Dating thread 141 - fun and games

[Koko12]

Hope not stepping in anyone’s toes but thought I’d start the new thread as old one was full and I wanted to post!

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

scotgal In my experience kik has been used by married men only.
When I was on Cupid a few guys opted for Kik rather than WhatsApp and it immediately raised my suspicions, I chatted to 5 guys on there and apart from 1 who was 2 hours away I had arranged to meet them all.
I did actually meet a guy who said he was separated from his wife but still living in the same house with her and the kids but as he worked away for some of the year there was no need to divorce - we met in a hotel and he left at midnight, he messaged after and asked to meet before he went abroad but I just wasn't feeling it, once we had DTD his messages tailed off a lot and I realised he was probably still married.
The other 3 all arranged to meet me but then when the day got closer all stopped replying to me, I definitely think they were all married, they were still on Cupid as well - I think for some it is a ego stroke they are after.

If he wont meet in public or even get a hotel then there is something wrong, 1 guy from Kik suggested meeting at a beauty spot, I told him I was having sex outside there at 15 and wasn't going to do it again at 37 - once he realise he couldn't come to mine (I don't allow it as I have a hang up about security) and I wouldn't have sex outside he backed right off.

Its weirs, thinking about it, someone here last week says there is a theory that uoi go back to the agw you were before you got into the relationship/marriage.....I was 17 when I met STBXH so looks like I was reliving a bit of my youth with Mr Cheeky banter but realise I need to be a bit tougher on who I let in and what I accept as acceptable behaviour. I think Eesha hit it n the hwad, first guy after marriage ended who seemed to say all the right things which is so attractive after w0 years of having your self confidence and self esteem sucked out of you.
I messaged Mr Cheeky banter this moring and have just had a the reply of "? ???". I've just uninstalled kik .....I'm really not in the mood for having to explain my reasons more than I have, I has enough of that with STBXH. On a good note I have joined Bumble and think I will give the multiple dating a shot if the chance arises. Is it worth paying for POF as I have about 290 people that want to meet me that I can't see lol. Also, can you only message on Bumble if they tick you too?

Hi hope it's ok to join

So I have been single a little while and have dipped by toe into Tinder.

I have one date with Mr E on Saturday to a nice cocktail bar not sure if he is my type, he's educated to a master's level and an engineer and he's only early 30s. I did have a social media stalk though and he appears to be who he says he is. His work SM had his picture too.

He doesn't say that much about himself, is that normal? He's been dating for 3 years so maybe he doesn't want to invest too much too soon.

I also have a potential iron Mr F. He's sweet and very funny, we might meet next weekend.

Like most of us I have primary aged children and done the LTR and marriage thing. I just want to get out and have fun and companionship really.

But like someone said on another thread... I need to sort out my oven first

@WaitingforMrHardy welcome! Sounds like you have the right attitude to dating so just get out there and have some fun, see where it takes you.
I went into OLD after being in a LTR/ marriage for 14 years with the intention of dating a few guys, getting out and meeting people etc but as it happened I met someone who made me not want to see anyone else and that's where I'm at right now
There's some great advice on this group and it really helped me in the early days navigate the weird and wonderful world of dating!
Don't have any expectations of anyone, enjoy it for what it is and remember that everyone is on there for their own reasons so if something doesn't work out the way you want it to, it's no reflection on you.
Most importantly, enjoy yourself!

@scotgal, its really easy to get sucked into these things and it can provide a welcome distraction for a while! I definitely see KIK as a red flag, most people use Whatsapp. Well done for taking back control though. If I am ever angsting over someone, I know its flawed.

One thing that's really helped me is writing a little list of what I'm looking for trait wise - and having a look at it from time to time. I'm bending my local rule at the moment for MrMusic as he just seems so lovely and I am attracted to him from his pics. He did message me last night saying he's trying to play it cool but he's loving our messaging and can't wait to meet. Fingers crossed its not a damp squid. I am holding out for my mutual HELL YEAH.

@richdeniro, the attachment styles is so interesting and now I understand mine, I know what I need. I am secure attachment but the other persons style can make me be a bit avoidant if they are too full on. Likewise, if they are full on and then withdraw, that makes me really anxious. Someone steady who is happy to make plans and communicate well is what I need (basically someone like me :-)). I've dated 2 people with the secure style and although they didn't work out, there was 0 angst with them or second guessing. Just flowed well.

Ending things by text is really hurtful too :-(.

