Dating thread 141 - fun and games

[Koko12]

Hope not stepping in anyone’s toes but thought I’d start the new thread as old one was full and I wanted to post!

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Hope anyone who has a date tonight has a good one ! I met my partner of 3 years now on "Match" ... I had a good couple of years in the dating wilderness though ... I had a list on my phone with nick names for them all !!... I kissed a lot of frogs .. the worst ones I found were the blokes who spent the whole date droning on about their ex wife and how she was a cow ... TAXI !!!!
I tried Guardian soul mates, POF, Tinder, Telegraph dating etc !!!
I found Match the best .. also 2 friends from work were on it and we had a laugh when the same old re treads were messaging us all !!
Keep the faith ladies xxx

I’ve got a date tomorrow evening with ‘Geoffrey’. I’ve been talking to him for several weeks on WhatsApp & phone but this is our first date.
The trouble is I am rapidly going off him.
We’ve got different views on lots of things and his sense of humour gets on my nerves.
But for some reason I feel compelled to meet him.
I think that, unless Louis Theroux asks me on a date tomorrow evening I will go.

My iron Mr Speedy has gone a bit quiet, thought it was probably too good to be true, just messaged him to ask if he had a good day and it seems he spent the day with his ex wife 😐, they have kids together but I’m not quite sure why that would mean spending the day together (can’t think of anything worse then spending the day with my ex). Why’s it so hard to find someone who hasn’t got baggage ? 😥

Today has been rubbish, been child free and felt so lonely and fed up.

@lovemusic33

I feel the same as you the weekends I'm children hence why I'm throwing myself into dating!

However dating can make you feel even lonelier if it's not going well!

I'm dating 1 guy, tried chatting a d potentially merging up with others but feel bad for the one I'm dating!

I don't think I'm cut out for this modern online dating world!

who I’m fine in the summer, I find things to do and go out but now it’s colder it would be nice to have someone to cuddle up to on a Sunday or go out to lunch with. Mr Speedy isn’t available much so I’m not sure it would work out, he works away all week and has his kids every other weekend, not sure if seeing someone once every 2 weeks would be enough for me. Today just dragged, my dc’s were only at their dads for 6 hours but I felt really lonely, went for a walk and then just sat here waiting for the kids to come home , I haven’t had a weekend date for several weeks.

well, Mr Cheekybanter got in contact this morning but I'm feeling a bit weird about our "relationship" now, I can't quite put my finger on it lol. He didn't offer an explanation for not being in contact for nearly 24 hours which i thought was kind of rude.... but at the same time he's not my "boyfriend" and he doesn't owe me an explanation at all does he? I think I'm freaking myself out because i want casual and because I'm a traditional one-guy-at-a-time kind of gal, am i putting all my emotional eggs in one basket?? I'm trying to push this way too fast too soon... or am I? It's a heck of a long time since I've had to do all this and it all seems very alien and has changed a lot since then.....I'm tempted to message him and just end it and go back to spending my days with me, kids and dogs as it's a lot less anxiety, brainfuckery and guesswork! Or should i give my head a wobble, put my awesome, confident, who give a flying wotsit if he loses interest (I am the prize obviously) pants on and just try and tell myself to take it as it comes?

Feeling a bit of a loser, I decided to try to pull back a bit from MrPB, I know it sounds like game playing but I see it more about protecting myself emotionally as things are going no where and I suspect never will. Of course I've reduced messaging and now I'm upset he's not replying very quickly when I do. 😩

@scotgal2017 how long have you been seeing MrCheekyBanter? Have you spoken about what you both want out of this?
It's a really tricky stage of the relationship (if you can even call it that?!) because you don't want to come on too heavy and full on and scare them off but at the same time you want to know you're on the same page.

Obviously in the early stages it's expected, unless discussed otherwise, that you'll both still be chatting to and maybe even dating others but if one of you isn't happy with that set up then there's got to reach a point where somebody brings it up.
For me it was around the 8 week mark, just felt like the right time

@likeridingabike
You're not a loser at all

Best thing to do is try and distract yourself. It can give you a real knock when you want someone to want you yet they don't seem fussed one way or another. Makes you look at yourself and question why, but the truth is maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

You say it's never going to go anywhere, what makes you think that? Have you been dating long?

wishywashy We're not even dating, we've only had one date. He was busy with work, then he's been poorly so no second date arranged and we've been messaging for weeks. I've got myself emotionally involved so I'm struggling to end it, and he's been poorly etc. etc. Bloody ridiculous.

