Dating thread 141 - fun and games

[Koko12]

Hope not stepping in anyone’s toes but thought I’d start the new thread as old one was full and I wanted to post!

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

starstrucks Unfortunately people will block or ghost rather than just say they've changed their mind or whatever, people are ridiculously rude because its anonymous. I think you've been unlucky. Unless you're saying something really full on I doubt its you.

I don't use my first name or my occupation it's too easy to find where I work online.

khaleesi depends how old you are re match. I am on there just for a trial period. I think there are a lot more serious men who want a relationship but there are an awful lot in my age group (45+) that still want kids (which rules them out for me) and then a lot older men. I think it might be better in different age ranges. I get loads of younger men liking me on there which tbh does nothing for me.

This mornings message on POF

Him : hi, how’s the online dating going, have you found anyone to cuddle up with for the winter now the weather is changing?

Me: well obviously not as I’m still on here

Anyone else get fed up with the stupid messages? I have had a bout ten ‘hi’ messages so far this week and a couple “your sexy” messages.

I think I have a date with Mr Hippie, just need to conform a day, not feeling that excited about this one as he seems to be on a slightly different wave length than me and probably more intelligent. I don’t seem to have many irons, no one that’s wowing me.

I can live with the stupid messages, I'm sure I send plenty of them . I'm only really on bumble where I've got to send a message first and I now have sympathy with men as even I'm getting fed up of trying to think of something original (so generally I don't!).

I very rarely get any decent first messages on Match/Happn. I have given up on that count...!

I had recently had matches on Bumble with no response to my witty chat! So I'm thinking it's just become oversaturated, too many men just swiping on everyone and looking for an ego boost.

Swapped numbers with a bloke on POF who is very submissive, not my usual type but the whole thing seemed quite fascinating. He messages me every day with the Mistress mallarkey so makes a change from the usual inattentive men I have been meeting recently. Bizarre I know!

@JeSuisPrest has MrCornish (?) recovered from his sickness bug?

My 4th date last night went well but I can’t read him at all. We met in a country pub and the conversation was good but at about 10pm he suggested going!

Not sure how I felt about that but he is very laid back and I reckon taking things slower as he’s being sensible. We haven’t set another date as he’s got his children extra this weekend so he has no free time!

It just baffles me and guess I’m expecting him to swoop me off my feet but I don’t feel he is!

Trying to line up another date for this weekend to take my mind off him and questioning everything!!

All the men I seem to match with on Bumble are American. Maybe I need to move out there...
One US guy yesterday who mainly. responded in GIFs - it was funny at first and then I got bored and unmatched him. Also matched with an utterly divine looking and smart guy who said we will meet after he return from Europe.

are you in London Milo? there are loads of Americans on bumble here. About 1 in 5 of my matches is American!

I am getting so bored of it now, wondering if I can honestly be bothered to continue.....

I've forgotten what I named mine now but have a date tomorrow (can't remember what I called him but let's say MrEmail) and one on Friday (Mr6kids I think I called him) and I'm not arranging more till I see how these two go though there is one, I'll call him MrBodyguard who I am tempted to set something up for next week.

nothing inspiring though - no-one sweeping me off my feet Vet styleee :)

@Whoknows11 - It's MrYoung but he is Cornish (I think a pp has a MrCornish - I hope it's not the same guy!) We had a really long face time yesterday (about 3hrs ), he did look pretty peaky tbh and he was full of cold as well. I'm glad I've seen him at his worst though - he still gives me fizzy knickers and I just wanted to rub some Vicks on him...

We've provisionally rescheduled for Thursday, but we'll see how he is. I don't mind waiting tbh, he's lovely (personality and looks), and we just seem to click, like we've known each other for years.

Conversation flows well, no awkward pauses or scrabbling around for something to say and he said yesterday of course he would carry me across a muddy field (we're Devon/Cornwall) which made me swoon. A lot. He's definately got that whole protective/looking after his lady thing going on without being like a freaking pitbull with it, which is super hot to me. He asked if I would mind if he played with my hair if we were cuddled up on the sofa (I have very long hair and assume he meant just smoothing it a bit, not plaiting it!)

Sorry your date left you a little deflated last night, how disappointing. It's only Tuesday though, not too late to get something sorted for the weekend with someone else.

you know you've been doing this too long when you match with someone and think not for me but ooh love would like them!

@DaffoDeffo MrBodyguard - he sounds intriguing!

It's so frustrating, I want MrPB to be a bit more eager to see me, he's so laid back and taking things slowly. I want someone laid back, I don't want to be rushed into anything but at the same time I want to be swept off my feet, that's no unreasonable :) ??

We're 3.5 weeks in, one coffee date, and lots of messages, he says all the right things but I want to see him face to face. Anyway he has man flu so no date for my birthday. I'm vaguely talking to a couple of men on Bumble but I'm not that interested.

