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Original poster

Partner away with work - left to look after his children and dogs

988 replies

Kitten76 · 26/10/2018 10:54

I moved in with my partner 18 months ago and his two sons - now 18 and 15 and his two big dogs.

He was working normal hours in the area with a good job and salary/car etc.

But about 6 months ago he decided to hand in his notice and start working offshore as a freelancer. I didn't want him to do this as we haven't been together long and our life was great.

He did it anyway, regardless of me.

I am now working full-time whilst keeping the boys in line and looking after the dogs whilst he is away. It's a stress and I am suddenly a single parent for a big chunk of the year. I have no children of my own really get on with the boys etc - but I feel used and it's making me resent him.

I have spoken to him about this and he's said he will not give up his 'dream job'. He gets defensive if I challenge him.

If I move out I am back to expensive rents and a big upheaval, but I don't know what else to do. It's making me fall out of love with him.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Treacletoots · 27/10/2018 08:40

How's the house hunting going OP?

AsleepAllDay · 27/10/2018 08:49

That's a stupid post @anniehm the man swans off across the world & leaves her to manage his whole household, doesn't give her money for emergencies or expenses, expects her to pay rent AND guilt trips her for being unhappy. He could have a gold plated cock that he uses when he comes back but in no world should she be expected to put up with, enjoy or value being treated like this

Original poster
Kitten76 · 27/10/2018 09:10

He was divorced from her and any money he had from that went to the new house.
The boys had to move in with him and they got the dogs as puppies. Several years before I was on the scene.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitten76 · 27/10/2018 09:11

He gets child benefit for the 15yo

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitten76 · 27/10/2018 09:14

The divorce was acrimonious so I'm guessing he's just a dick through and through.
He rang me this morning and said he's not working until Wednesday as the boat has to have repairs.
He's going into Ostend today for a walk.
How nice for him Angry

OP posts:
woolduvet · 27/10/2018 09:15

So he could come home??

Rosielily · 27/10/2018 09:25

Ah... right! Sorry, I didn't realise he was divorced. I wonder why that was!

Original poster
Kitten76 · 27/10/2018 09:25

He'd have to pay for a flight himself and he can't afford it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitten76 · 27/10/2018 09:27

@treacletoots I've enquired about a few places. Just trying to line up viewings.
I'm looking at storage options too so I could stay with my mom for a while if needed

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitten76 · 27/10/2018 09:28

@rosielily exactly!

OP posts:
Suebnm · 27/10/2018 09:37

I don't often comment but he really is a weapons grade cheeky fucker.

lovetherisingsun · 27/10/2018 09:42

I feel for the boys but it's absolutely not your thing to deal with - it's their dad who's let them down. You deserve an actual life, not being forced to be someone's live-in. Good for you for being strong.

DunkandEggAgain · 27/10/2018 09:52

Is he a greedy fucker? I can't help think that he does have piles of money but lies at any opportunity to stop him from putting his hand in his pocket.
Do you have access to his bank statements?

Original poster
Kitten76 · 27/10/2018 09:58

He's terrible with money and there are red letters arriving all the time.
He says he wants to pay his debts off but hasn't done anything yet.
He's said he wants to take me away for the weekend in December. It's just a carrot to keep me sweet

OP posts:
FishesThatFly · 27/10/2018 10:05

Weekend away will never happen

FishesThatFly · 27/10/2018 10:05

What's the plan for the dogs?

LittleBookofCalm · 27/10/2018 10:07

what an awful situation for you op

LittleBookofCalm · 27/10/2018 10:07

do you care about the boys?

Juells · 27/10/2018 10:08

Move out the night before he's due back. Block his phone number. Move on with your own life.

FishesThatFly · 27/10/2018 10:11

@LittleBookofCalm - I'm sure she does, otherwise OP wouldn't do all she does for them.

But ultimately they are not her children to be the main carer for.

LittleBookofCalm · 27/10/2018 10:12

yup, just read op's posts.
well done op.
glad you saw sense.

Bloomburger · 27/10/2018 10:13

Are you sure he actually has a job offshore and hasn't a separate secret family/partner?

rainbowstardrops · 27/10/2018 10:15

I can't believe he's not even going to be home for Christmas or New Year!!!
I feel for you for being hoodwinked but at least you can get out I suppose.
I feel desperately sorry for his two boys being utterly abandoned by him.
What sort of fucker watches their children lose their mum and then chooses to take a job (that he didn't have to) away from them for long periods of time?
Utter wanker 

YouAreMyRain · 27/10/2018 10:15

@Bloomburger exactly what I was thinking

rainbowstardrops · 27/10/2018 10:16

I've wondered that too Bloomburger