for seeing the 'haul you back in spa' for what it was.

Good luck Flowers

Original poster
Kitten76 · 28/10/2018 19:24

@vangoghsdog wow, that is how I feel! I know the 15 yo more than I know him. It's just not right.
I had so many high hopes for this relationship. I clearly make bad man choices

OP posts:
Shriekingbanshee · 28/10/2018 19:25

Please don't engage in further convo, switch him off now you've made your mind up

Applebloom · 28/10/2018 19:37

kitten76 this man has had so many choices it's unbelievable
He chose this job
He chose to work away from home
He chose to leave his children, his home, his dogs, his responsibilities
He chose to hand all his responsibilities to you
He gave you no choices
He chose his life over yours
He decided that you get to be the parent to two step children you never chose to have in first place

Now it's your turn you get to choose now! His boys have other relatives they were never yours and they certainly were never yours to worry about. This poor excuse for a father cares for no one's choices but his own!

dontalltalkatonce · 28/10/2018 19:38

He had every choice in taking that job and staying in it. He told you more than once it was his 'dream job' and he wasn't going to change it. Why would he? He gets to live as a single person, no worries at all. Gives you money for food, fuck him! Feeding teens costs a load. I'd stop replying to him, too, more time to pack, except for the suggested, 'I have no choice but to leave.'

Then I'd go to your mother's and tell him after. 'I've moved out. You need to sort out your shit. I'm out. Good luck finding someone else to use. Goodbye.' And that would be it. No more.

Again, it's getting cold and dark. Now picture it: no coming home after a long day at work to walk his dogs in the cold and dark and then prepare a meal for 3 having to take into consideration what they want to eat rather than just you (and paying for it, too, most likely), clean it all up, clean up after 2 teens and 2 dogs. At least on your own (well, he's hardly there, anyhow), there's no one mucking up your flat, you don't have to consider anyone's else's wants in what you have for dinner, can come home and get a hot cup of tea rather than go out in the cold with dogs that aren't yours (I have 2 friends who make a very good living out of walking dogs for a reason), no getting up early at weekends to take people to the airport because they CBA'd to get themselves there, no paying out for CT or rent on a place you don't own, etc etc

Onwards and upwards

He doesn't give a shit.

SayNoToCarrots · 28/10/2018 19:39

I cannot believe that it didn't occur to him that you have no obligation to look after his kids and dogs!

youbrokemytwatometer · 28/10/2018 20:07

His DC's mother dies, they move in and he then decides to just leave them for several weeks at a time because he fancies a new job?

What a total loser of a father, never mind partner .

IdahoCrow · 28/10/2018 20:24

Good luck OP Flowers

practicallyperfectinmyway · 28/10/2018 20:32

Hope the viewings go well tomorrow kitten,

Keep us posted!

Original poster
Kitten76 · 28/10/2018 20:40

Thank you. I'll let you know how I get on 💜

OP posts:
Shambu · 28/10/2018 20:41

Just read the thread OP FlowersFlowersFlowers

You're doing really well.

He had a job he chose to quit for this one!

Gemini69 · 28/10/2018 20:48

Christ OP.. he's a peach... Hmm

good luck with the viewing tomorrow Flowers

woolduvet · 28/10/2018 21:34

Is he expecting you to change your mind or is he making new plans to look after his dc and dogs.

Original poster
Kitten76 · 28/10/2018 21:43

@woolduvet he fully expects I'll back down and carry on as normal.
He's offered nothing as a solution. His mum will take over. He'll continue - I'm sure - in the job.

OP posts: