Flash drive

[NeedsMoreGlitter]

Hi all,
I've been with my DH for 20 years and we have 4 young children together. Recently, I became suspicious after he took his flash drive with him whenever he went out or kept moving it from his work jacket to bag. This evening he went to bed early so I decided to check it. I thought it was probably porn and I was right. There were hundreds of images taken off of Twitter, until I found one folder and this contained about 8 images copied off of Facebook of a girl at his work wearing bikinis/little outfits. She is only 21. He's 49 and her manager. I'd been unsure of her since she started as I noticed lots of phone calls from her on his work phone but he insisted it was just work related. He said he wouldn't be interested in her even if he was single& he see's her just as a kid. I don't think he would actually cheat, it is probably just to wank over. I'd like some advice about what to do next please? He's very difficult to argue with and always manages to turn the fault around to being mine so I need to have it all clear in my head before. I wonder how she would feel if she knew he'd done that?! Sorry for the long post!

" being made to feel like a piece of shit by the man who's supposed to treat you with the utmost respect"

Tbf, he didn't set out to make op feel like a piece of shit by revealing that he enjoyed looking at younger women. He was, in fact, trying quite hard to keep that fact hidden.

Tbf, he didn't set out to make op feel like a piece of shit by revealing that he enjoyed looking at younger women. He was, in fact, trying quite hard to keep that fact hidden And why is that? Because he knew it was wrong!

Jsku You make no sense. You have an issue with ‘the wank police’ yet also with ‘don’t ask don’t tell’. I am open with my partner and I love and trust him and who he is as a person. We have a happy, healthy relationship. We have talked about porn within the context of how it affects people’s sexual behaviour, the impact on young men and women etc. But do I grill him on a daily basis about whether he’s had a wank today and if so what and who he thought about? No. Perhaps you think that’s normal, but I think that’s unhealthy and damaging. So please stop trying to create some nonsensical argument that I’m deluded/naive, just because I have a natural, normal, healthy and realistic approach to this.

If you can’t see how this has absolutely no bearing on a situation where a man has collated images of a decades younger, junior member of his team on a portable wank bank I really can’t help you.

OP I hope you’re okay and whatever happens you look out for yourself.

Belle

Couldn't have said it better myself!

I also don't question when and if my partner has had a wank... that would be so weird!

And he doesn't ask me either!

Jsku has issues....or is someone that keeps a secret downloaded wank bank and is trying to justify it.

Jsku has to be a guy? If so then it’s unlikely he realises how hurtful finding this is to the vast majority of women, particularly women over 40, I have quite a few friends in their 30s and I have to admit their attitudes on sexual stuff vary a lot from mine. If it’s a woman, crikey, the standards of decency are a bit low!! The fact is regardless of whether it was on a flash drive, stashed on his computer or pics on his phone, I think the OP will have considerable trouble feeling the same about her H . We all know blokes have mental wankbanks , we don’t expect them to be carting it round saved on flash drives or computers and most of us certainly don’t think it’s ok to upload pics of work subordinates

We all know blokes have mental wankbanks , we don’t expect them to be carting it round saved on flash drives or computers and most of us certainly don’t think it’s ok to upload pics of work subordinates

Completely right....women also have mental wank banks!! But I wouldn't keep a scan disk in my purse to whip out when the mood takes me.

@GloomyMonday

^*" being made to feel like a piece of shit by the man who's supposed to treat you with the utmost respect"

Tbf, he didn't set out to make op feel like a piece of shit by revealing that he enjoyed looking at younger women. He was, in fact, trying quite hard to keep that fact hidden.*^

Useless point. He's a lying, deceiving, untrustworthy pos, and has done maximum damage here to his wife and marriage.

I'd leave him for the gaslighting, never mind the creepy wank bank.

It’s funny, time and again....

Every time, when someone has a view different from the typical black/white MN approach - ‘XYZ must be a man’ is wheeled out. Because if that’s a man opinion - then it’s, what, invalid?
Or - I get - how can you as a woman possibly believe...

Anyway. For me - it makes no sense to say ‘we all know blokes have mental wank banks’ - and scream LTB when said wank bank is in physical form.

