Dating thread 141 - fun and games

[Koko12]

Hope not stepping in anyone’s toes but thought I’d start the new thread as old one was full and I wanted to post!

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@wishywashy6

We really got on talked for ages and the date seem to go well no clock watching.

No there has been no kiss. I feel I may have missed the opportunity last night but I know she is very shy and when she mentioned the taking it slow piece , I thought best not push it. She didn't sound very convincing to me felt like she wanted more but is scared to commit (I understand her reasons why as she has been hurt in the past)

@Rebornagain I suppose it's one of 2 things - she's either, like you say, afraid of getting hurt and wanting to protect herself so wants to take things very slowly or; she's trying to let you down gently by saying she'd like to be friends.
I'd probably suggest another date and see how she responds

shit just caught up with your update about Mr Suit. He is a wanker. I hope karma comes at him and bites him hard.
I like Tinder, although I never get many matches. But you don't have the drama of seeing when someone is online or whether they've read your messages. It's usually obvious if they're just after a hookup.

I haven't heard from Mr Kinky since Tuesday when he sent a message after our date, saying he enjoyed meeting me and I was gorgeous and sexy
I replied to say I enjoyed meeting him and made a joke about something we'd discussed on the date. It gave him an opening to reply and ask about a second date. He read the message straight away but nothing. So now I'm thinking he might just have fantasies about being the next Christian Grey but is just too shy in reality. And this is why his messages (which haven't been many) are just focussed on telling me how gorgeous I am.

@shit what an Ahole, put him out of your mind and focus in finding new iron or irons that deserve your awesomeness.

MrCheekybanter came round today and was practically in the door 2 minutes before he was undressing me.......he kept complimenting my body which was great, as after 20 years with one man seeing my naked wobbly bits, I was petrified he would gag and run away lol, so it was nice boost for me. He was in good shape so no complaints so far! The conversation still flowed like it had when we met the 2 times before and we still felt relaxed with each other, so it seems to be heading in a good direction. Might be a while again before we see each other so will keep the "good" tensions between us ticking over I think.

Can I ask about Tinder...is it really as brutal as what I've read?

I found Tinder slightly less awful than POF etc. I think all 3 of my dates came from Tinder. Or 2 Tinder, 1 bumble. Maybe I just feel like Tinder was better because it succeed. It was no more brutal than any of the other though.

I think the direness of different sites might vary depending on where you are though. Certainly the quirks of the male tinder users varies with location. My friend and I compared notes from quite different places; it was hilarious how all she saw was man buns and polyamory and I got a million gym selfies and animals.

shitwith What a nightmare, you've dodged a bullet.

shitwith I'm so sorry to catch up and see what a complete bellend he has been. I'm wondering if he was feeling hugely bad about cheating on someone who clearly loves him, drank to much to compensate and then told you it was MH. I've been burnt by a guy who had a drinking problem and used to be addicted to pain meds too - he did some seriously weird stuff and i'm fairly sure cheated on me. If I were the other woman I would want to know (I always imagine them wanting a baby with the guy and how much better of they would be starting over before their biological clock runs down for some reason - a reflection of myself perhaps?). I don't know if he knows where you live but if not and you don't think paths will cross I'd second sending her info and screenshots and then blocking both of them. I'm firmly in the camp that women should stand together on this front.

Yes, @shitwithsugaron - don't take my advice on contacting the girlfriend :-) Just let it drop . It sounds like he has more serious mental health problems than he was letting on about (a probable personality disorder (I do know about this stuff so whilst not diagnosing, I'm taking an educated guess)) which can be managed but is not curable.
Also - I am presuming he knows where you live, so I would just cut contact immediately. And go and treat yourself to a bunch of flowers

Oops! X-post midcentury - there I am stoking the fires ready for the Guy... shit don't feel obliged to out him, just do whatever you feel but protect yourself first.

@scotgal2017

At a proper computer where I can read things properly. It's really good to hear your story. I've put on so much weight over the last year (living with someone with ASD I just ate to numb the loneliness) - I went from a size 8 to a 12. Slowly sorting it out, but I feel so unattractive. Part of me knows that I should not feel this way, I am who I am etc, but I am worried about the next date. My wobbly bits are quite wobbly and I'm not comfortable in that skin.

Hey all,

After a bit of advice on the red flags side of things as I matched with a woman last weekend and we were chatting a fair bit.

