Dating thread 141 - fun and games

[Koko12]

Hope not stepping in anyone’s toes but thought I’d start the new thread as old one was full and I wanted to post!

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

yes I'm on whatsapp for work too (all my colleagues are on there, including ones in different countries so funny timezones which means sometimes I read messages at odd times!)

it's so hard to chill at this stage

this is where bumble messaging is good because there's no last online and no read receipts etc.!

Thanks Lovemusic. I did change the settings on messenger I didn’t know you could do it on WhatsApp too! Maybe that’s my problem sorted.

He is a Bumble match! And Tinder. And my only match left 😂

Defo agree, switch off 'online' on whatsapp. I'm on whatsapp all the time. Also, wouldn't recommend asking him - if someone asked me that in the early days any potential would disappear (I had one very controlling ex).

Ps. I'm not suggesting you're trying to be controlling there - I know my reactions are hyped because of my prior experience - we're all carrying about our baggage

hey guys n gals - I am back, nearly 5 months later and I am single!
What a time Ive had over the summer... I am hurting but I ended it last week.
Currently licking my wounds but its for the best.

I hope you have all met someone and have had great fun dating. I will try to read the latest thread and catch up but for now Im off to the dentist.

@Eraser love your comment about gardening :-)

So Mr5Kids is really lovely and we're hitting it off re music and general chat, but we are still not meeting for another 3 1/2 weeks for our 1st date. I don't really mind apart from the over-investing side of things - what happens if there's no chemistry from either side?
Chatting to a few others and have a couple of coffee dates lined up - but I find that sort of "date" too clinical, it feels like an interview as that's how I often interview people for work - I'm also really stuck for time up until Xmas because of kid/extra-curricular work stuff.

Tbh - I'd rather meet in a bar, have a few drinks and see where that takes us. Am I wrong in doing that? It'd mean I'd relax a bit...

On the WhatsApp anxiety - don't stress all too much @Fonduefrolics. We all have busy lives. If I've got 3 seconds between meetings I will prioritise friends and Mums' chats over ones from any guy - they can wait until train home etc.

Oooh. Just had a message from Mr5Kids saying that since we've started chatting he has stopped swiping (on Bumble). Argh. Pressure. I'm not stopping! :-)

(I didn't ask btw - we were having a jokey chat about the profiles we have seen)

Jaxinthebox Sorry to hear things didn't work out for you.

midcenturylegs I don't think there's anything wrong at all at suggesting going to a bar instead. Your time is too precious and you're supposed to be having a good time after all.

I agree with others mid - if coffee dates don't suit you, find a format that does. Personally, I adore first dates and want to make a big thing of them, so a snug pub or nice restaurant for me. The two times I've done tea/coffee date, it's been a (quite amusing really) disaster - the common denominator in both cases being small children running around and harassed parents chasing them. I've had enough of that thank you - and it killed any spark there might have been stone dead.

@Fonduefrolics it's easier said than done but you can't let your past experiences shape your future.
After meeting once, unless you've had 'the chat' then it's highly likely that he is talking with others. I met my partner on OLD but we were both still talking to other people until we'd openly spoken about where we wanted to go with things and removed our dating profiles.
Saying that, 90% of my convos are via WhatsApp for both work and socially so it doesn't really mean anything
What you have to remember is that if he feels the same as you then it will work out and if not then he's not worth the stress. I think you've got to let these things progress naturally and unfortunately the nature of OLD means that chatting to/ dating many is the 'norm' at the start
Keep talking to other people, line up some more dates if you can

Agree about coffee dates, they're not for me! Always preferred a few drinks/ meal. I always enjoyed the terrible dates anyway just for laugh I could have about them afterwards so a quick coffee never really cut it for me!

Bumble is my way forward I think. MrTractor got in touch this morning with a nice introductory message, though I've not heard anything from the other match, and it's due to expire soon. I promise I'm not a complete country bumpkin, but living in the SW, everyone seems to be on a tractor or surfboard

Sorry if this has been asked a hundred times but which dating site would you recommend for me? I’m 47, separated (never married) 3 kids, looking for something long term but not long distance. I’ve been thinking of making a profile and giving it a go but just not sure which one to pick.

