Dating thread 141 - fun and games

[Koko12]

Hope not stepping in anyone’s toes but thought I’d start the new thread as old one was full and I wanted to post!

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

No worries. I know I probably should reach out but now I'm worrying its too late... What if he's having an early night after working long hours? I am a fool I know an over invested one at that. Will ping him in the morning - I'm just annoyed that the "more soon" did not materialise I guess.

I don't ever do voice calls really other than to my dm who can't fathom texts so I have to talk to her, my mate of 13 years jokes that if i actually rang it would only be because someone had died!

So after 6 dates average once a week, how often is the normal amount of messaging do you think?

@coldlocation maybe send a casual message tomorrow and see where it takes you?

@Holiday72 how often have you been messaging prior to/ during the 6 weeks? What's normal for one perhaps isn't normal for another so really what's important here is what's normal for you

I was chatting with my bf for nearly a month before we actually met. We spoke daily about everything and anything and that's kind of kept going throughout initial dating and now into our relationship. I don't think there's been a day since he initially messaged me on OLD when we haven't spoken.
Text most mornings and evenings when we're not together and also speak on the phone a few times a week. That's what's normal for us, we've been dating 4 months now.
What's your situation?

holiday I'm far from the voice of experience but I've dated 2 guys since I've been single. First one for 8mnths and this one for a week!! Each of them has texted daily throughout day after first date. I think that's fairly normal. Not constant but regular checking in, how's your day going type chat.

Yeah thays exactly right what wishy said, nicely put!!

shit not an attractive prospect

Thanks everyone for your advice.

I have previously been in love with someone who I don't find physically attractive, but I just fancied the pants off him because of his mind. Every time I saw him I'd think "hmm nope" then by the end of the evening I'd be ripping his clothes off.

I've been chatting loads more with MrCake, and I like him more and more. But he's still a 'no/maybe' on the shagging front I think. We've agreed to a second date next weekend (we're both away with work in between). He was suggesting I go to his for him to cook for me, but I'll avoid that for now and meet him somewhere neutral so we can both go home.

But you know what... I'm so emotionally damaged, and if I'm honest, lonely - that I'm just enjoying having someone lovely to chat to. We've just had a heart to heart about our respective pasts... we both have baggage. It felt good to talk to someone who understood. I'll take that for now.

Most days we do message, morning, you okay, that kind of thing.
It never seems to go deeper, neither of us really knows how the other feels,
I don't know what he wants, is this just a few dates n nothing more to him!!
I don't know if he is dating , messaging others.
I know what I wanot, n it's not just a casual thing, I do actually want more.
Thing is I have 3 children, so obviously I don't want someone coming in being a part of that, not yet anyway, but longer term I would like to be veering towards him coming to mine an eavning or 2 a week, bottle of wine n a film, maybe food, that kind of thing, is that asking for to much at this stage?

@Holiday72
Maybe you could have a casual chat with him about what he's wanting.
When you meet via OLD I think in the beginning you have to accept that the other person may be speaking to others etc but there does reach a point when you want to have 'the chat'
Are you intimate with each other?
We deleted our dating profiles around the 8 week mark. I basically asked him if he was chatting to others still and said I was cool with it if he wanted to keep options open (I wasn't that cool with it 😂 but I'd have handled it if he'd said that's what he wanted and I'd have made the effort to date others then) but he said he'd assumed we were exclusive anyway and he'd already deleted all the apps off his phone etc.
It was a relief to actually speak about it though and officially delete profiles so I'd just bite the bullet and ask him, just don't be too heavy.
I'd rather know the truth, even if I don't like it, than be wondering/ second guessing all the time. At least that way you can move forward in the best direction for you.

As for the coming over for a cosy night etc, of course it's not too soon. Going out is great but staying in is even better! I don't do it when the kids are here because if they woke up I wouldn't want them to meet him that way, but midweek slobbing out in pjs with him when they're at their dads are the best kind of dates! ☺️

Had the date with Geoffrey. Pretty much as expected. I don’t fancy him at all. He was ok to chat to, but I already knew that really.
He is keen, lots of messages when he got home.
I’m going to have to tell him today because there’s no point seeing him again.

Cold, do you think it would be worthwhile talking to a counsellor?. We all have baggage, but if by emotionally damaged you mean you are looking for a relationship to save you or prop you up, then you are likely to make hasty, poor choices with men.

I speak from experience here, so this is in no way an attack.

Once I worked through my own stuff and realised I'm great I am far more confident in myself and willing to hold out for a really decent partner. If someone doesn't reply/respond/loses interest I genuinely believe it's for the best. I don't want a man that could take or leave me. I want someone that thinks "what a woman".

The anxiety you feel isn't healthy and likely something that will continue to rear its head every time you are with a new man.

You don't have to feel this way xx

That post was really helpful HereIgo thanks.

I agree and it sounds weird but i also went to a counsellor after my divorce, mainly because I wanted to talk through what went wrong so I didn't make the same mistakes.

It was so so so useful. I learnt so much about myself and also communication with partners.

I sent a message to man from the past yesterday and he has not responded. And I think for me that is it. I suspect he doesn't know what he wants and there really is no point meeting.

One thing I have realised is that it doesn't take much to be kind and respond, even if you don't want to see someone. And I am past having sex for sex's sake. If I'm going to have sex, I'd rather it be with someone I liked than someone who just happens to be good in bed but at the same time is going to muck me around.

No problem, hopeless a healthy trick (that works for me) is to stop looking at them as the prize. YOU are the prize. When you genuinely believe that, men that blow hot and cold or lose interest will quickly drop off your radar.

It also helps me to ask myself, does someone I have met a few times really deserve all this emotional investment? Of course not. We just have to reign ourselves in and bow out with dignity.

I had a few dates with a guy that I posted on here about that I thought was great, but the more time together I realised he wasn't for me. Done. Next.

Chatting with a lovely man now that is falling over himself to meet me. What a lovely ego boost. His profile pic was dire and I almost didn't reply to his original message to me. His second pic was much better. There is a few hours travel between us so I initially discounted him as a prospect (even gave him tips to fix his profile to attract other women ) but he is just so lovely and the banter is easy and fun. He has a website with a video of him on it so i watched it and thought phwoar! Sexy accent too.

I am secretly glad his profile pic was so dire

We are meeting next weekend as I'm working this weekend. I don't mind the travel either. I am independent and not really conventional. Long distance is something I have done and enjoyed before.

tell me about it shit and he is the 2nd person who has done this to me. Lucky kin isn't on the thread any more as he would be telling me off as he was around when the 1st person tried this

I am manfully keeping off the dating sites but getting very close to going back on, even just in hope of finding a normal person!

I have one person still talking to me MrHappn but I really just think I don't fancy him so I'm going to have to say no. We met up a few times and dtd but it just wasn't there for me. He keeps asking me out again, and I think I'm just going to have to say no but I also know he's going to be really upset.

After that, I just need to get some new photos done and get back online. I've got a lot on this week so will give it this week then ponder which site to rejoin!

shit I'm a jeans and converse kind of girl most of the time so I'd stick with that. Whatever you feel most comfortable in I say

@shit, result on the local date! Fingers crossed, what did you wear in the end? I've just matched with someone local, need a few more irons in the fire as I am only messaging MrMusic at the moment. Mr Geek sent me a message last night but I can't be arsed with him now, I have enough friends.

@daffo, seriously so he popped up and has now disappeared again. Its so boring isn't it!

I just want one where there is mutual spark and they are not a dick. Seems to hard to find!