The chats were quite flirty in nature and she always texts with a lot of 'xxx's and that kind of thing. Last Saturday night she was out in London and was Facetiming me trying to get me to go and meet her and her mates at a bar they were at - I couldn't go as was out with friends.

We eventually had a date on Wednesday which was nice, just a few drinks but she told me she hasn't dated anyone in a while or ever done OLD and had already deleted her Bumble profile as she doesn't like to talk to more than one person. She didn't come onto me or anything like that but was fairly touchy feely - she linked arms with me from the moment we met as we walked to the bar and then afterwards to the tube.

Since then she has texted a lot, continued to be quite affectionate in them and has even started calling me babe, honey and all that kind of stuff. Today she told me she had a doctors appointment this morning and then didn't go into work as they have found a lump and she was too upset to go into work so has to wait for a hospital appointment.

I don't doubt she is lying about it or anything about that but following my ex I am extremely wary of being lovebombed by someone on the rebound and just in general. It just all seems a bit strong after having just matched and only one date. I don't even know how I feel about her yet and was going to message her today telling her that but now feel I can't as I don't want to upset her further following her news today.

Can I join? I was on a previous thread where you all told me I was not yet over the ex and probably not ready for dating. You were of course right.

I'm still not over the ex, but I need to move on. I've been chatting to a guy on OLD who has been keen and pursued me for the past few weeks / months. I wasn't really keen, due to head still being with the ex, and I didn't really fancy him, but he pursued it and was polite and lovely so I thought it was worth a try.

We swapped numbers and have been Whatsapping for the past week. He's sparky, funny, polite and intelligent. I like chatting to him a lot.

But I'm still not sure I fancy him from his pictures.... help! I really want to like him, I like his 'text' personality... but I'm scared of meeting him and the bubble bursting!

He wants to meet this weekend... I need to bite the bullet don't i...?

@ColdNeverBotheredMeAnyway Why don't you FaceTime him? You'll get a better measure if him than static pictures. You might be pleasantly surprised. If you're still not feeling it, you won't have "met" him and you may find it easier to end things?

Sparky, funny, polite and intelligent are all great qualities and you may find him more attractive than you thought?

I'm a bit terrified! I've just messaged and said I suppose we should bite the bullet and meet up. He's so lovely and polite he replied straight away that he was just on his way out for dinner but would reply later.

That in itself is a refreshing change from how I've previously been treated by guys who don't feel the need to tell you why they're not able to reply, they just leave the blue ticks hanging until they deign to respond...

At least you get blue ticks. Mine turn off the notifications so you can't even tell if they've read the messages - to be fair I do the same

I find a great sense of humour and intelligence incredibly sexy, so unless he was significantly shorter than me (I admit I'm shallow), I'd probably find some redeeming physical features that would persuade me.

Cold My experience is that men's profile pictures can be terrible, I think you need to meet to know for sure. Hold off with any flirty talk until you've met and then you have a decent shot at friends if there's no spark.

Turn off the blue ticks @cold. Your mental health will improve significantly .

I noticed someone on here saying you can turn off you're online. Did they mean turn off your last seen?

I don't think there's any way you can hide when you're online?
@shit. What a fucking horrible experience you have had with that tosser/loser/wanker. You're a lovely person by the sounds of it and don't change. Us Niceys need to stick together. Yes go forth and shag!!

I've turned off the blue ticks too and it's so refreshing!
Date number 5 went well and we've arranged date number 6!
I'm not trying to jump the gun but when do you figure out if you're both still looking/swiping or not? I don't want to approach the subject as I don't want to scare him off but also I'd like to know!
Can you tell how hard I'm trying to chill out about things! Ha it's so hard for me to do! I have zero faith in men since my ex left me pregnant for another woman!!

I'm not trying to jump the gun but when do you figure out if you're both still looking/swiping or not?

On POF it shows you when they're online... so you could do a bit of stalking! But it doesn't on Tinder I suppose?

@ColdNeverBotheredMeAnyway I think you need to just have the convo openly rather than 2nd guessing what the other person is doing.
I mentioned upthread somewhere that I had the convo after about 4 weeks with my bf, he assumed we were already 'exclusive' anyway so had deleted the apps from his phone but we both officially removed our profiles together after the convo

Well I've just arranged a first date with a guy I've been chatting to for a few nights. Call him Mr Banter. He is so funny. I really hope I fancy him in real life!!
Coffee tmrw 10am!! Bricking it!!

@inmyshoos best of luck on your date

inmyshoes Good luck and report back !

inmyshoes good luck!