I’m in the SW as well proper tractor and surfboard country

@Florencerex, POF seems to have the highest "hit" rate, but I seem to attract every sex pest within a 5 mile radius and prefer the guys on Bumble. You can set your radius and intent (casual/relationship/not sure etc.) on both though. On POF you can keep your profile hidden so you swipe through the guys and make contact with the ones you're interested in, which may be an easier route in than putting your profile out there for all to see and getting completely bombarded.

I've not tried any other sites yet. If a 33 year old from Falmouth, with initials "KN" contacts you, give him a wide berth

Florencerex everyone likes different apps. I think you have to try them all and see what works for you. I'm a few years older than you and I probably got most of my dates from Match. But only in the first few weeks.

Jax sorry to hear about your break up. It's never easy.

I'd rather do coffee for a first date. A quick drink in the evening is ok but I'd never agree to a meal. I like to be able to escape quickly!

I have a date this evening - quick drink hopefully - with Mr Kinky. Named because he said he was looking for someone sexy and kinky. This was after we'd exchanged quite a few messages and I'd agreed to meet him because he said he was also looking for a long term relationship and wasn't interested in bed hopping. No idea what he means by kinky. And I didn't want to ask as I don't like discussing sex with someone I haven't met. I may regret meeting him if I find he has some weird fetish

@RunsforCake14 You''re right on the dinner front - at least for a first time date! Re tonight just go for it and report back to us later :-)

@Florencerex - I tried Hinge but I felt it was a bit weird. Bumble is good, but if you are travelling about and you have location switched on you will get matches for that area. I was wondering why I was getting all these matches from the West Midlands (I live in London) - it was because I'd been in Birmingham for the day. I guess that's ok for Hook Ups but not for me. I'm 46 btw. There are plenty of guys saying they're 49 (to come under the 50 mark) but they're very obviously in their late 50s... so look closely :-)

It's amazing how many '49' year old men are on OLD. I've had dates with some of them and worked out within minutes of seeing them that they were lying.
I had a date last year with someone who was 54 on Match but is now only 47 on POF.

Ooo can I join in?

I've been window shopping on Tinder and have noticed that as soon as I mention I am separated and have 3 kids, they unmatch! It's quite rude! Why not just say they aren't looking for someone with kids!!
I actually just want the odd coffee date, definitely don't want anyone to meet my kids anytime soon!

@inmy there’s a rather dishy lawyer on Bumble who has explicitly stated he doesn’t want to meet anyone with an ex or with kids (which I appreciated as it saves time wasting). Anyway, he liked me on Bumble and I messaged straight away saying I wasn’t suitable as I have an ex and child. He unmatched straight away, which was fine.

I don’t mention my status on mine but I do tell my matches within a few messages.

I always put that I've kids on my profile so I'm not wasting time with someone who's no interest in kids. Don't give too much information but it's worth saying I think

@Milomonster he wanted someone without an ex? ....did he want someone who'd been locked in a cupboard all their life? 🧐

I always had the fact that I had kids on my profile but that I also lead quite an independent life and had plenty of time for me if that makes sense?
While I wasn't looking for anyone to meet my kids necessarily I thought it was important to meet someone who'd be prepared to accept that they're part of me and they take priority over everything.

I'm just not sure why they can't be polite and say thanks but no thanks!
Like the other day I was messaging someone and with the first half dozen messages I could tell we wouldn't get on (What do you do for fun? Drive fast and good sex ) but I wouldn't just unmatch. I said 'You are attractive in your pics but I'm not sure we would get on. Good luck though, Bye.' It's common decency no?

runs looking forward to hearing how your date goes?

inmyshoos I think people tend to forget they are talking to an actual person online with feelings and vulnerabilities so it gives them the right to act poorly. I guess that's why one of the main rules is to develop a thick skin. It's a shame but I guess that's just the nature of Old unfortunately.

My date with Mr Kinky wasn't what I expected. I thought he'd be confident and talkative. Instead he was shy and very quiet. I think I talked almost non stop for an hour because if I stopped, he just stared at me. It was a bit unsettling. I also found it hard to find out much about him. He didn't seem to like answering questions about himself. Not because he was hiding anything, more that he hadn't got much to say.

I would go on a second date to see if he was more relaxed. But I don't think I could cope if he just spent the evening staring at me again.