OP’s H is an idiot with his flash drive. Some things need to be hidden more - so as not to hurt people around it. He needs to lear from the other, more sensible men - like those ‘most blokes’ someone was alluding to.
World isn’t ready for Complete honesty about wanking....
😂😂😂😂

@Obviouslynotobvious

I took part in one thread on the feminism boards, agreed with everything they were saying, and mentioned I was a man. Literally every single poster then started attacking me, despite the fact that i was in complete agreement with them.

The feminism boards are a toxic cesspot of an echo chamber, and are now thankfully hidden from my view because I changed the site settings. I was sick of seeing 8 threads every day bitching about trans people on the 'active' list.

There are places where both genders are welcome, and included, and constructive debate can take place. The feminist forums here are not one of them.

Jsku

I don't think you're a man- I think that would be disrespectful to the men I know.

I just think you're a deluded, insecure woman with crap standards and low expectations.

@EvePolastriSorryBaby

I'm thinking I agree.

Thing is Jsku I disagree with some women on here and some men too and I don’t automatically think LTB in many cases either. In fact in many cases I think it’s trotted outvtoo easily . I certainly am not of the ‘all men are bastards’ school of thought. In this case I feel it’s really up to the OP, and it’s less what he has actually ‘done’ and more that I would struggle to see him in quite the same light on a personal level, but the decision really should be the OPs, if she feels she can move on and he’s had a ‘scare’ then that’s fine.

I do also always wonder - why of a person expresses different world view - personal judgements/attacks always follow

So, being a man, or a woman with low self esteem, and no standards, also insecure and deluded...
disgrace to men, and/or women too
It is really interesting and telling.

MN is a special place. And there is only one way to be a woman on here.
😊😊😊😊

Not a world view, just a very shitty opinion of men and how they operate which is offensive to he men in my life and the future opinion of my sons.

Some men obviously, do keep a digital, pre mediated, sleaze drive. But please don't assume that they are all the same. This leads some of us to believe that your expectations are lower than the norm.

NOT ALL MEN!



@Eve

So - this you said
‘Completely right....women also have mental wank banks!! But I wouldn't keep a scan disk in my purse to whip out when the mood takes me.’

Means the following:

• Men/women are OK to have wankbanks - AS LONG as they are in their heads... Apparently the form matters...

• When the mood strikes men/women, whiping out images must be in mental images form - NOT from any physical carriers

It sounds like all of you are saying - if only OP’s husband kept all of the same images and fantasies burned in his head - his wanking practices would have been Ok.

And I am the one with shitty opinion of men. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It sounds hypocritical and inconsistent.
Either it’s OK to think and fantasise about anyone else other than their partner when wanking. Or it is not.
What physical form that takes - magazine, fb/Instagram/other public forums, or mental image - makes NO difference.

@Jsku

Oh for god sakes🙄 give it up now, you're exhausting.

Ugh, I give up.

Yep Jsku , it’s called social manners! Stuff that could be very hurtful to someone else needs to be kept ‘in the head’ be it wank banks/crushes/fancying the woman round the corner /at the gym etc . Call me old fashioned but most women (and I guess many guys too) really don’t want the contents of your head laid bare on flash drives/downloaded to PCs etc . Now some women are ok with this kind of stuff, a lot of younger women are, but plenty of us are not , and clearly OP wasn’t either or she wouldnt gave commented on it on a forum. If you would be ok with it, that’s fine, OP isn’t and neither are many women on here.

"Stuff that could be very hurtful to someone else needs to be kept ‘in the head’ be it wank banks/crushes/fancying the woman round the corner /at the gym etc . Call me old fashioned but most women (and I guess many guys too) really don’t want the contents of your head laid bare on flash drives/downloaded to PCs etc."

He didn't keep it in his head but he did try really hard to keep it secret.

It may be that in Britain this is called social manners...
But this is exactly what anyone else would consider highly hypocritical:

‘ Stuff that could be very hurtful to someone else needs to be kept ‘in the head’ be it wank banks/crushes/fancying the woman round the corner /at the gym etc’

At least finally someone admitted that.

Why don't these guys use encryption? I am so going to write a guide on hiding stuff on the PC in plain sight.