Dating thread 141 - fun and games

[Koko12]

Hope not stepping in anyone’s toes but thought I’d start the new thread as old one was full and I wanted to post!

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Thanks guys! Couldn't sleep so have woken up with bags and crazy wild woman hair.... he'll be shocked at my beauty if nothing else
Will report back!!

rich I don't think you should say anything. Just be cautious. I can be a bit overbearing but it's just my personality, it's not actually a reflection of how I feel about someone and I do think sometimes people mistake it for being overly keen . You can now spot the things that concern you, like being love bombed, so just keep your distance and let her continue as she is. And if you don't like it, just tell her she's not right for you and be done with it.

Hello everyone. I'm a long time mumsnet lurker (10+ years!), never posted so be gentle! Can I join in? I'm after your advice
I'm 44, 3 kids, now divorced, it's been about 2 years since exH left and I feel ready to move on. I've been trying OLD since April, to start with not too bad, some coffee dates and a guy I liked who turned out to be not that into me but strung me along a bit. Had a break after that.
I've been back on Tinder and Match for about a month and honestly I'm finding it very hard to get guys to reply. No one messages me first. On match I've probably sent about 30 messages, had 3 replies which all fizzled out. On Tinder had about 20 matches and about 5 conversations, none of which got anywhere.
I have had friends (who met their husbands on match!) look at my profile and photos and they made some suggestions but didn't think it was bad!
I guess I'm interested to know if this is a normal rate of replies, if it's unusual for the women to have to initiate all the messages. I'm a bit despondent, wondering if it's just age I am + kids that's putting people off, or if I really am undateable!
What sort of things do you write when you send that first message? I tend to say hello and mention something of interest from their photos /profiles.
Any words of wisdom very welcome!

inmyshoes good luck this morning! Looking forward to hearing how it goes

@EsioTrotted welcome! Have you asked a man to look at your pics, I tried that one. I think it's always hit and miss with people so you just have to keep at it. I only really message first on Bumble and just put something jokey or witty. I don't always get responses but at least it puts my personality out there somewhat. I just think with men it's all about pictures and flirting, sigh. Good luck, plenty of successes on here so don't lose hope.

Hi esio which area are you in? I do think that makes a difference. As does taking a break and coming back to it another time (you may find it makes you more enthusiastic!).

Thanks Eesha and Daffo
I'm in one of the Scottish cities so there are a reasonable number of men out there, though the pool is not huge!
Good idea, I will ask a bloke to look at my photos. Thank you.

Stapler I understand that. I keep trying to stop smoking - I managed it for the preganancy and then had about 3 a day for ages, quit again, now am back up to 2 packs a week...I feel like i'm trying to relive my youth in some ways and can't quite get my head around whether I want a guy who is relaxed about that (not a chain smoker but not a guy who is going to be self righteously lecturing me either). I don't actually want to be a smoker; am convinced if I find someone who didn't do it I'd probably give up anyway. It's a hard one when you are dating but the few friends I have left who smoke say they would pretend they don't (as it's not heavy). I think it sounds like you are having fun rather than looking for a guy to be committed to having a family? Maybe you just need to let your hair down and have some time out?
I'm quite possibly getting a dog after Christmas - can't say I'm not a tiny bit hopeful I might meet a nice man on a dog walk . Can't bring myself to get the apps back for OLD just yet.

@Stapler99 that's actually a very interesting theory, I'd not thought of that at all.
I was 19 when I got with my now exh. Was with him 14 years and when we broke down 3 years ago I ended up with getting with a 21 year old and did the whole reliving my youth thing. Out partying whenever I didn't have kids etc

That all went terribly wrong and I'm now with a 26 year old so I must be growing up right??! 🤦🏼‍♀️
To be fair though, he rarely drinks and acts more like someone my age than I do 🤷🏼‍♀️

Stapler99 I like that theory. I always knew I was still 23 . I'm living my life more since my divorce 4 years ago than I was in my 20years of marriage.

EsioTrotted try setting up a profile as a man so you can look at the competition. I've just done this. I've never seen so many 45yr old women plastered in so much make-up. If the over 50 men like to claim they're 49, then the over 50 women are trying to pretend they're 45! No wonder I can't get a date, I'm too honest.

ha runs that's very funny. I got told I was too honest too. I've never lied about my age either. I worry about coming back to dating next year as i'll be 46 and once you're over 45, you are in a totally different age category for a lot of men (if you look at men's profiles for blokes around our age, there's a lot wanting women between the ages of 36 and 45, whether the man is 45 or 57!).

the guy I went out with last year went on a date with a woman who was 49. He said she quite obviously wasn't and told him she was 53 and he looked her up afterwards (she was a director) and she was 59!

I also barely wear any make up!

Esio (love the name btw) don't get too despondent, most blokes on there just seem to try and chat up women way out of their league! I get loads of messages from older blokes who I would look twice at, like they have a very limited concept of reality..!

Better to strike up a conversation yourself with a bloke who seems interesting. Get past the superficialities

I have a date tomorrow! Aaargh!

It's been a while for me, I'm still dealing with getting over the heartbreak from my ex. New blokey and I have been chatting for ages and we get on really well. I am worried I won't fancy him though...

So we started by arranging a date for next weekend, and then he said "you know what, it's ages away, and I'm really keen to meet you - I can do this Saturday afternoon" so we're meeting for coffee... tomorrow!

I have a coffee date this afternoon with someone who only started messaging me this morning, talk about getting the meeting bit out of the way sooner rather than later. I’m not prepared at all, I’m not sure if I will even recognise him from the photo he has on POF. He’s very local so we are just going to have a quick coffee before school kick out (at least I have an excuse to go). I don’t really know anything about him other than we share one hobby 😐

I've never tried Tinder shitwithsugaron, good luck

Lovemusic33 Good luck on your date!

Thank you, I’m in panic mode, my hairs a mess, I have nothing to wear and I have the worst period pain.

good luck everyone with dates today and on the weekend!

sorry about the period pain love that's miserable xx

Thank you shit I have just found him on Facebook, thought I would try and find out more about him. He has 3 youngish children, looks pretty normal and not bad looking. I'm sure it will be fine.

Love wow that's quick progress! Good to get it out of the way before you've had too much time to ponder it! Good luck!

shit Tinder is fun, great way to pass a few idle minutes ... swipe, swipe, swipe, oooh... swipe

Thanks all - bit nervous to check out the competition! Then I might really give up!

Tinder swiping is actually fun I think, and I can't remember anyone for long so doesn't feel bad when they don't match. Whereas on Match all their faces keep coming up and I find myself thinking "why didn't you reply". Need to remember the "I am the prize" rule

To everyone with dates this weekend (or this afternoon) - have fun!

stapler that theory is absolutely spot on, and I had come to the same conclusion myself. I am 56, acting and feeling 22, the age I met my XH. While it's very life-enhancing, I suspect it's all going to end in tears (mine)...

My birthday was last week and the time has come for me to lie about my age I think. Not grossly, but I need to get under the cut-off at 55 - so I'm now 54. Goodbye ethics, hello better chances! The only problem is that you can't change it on Tinder without starting a new account (correct me if I'm wrong), which will mean having to swipe frantically to go left on all the guys I have already dated/pissed off.

Re the photos thing - despite now being 56 I'm getting more matches and messages on Tinder than before. This is entirely down to my new profile photo (taken on my 56th birthday ) which makes my boobs look amazing. They are really not, the camera has lied. Funny old world, isn't it?

Best of luck everyone. No dates for me until next weekend, when I get to use my new whip, ordered off of Amazon no less. Yee ha!