Childfree weekends with no plans are hard. But then I find I make loads of plans and get worn out and too busy. Hard to get the right balance.
I do really want a nice relationship and to chill out at home alot more and be less busy.

Mr geek hasn't messaged me all weekend so I've just dropped a text saying I'm not feeling being ghosted ,wishing him all the best. Seems he was on the same page as me with the dread ful kiss etc but not brave enough to say it. He actually said he wasn't ghosting me and said sorry if it looked that way.

So I guess maybe we will be friends but good to draw a line.

Mr music still chatty and fun.

@wishywashy6 he messaged me on POF at the end of October. We met twice in one week for a couple of hours each time and we felt natural together when talking (well i think so anyway). We talked about family, kids, childhoods, exes and random shit quite easily. From the get-go he has said he found me attractive, likes my personality etc. When we talk via message before he came round this week and we DTD, his talk was very sexually charged and focussed. I was interested in DTD as well and it was good and there was a connection still on all levels. He says he wears his heart on his sleeve, he asked me at the first meeting if I was dating/seeing other guys and I said no, not my style, and he said he was the same. This week when in bed we were talking about cooking, i said I can;t cook well and he said "well I can cook your tea ready for you coming home from work" to which i replied that's a bit domesticated......

It's difficult to see each other on a regular basis as we live an hour apart and schedule with the STBXH means he has Dcs for a couple of weeks at a time every few months.....Mr cheekybanter only came round this week because he managed to get out of office and Dcs were at school/i was off work. i don't know if i'm trying to talk myself out of it because i like that we click but a) it will be hard to maintain b) i feel like I'm maybe too emotionally invested already when I shouldn't be and c) we haven't really had "the conversation" to know where we stand and if we are on the same page. i told him this week when he was at mine that he was the first guy I have slept with since STBXH left 18 months ago, and I also said I'm not looking for anything too heavy, want some fun for a change. i think my head is a bit unsure of exactly what i want but i know when/if it happens IYSWIM? I don't know if I'm sending him mixed signals which has made him backoff?

@likeridingabike it's so easy to over invest early on, you're not the first to do it and you certainly won't be the last!
Obviously at this stage he certainly doesn't owe you any explanation as to why he's not been in touch - after one date I don't think I'd even notice! but don't forget it's perfectly possible that he's scared to be too full on too. I took the stance when I was OLD that if someone wanted to get in touch they'd make the effort but I didn't expect daily contact. Likewise, I wasn't afraid to send a message to prompt things if it was someone I liked. I'd rather know one way or another than all the assumptions and second guessing. If I felt like there was no effort at their end though, I'd just leave it and move on. You don't want to be chasing someone who isn't bothered
Would you want a second date with him? If so, I'd be inclined to just bite the bullet and see if you can get one arranged with him ASAP. I'd also see if you can get chatting to some other irons and line up some more dates if possible which will help with you over investing

WishyWashy6 I've been very clear I want to see him again, he says he also wants to but nothing gets arranged and we just carry on messaging. I think he's been hurt before and is uncomfortable making the next step towards a potential relationship, but FFS I'm divorced after a long marriage it's not easy for any of us.

@scotgal2017
I think that's the trickiest stage to be honest, especially when you feel like you've clicked with someone but you know it sounds stupid after so little time together. Makes you feel like a daft teenager.
It's easy to over analyse everything he's said and pick it apart but I really think the best thing to do at this point is to try and not think too far ahead, take it as it comes and enjoy the moment. If it's going to work, it will work.
From what you've said he sounds like he's into you and I think the practicalities just kind of work themselves out if 2 people really want it to.
My advice would be to keep going as you are and in a few weeks when you've got to know each other better, have a proper chat about where you see it heading

@likeridingabike if you've made it clear then I'd say the ball's in his court and you've done the right thing in backing off.
If he really wants to see you, he'll make sure something gets arranged and if not he's not worth the stress.
Did you see the 'fuck yes' article that was posted on this board a while ago?

scotgal it's so hard but you have to just keep that anxiety to yourself and try to keep it cool. It's shit when the level of communication changes with no explanation... but there could be a number of reasons. and trying to work out what it is... that way madness lies.

