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Original poster

Flash drive

148 replies

NeedsMoreGlitter · 26/10/2018 00:02

Hi all,
I've been with my DH for 20 years and we have 4 young children together. Recently, I became suspicious after he took his flash drive with him whenever he went out or kept moving it from his work jacket to bag. This evening he went to bed early so I decided to check it. I thought it was probably porn and I was right. There were hundreds of images taken off of Twitter, until I found one folder and this contained about 8 images copied off of Facebook of a girl at his work wearing bikinis/little outfits. She is only 21. He's 49 and her manager. I'd been unsure of her since she started as I noticed lots of phone calls from her on his work phone but he insisted it was just work related. He said he wouldn't be interested in her even if he was single& he see's her just as a kid. I don't think he would actually cheat, it is probably just to wank over. I'd like some advice about what to do next please? He's very difficult to argue with and always manages to turn the fault around to being mine so I need to have it all clear in my head before. I wonder how she would feel if she knew he'd done that?! Sorry for the long post!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 26/10/2018 00:37

What do you want to achieve by talking to him? Do you want a certain response from him?

sophiec123 · 26/10/2018 00:37

Personally I'd be packing his stuff and sending him on his way.. or packing mine and the children's stuff and leaving. Whether you think he would cheat or not is irrelevant, he has photos on a flash drive that he obviously knows is wrong considering he's hiding it from you and taking it places.. very odd (I'd also consider this cheating) Also surely it's illegal having pictures of people when they don't know? I'd be tempted to ring his work or even the police and reporting him, what a creep!

Forgotmycoat · 26/10/2018 00:39

This is really horrible op. So sorry you've discovered this. Is there a way to hide the flashdrive so he can't deny wrongdoing? You need to have a conversation about this. He has behaved disgustingly all-round.

If he manages to always blame you it's called gaslighting.

MMmomDD · 26/10/2018 00:41

OP - this maybe a bit creepy - but also just sad. He carrries around a wank flash drive? So silly, really....
Man isn’t even smart enough to hide it on a personal cloud so that no one can find it....

As to the origin of the pictures - those were snapshots off public soures... so anyone who puts up pictures of themselves in various states of undress know what they are doing and how those pictures might be used...

As far as what you want to do about it - really up to you. Depends on how much it bothers you.
Personally - i’d do the same as if i’d found a stash of Playboy magazines - pushed them back under the bed..
(Using an old age analogy, because it seems like a similar sort of thing)
As far as wank-aids are concerned - this is pretty harmless. Obviously one can’t be expected to only ever fantasise about their partner in those times...

Alternatively - i’d make a joke about it and wonder why he needs to carry it on a flash-drive, and what he does with it at work...

Going all guns blazing on this won’t get you anywhere.

Original poster
NeedsMoreGlitter · 26/10/2018 00:49

I thought to say to him tomorrow I'd noticed him acting odd with it and ask if i can I see it then "discover" the ones of her. I'm not bothered about the porn really just the ones of her. I'd like to ask him if there is anything actually going on and see his reply. I just feel sick.

OP posts:
Blondebakingmumma · 26/10/2018 00:53

I don’t think hubby will intentionally let you look at his wank drive because he knows what you will find.
Just tell him you saw what was in the drive and ask him to explain

MMmomDD · 26/10/2018 01:02

OP - if you have specific suspicions about this woman - there is nothing to be gained from asking him.
You heed to watch and observe.

If you ask - with just this - he’ll say - sure she is attractive and he didn’t want to mention it to avoid an argument over it.
He’ll also add that there are a lot of attractive young women and you can’t expect him to not notice.

Take a breath and watch him.
It doesn’t sound like anything is going on, at least for now.
If you found pictures she sent to him in private - than - that would be something to go ballistic about.