@runsforcake, my Mum is the same. Can't understand why I do OLD, apparently I will just meet the ONE in my village full of married couples!!!!I keep wondering when the ONE is just going to knock on the door?

welcome@waitingforMrHardy

Welcome waiting Nice to have some new people join!!

Has anyone ever met someone where you thought it would be another so so date but turned out really well?
As in hardly any convo before hand, not much in common, but you still clicked?

unique no, if anything it's been the other way round (so thinking it would be good and it hasn't clicked)

scotgal you have to both match on bumble to be able to message. It's actually easier if you do the option where you can see who has swiped on you. I forget what that is now as I'm still off the apps but someone else who's on there now can probably tell you!

Bumble boost to see who’s swiped. Aside from killing curiosity, it hasn’t proved to be useful for me...

Hello everyone, hope you don't mind me joining the thread. Got back into the dating game after bring single a loooong time and don't have anyone else to bounce thoughts off as all my friends are married or in long term relationships! Reading the tread has been a huge help getting back into the swing of things

I just has a text starting with Hello, Sorry to have to do this to you..
Turns out he is just cancelling our half arranged weekend meet up, due to thinking he is coming down with something. Going round apparently.

I do have a gut feeling this one wont work anyway lol

It so complicated eh

Pushreset
This thread helps even when you are not dating.

Oh no Unique, do you think he's laying the foundation for knocking the whole thing on the head? Thanks for the welcome too 😊

unique surely he could have said he was feeling a bit under the weather but is hoping it will pass by Sat/sun so he can meet you.

Sounds a bit flaky to me.

HereIgoagainxx
Yes sounds like he is bit flaky, also he told me how long driving or getting train would take. Not sure what to reply to that.

I haven’t heard from my iron for 48 hours, we are meant to be having date no 2 at his house this weekend but not sure if it will happen. Not sure if he’s just busy with work, he works away during the week but surely he could send a short text?

I have no other irons as I have hidden my profile on POF and haven’t been near Tinder or bumble. Feeling a bit bored having no one to WhatsApp in the evenings other than a few old irons that check up on me from time to time.

@Lovemusic33 have you tried messaging him?

My iron is not well, not himself at all. His usual text pattern has changed... I've checked in saying hope you're feeling better etc but don't want to hound him either. Got no experience with this... Maybe I should just keep waiting to hear from him?

In same situation @push. Was supposed to meet someone yesterday but he sent a message the night before to say he was unwell after returning from Europe and could we postpone for a few days. I suspect it’s more to do with me telling him I have a child. I don’t expect to hear back.

wishy I was the last one to message, I don’t want to annoy him as he’s a truck driver and driving all day, I’m not sure what hours he’s driving. He might message tomorrow when he returns home, he seems pretty relaxed about everything so I’m hoping all is ok.

That's annoying @milomonster if it is the case that your child has given him cold feet then it's probably best you know now than wasting time on him. Mine has saying he's not been feeling well the last couple of days. Today's the only day he's not been in touch regularly like usual. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt this time. Maybe it's just being hurt in the past that's making me over cautious?

@push I’ll give it a couple of days and unmatch. He sent very thoughtful questions before I told him about my child and his messages became more brief and so I’m pretty sure that’s the reason (although he said having a child wasn’t an issue - they mostly tend to say that and then go silent).

What OLD sites are people using? I don’t find I’m having much luck with tinder (doesn’t help that it’s where I met my ex and he broke my heart) looking for a bit of advice xx

Hey everyone! thought I would join in :) been single since April this year, had a very traumatic relationship which lasted 4 1/2 years - both emotional and physical abuse.

Now I have dipped my toe in to the OLD - I have a POF profile but it is hidden, I have done this as I don't think I am ready to go full on in to it yet! I went on a date with someone last friday night - it was boring as hell! his pictures were clearly old ones and he ended the date at 9.30pm as he wanted to go home to bed! I was relieved to say the least, however he msged me when i got home to say he had a great time and wanted to see me again. I sent a polite msg back saying sorry but i didn't feel a spark. His reaction confused me - he wrote back saying 'good luck in finding that (laughing emoji). I was quite annoyed at that but just wrote back 'Thanks! you too!' and that was that.
Few days later I msged another bloke and we've been speaking all week - was meant to be going out last night but he had to rearrange due to work. Rescheduled for Sat night - I am so nervous as he seems great and what I am looking for! I just don't want to get too ahead of myself and then get crushed if he then doesn't like me!

Any advice for the first date? we are going out to dinner!