Sorry to hear so many of you have had such nasty sexual experiences, I have to say, i've kissed a lot of frogs and have never had a bad experience like that. Bad for lots of other reasons maybe but never porn star style.

So my lovely iron - Ill call him MrCake (because he bought us cake) who I had first date with yesterday - has been messaging loads. He told me he thought I was lovely and he's been mooning about me all day.

He's lovely, he's polite, he's very keen. I absolutely love chatting to him - he's intelligent, funny, we have a very similar sense of humour. He has the most fascinating job, its' quite heroic, something that raises eyebrows when I tell people... he's just an all round great guy.

BUT... I'm really bothered that I don't find him physically attractive. What do I do? He ticks all the other boxes, but Im not sure I want to rip his clothes off at any time in the near future...

I really want to fancy him because he's so bloody lovely...

Has anyone else been in this situation?

How far away are you setting your distance filters? I’m really put off if potential dates are an hours drive away. Just thinking of the time I have available, 2 hours driving in the evening seems like a lot on a regular basis. One guy seems nice but he’s an hour away and his job will be tied to that location. I’m tied here by school and my job. Trouble is I’m rural, low population area.

shitwithsugaron
My guy was divorced from his wife and had 3 children so not the same guy but it would have been funny.

I had decided to broaden my horizons and see people outside my type, he is Indian and for some reason I thought he might be more reserved but alas he wasn't.

I actually saw him again recently, forgetting how shit the sex was and when he grabbed my boob, I told him to stop as it hurt too much and he said that he hadn't even done it hard and clearly I would never be into BDSM - err, no - off you go!!!

At least my other FB was clear from the start about what he likes and we chatted like grown ups.

Its really difficult to work out what's normal nowadays as I had only had 2 relationships between the age of 14 and 37 and I know times move on.

Lovemusic33
I know spending time with ex's is odd but maybe they get along well.

My DD is 15 but she is coping well with her parents splitting as I am keeping things amicable and she thinks me and her dad are friends.
She has exams this academic year and I don't want her to be stressed about us when she has better things to think about.

We have all spent time together, we have been bowling and for a meal before our son went to Uni and we also went to a fireworks display together (the same one we have been doing forever and my DD just wanted us all together).

Luckily I am not looking for anything long term so my FB's don't really care what I get up to but I imagine it would be different if I wanted a partner although I would expect him to be ok with me spending time with my ex (plus DD and DS)

sorting your probably right though they way he wrote it sounded like he didn’t enjoy it. It was rememberance day and he’s ex army so I guess his wife was a army wife and maybe it was a big part of her life too. I just struggle with things like that, my ex husband had contact with his ex because of the children but they didn’t really get along, took several years before she would talk to me. I think I have just got to a point in my life where I want a easy life and can’t be dealing with ex’s or step children, I know it’s hard to find someone who hasn’t got that kind of baggage so I either have to be flexible or stay single, I am likely to chose staying single. I am spending next Sunday with him, will see how things go but I’m not really looking for anything too serious with him.

@Lovemusic33
My ex and I spend time together with the kids. I think that's better than if they were at each other's throats and it's actually a positive thing that he was honest with you about it isn't it?
Don't read too much into it x

Thanks whishy I don’t know why it bothers me. My ex stays at my house to look after the dc’s but not when I’m here (as soon as I get back he leaves), we spent a day with dd a month after we split but that was it. I don’t feel the need to do anything together because we are not together and my dd’s (12 and 14) would find it odd.
This guy has been split from his wife for 6 years but still has stuff at her house which just seems weird to me.

Anyway, I will try not to overthink things, I’m awaful at over thinking, it’s not helping that he’s my only iron at the moment.

I suppose if it's not the norm for you it makes it seem more alien. My kids know we're not together (they're 8 and 5) it was me who initiated the split and he's recently just proposed to his new partner who he's lived with for about a year now so they're fully aware there's no chance of us getting back together but they like having that time with mummy and Daddy.
Just wanted to reassure you that it may not be anything sinister ☺️

Thanks Wishy I’m sure you are right, she was the one that ended it with him I think, I’m sure there’s nothing going on but just feels a bit weird to me as me and my ex keep most things separate, we do get on ok and will often have a long phone conversation but going out together isn’t something we do ever. I know some people would probably find it odd that my ex house sits for me when I take the dc’s away but I’m not in the house so I don’t find it odd.