As it is - is an older man ogling FB pics of a younger woman. Nothing more than that.

sadiesnakes · 26/10/2018 01:08

Really really sleazy op.. dosnt matter whether he would cheat or not. Why is your bar set so low. Your dh is a dirty old pervert basically, how could you possibly put it down to just wank fodder? Ughhhh.

redastherose · 26/10/2018 01:08

I Wouldn't rule out something more going on here. 21 year old girls wanting someone who can afford to buy them nice things and treat them and 49 year old middle aged men in a position of seniority at work abusing that position is not exactly unheard of!

yetmorecrap · 26/10/2018 01:18

I honestly am gobsmacked here that some women have the bar set so low. No wonder many men think they can get away with complete sleazy shit if women are shrugging their shoulders. OP, I have to be honest, I cannot imagine you being able to think of him in the same light again. I think whether or not anything is going on is only a bit of it , the sheer sleaziness of actually taking these images and carrying them around is gross, the porn being carted around I would struggle with on its own but someone he actually works with , bloody awful!

poglets · 26/10/2018 01:22

Take the flash drive and hide it. Do not just give it back to him so he can wipe it and deny.

Throw him out.

Original poster
NeedsMoreGlitter · 26/10/2018 01:22

If he knew I'd looked at it he would go mad and make it out I'm the one in the wrong. I would need to be really firm that I have to see it.
I think she's had some family problems and kept going to his office to talk about it.

OP posts:
heath1977 · 26/10/2018 01:39

I'm confused has she actually sent these to him or has he stalked her Facebook and copied them ? Either way it's weird but if he's just a creep and she's unaware that's almost worse in a way
I wouldn't be able to NOT confront him who cares if you snooped it's apparent you had good reason to do so!
Also the whole flash drive thing is so weird that he carries it around with him - very creepy

Olderbyaminute · 26/10/2018 01:40

^ Youve just answered your question haven’t you,OP? He’s going to twist this around and make out that you’re in the wrong! He’s a fucking middle aged pathetic cliche! Hiding his flash drive in your shared home? My god he’s the dictionary definition of pissing his family away!

heath1977 · 26/10/2018 01:43

You ask what you should do- I mean personally I'm not bothered by my husband having a wank but it would really bother me if a) it was someone known especially if I suspected he fancied her and b) is really weird that if she hasn't sent them to him that he's gone to her Facebook and saved photos of her
That would make me extremely uncomfortable and would probably be a deal breaker
I would probably call him a sad old wanker (literally!) and be done with him. And would also threaten to ask said girl about it if he tried to spin it

Original poster
NeedsMoreGlitter · 26/10/2018 01:43

I think he's just copied the photos then saved them on the flash drive. He's not friends with her on there but I've just looked at her profile and all of those photos were there to see with all her pictures.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedsMoreGlitter · 26/10/2018 01:50

He's always said he doesn't wank but would he just look at the pictures? He must be looking at them while he's a work as he's always either at home or work and he wouldn't have much chance to do it here. I know that probably sound naive.

OP posts:
heath1977 · 26/10/2018 01:53

Yeah I think it's silly to expect someone not to wank - it's not insulting if your partner does - as far as I'm concerned anyway
But id be very very upset if he'd saved photos of a young work colleague on a secret flash drive
What else is he doing with them!
It's fucking creepy even if he's just looking st them frankly

heath1977 · 26/10/2018 01:54

And yes ok she has them publicly shared so she likes the attention but he's gone looking for her profile and actually saved her pics
Weird

Original poster
NeedsMoreGlitter · 26/10/2018 01:58

I feel like telling her!

OP posts:
heath1977 · 26/10/2018 02:07

You should ! Tell her she should increase her privacy settings unless she likes old creeps saving her photos

BitOfFun · 26/10/2018 02:07

Don't tell her. Take the flash drive straight to your solicitor and divorce the creep.

FiaMarrow · 26/10/2018 02:12

he's always said he doesn't wank

Why would he say that? I thought everyone did Wink

Original poster
NeedsMoreGlitter · 26/10/2018 03:15

I think I will hide the flash drive and let him panic all day tomorrow then I'll have it out with him once the kids are asleep.

OP posts:
penisbeakers · 26/10/2018 03:55

Don't hide it.

Copy everything on it, that way he can't do a dirty delete and deny their existence. He will have every excuse under the sun, but the actual reason is wank material, and either he's having an affair with the girl, or he's been downloading pics of her to wank over without her consent. Either way, it's a shit deal.

I'd talk to a solicitor and tell them what you've found before you say ANYTHING to him. That way when he comes back with lies etc, you can tell him you've already taken legal advice. Nothing quite saying that to terrify a shitbag like that.

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