@daffo, I'm getting fatigued as well! I literally can't be arsed with it. I know that's probably the best way to be to meet someone! Got a load of stuff going on at work so pretty distracted.

@jesuis, fizzy knickers made me laugh! Thats the best feeling ever!

So I've managed to set up a date with MrGeek for next week, I think it there is no snog or no chemistry when we kiss then I'll call time. Which feels harsh but I'm in this for a BF not a mate.

I've got lunch/coffee with MrBig on thursday. He reveaedl he can't drive last night. I just don't get that to be honest! Already making me not interested - I've been there before and it was a massive pain.

Argh, I think I might've moved a bit fast after a couple of glasses of wine and want to know how to reel it back in!!

I met a lovely guy who lives a couple of hours away from me at the weekend. Not ideal but it's for a job opportunity for the next 9 months so not forever. He's in my town most weekends anyway to see friends so we met for drinks and had a lovely time, ended up having a good snog!

He's back this weekend and wants to see me. I, fuelled by Chablis, invited him to mine on Sat, offering to make dinner as I love cooking.

On reflection I would much rather go out for dinner or a gig or something and not have the expectation that he will stay over. No qualms about sex on an early date, just in my experience, I would prefer to wait a couple more dates as I do see potential with this chap.

How can I politely slow this down? Would it be insanely rude to withdraw the invitation? Could i say the heating is broken maybe??

@northern maybe a 'hey, i have a better plan how about [Great restaurant / gig / whatever]'....so basically pitch it as a positive that he's not getting to sleep over :)

Daffo - absolutely love your updates btw. Yes, I’m in London. I’m throwing the towel in if MrDivine doesn’t contact me after he returns from France. He’s not even based here and so I’m not sure what I’m getting excited about.
My problem is that I am looking for my next big relationship rather than just meeting people. It’s bloody stupid, I know, but I’ve ever only known one man for the past 20 years.
Guardian Soulmates is so incredibly boring. The same faces since Jan. Very slow turnover. They are all on Bumble anyway.
I second the options about Hinge - not enough people in there.
I’ve started at the gym - can’t imagine meeting anyone there though.
I’m feeling doomed to Spinster City. I know it.
And I laughed at “fizzy knickers”. You lot make me smile with your updates.

@northernflowerhouse - just say that you would prefer to go out and put it in such a way that he can't talk you round to staying in at the house - if you know what I mean?

Be direct - I want to go to X restaurant instead so I've booked a table at X time, hope that's ok with you - I've got a ridiculously busy week this week and wasn't really thinking properly when I suggested cooking dinner

Or something along those lines.......

milo I'm also looking for a relationship. I know it doesn't seem that way but I really am lol.

northern I would emphasise the positive and say something like 'ooh there's this restaurant I've always wanted to try, why don't we go there'. You do know that once the invite for the house is out there, he'll be wanting to go back there though .

jesuis MrBodyguard is just that and christ his body but I can't really tell what he looks like close up . He's very polite on messaging though so we will see. He has been telling me his dating stories and they are hysterical.

milo I've also found the same with those sites. And everyone in London seems to be on bumble. Happn is ok but only because I work in the city so I get a lot of people I'm not normally seeing on bumble (weirdly) though some same faces. And it's a bit creepy Happn (I know there are 2 people who must be doing almost exactly the same commute as they cross my path multiple times a day!).

when is MrDivine back?

Great advice all, thanks!! I've suggested somewhere near where his mates are so let's hope he takes it on the chin! Totally would, just don't want to rush this one.

Major props for fizzy knickers, also!

I dare not google fizzy knickers!

Daffo - that’s funny about Happn. I really admire your approach to meeting people. I don’t know when MrDivine is back as messages have been brief but lovely. I don’t want to message to ask as don’t want to seem desperate (which I totally am!!). Playing it cool. I Googled him and boy is he amazing on so many levels - totally my type but I’m working on the assumption that nothing will materialize. I’m sure he can take his pick of the world’s women.

Question - if a bloke writes he gives good cuddles, how you take that?

He thinks he's good in bed

@DogDayMorning haha - so that's what it means.

I've been swiping left on Bumble on most of my likes and I am wondering if I'm being too picky.. anyone else feel this way?

So far these are instant turn-offs..

Main photo showing pint in hand
Main photo top less and or holding a carp
Men very obviously lying about their age (not a good start or does everyone do this?)
Men with the same name as my ex (can't bear to say that name out loud ever again when dtd )
Men with really bad teeth
Men wearing Lycra (I mean, in all the photos)
Men only having a School listed (I'm a snob yes when it comes to education)
Men whose only photos are selfies
Men with no bio and one photo

Am I being too picky?

So have a date lined up for Sat yay - MrNiceGuy which I'm not over-excited about but still should be fun

Mr5Kids is still in touch (date booked for 4 weeks time though) and we've moved to WhatsApp. Will not over-invest,..