Dating thread 141 - fun and games

[Koko12]

Hope not stepping in anyone’s toes but thought I’d start the new thread as old one was full and I wanted to post!

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Rich if it was just a date a year ago sorry but she's likely forgotten. If you're meeting a lot of men it can become a bit of a blur!

So had a few dates with a Bumble match- ... planning to stay together tonight... Im really looking forward to this. Not sure hes the one as he is a bit highly strung but i like his company. Then, during a few suggestive messages last night he makes reference to my 'flower'. Several times. Why on earth would a grown man call it that?!! AIBU to feel put off?!

NorthernFlowerHouse I think it's a little weird, is he awkward in other aspects?

Unless he's being literal and turns up at your door with a watering can and a bag of fertiliser. I'd probably close the curtains and turn the lights out in that case.

Yes eraser he is a bit awkward, often asking whether I think something he said was weird. He seems very anxious.

That is a possibility, he did buy me a beautiful orchid so Maybe I've got the wrong end of the stick here and he just wants to come round and do some light gardening!

Northernflowerhouse No there's a line "can I pop over for a bit of light gardening" I'm not a prude by any means but too much explicit sex talk too early turns me right off, references to my flowers would cause instant skin crawling.

@eraser

Yes a very sarcastic SMS was issued this morning. The word wanker was featured. 😉. Poor widdle diddums boy blocked me on Whatsapp instantly. No doubt writing me off as psycho!! Arf. 😏

I've joined Bumble. I soooooo wish I'd done this before POF, which has been a complete baptism of fire for me. I only liked 2 men in my area and they've both matched with me, so I'll send them both a message and see what happens...

MrHipster is breadcrumbing me, but I know what he's up to so I'm happy to play the game for a while, it's quite fun. I've got a lovely picture collection going in exchange for not very much at all, and after no sex for the best part of 2 years, I think I deserve it .

it's odd isn't it, how this messaging thing is such a nightmare

I was reflecting today on the dates I did in the 3 months. I reckon I must have seen maybe 20 men in that time?

my stats are as follows

1 i would have seen again but he didn't want a relationship with me (and he told me instantly and boy it was a shock and it hurt but I think on reflection, this is the best way to do it) - we became friends and are still v occasional fwb

1 we both agreed we fancied each other like nothing else but our personalities were just not going to hit it off long term - he is still a friend of mine (not fwb) and I see him once a week!

2 dtd on first date - in both cases, we clearly adored each other from the start. One (MrMusic) ended up mucking me around enormously, cancelling dates, then apologising, being full on, then pulling away completely. We blocked each other, but ended up being in contact with each other again (he found me via another platform). We are dreadful together - can't get him out of my head and he clearly can't me out of his. The other (MrHappn) who was the best sex I have ever had, is still in contact with me but still also getting over his ex so not in the place for a relationship. And truth be told, I would not have a relationship with him now I know what he's like but would be happy to be a fwb (but I don't think emotionally he can do that with me).

4 I saw more than once because I couldn't make up my mind immediately. I now realise that was probably a mistake and I should really do what date 1 did to me and make a decision pretty quickly because in a way, with all of them, it prolonged the agony till I eventually said no.

12 were total non starters (2 bought me gifts which I hate utterly hate, one bought gifts FOR MY CHILDREN, one spent all date telling me how he sucked men's cocks in the 90s, one admitted very early on that he was a cross dresser (not a problem for me btw but I didn't feel a spark anyway), one was outrageously rude and dismissive - could almost feel his hatred for women, one was married, one started off the date with a high pitched voice as a joke and I nearly ran a mile and the rest were just non starters).

What is obvious to me now I look at it is that the quality of the texting/messaging beforehand was absolutely no guide as to how I got on with them. So my feeling (which was my feeling before starting this) is that you have to meet super quickly to avoid over investment but also to avoid wasting your time!

Well I have lost yet another iron (Mr Tall) after he sent me a message early that was racist, not towards me but to a certain ethnicall group. I stopped messaging as soon as he sent it and I won’t be messaging him again, his veiws are very strong.

So I’m trying to except the fact that I probably won’t be dating anyone this side of Christmas.

I’ve been on Bumble over a week now but I can’t seem to find a connection with anyone. They are either too full on so I block or just don’t meet my (quite low) criteria of working, having a car, not smoking, not clubbing every wkend etc

AtSea1979 Bumble is very cyclical so you have to persevere and exercise those thumb muscles a bit but I'm sure you'll find someone you connect with soon.

Azzizam What an arse. Well rid of people like that. Onwards and upwards!

Lovemusic33 Sorry to hear that, sounds like you dodged a bullet though.

Been catching up with everyone's updates. I think it's a funny time of year for dating, I can't really find the energy!

Hello @swiping and @midcentury legs.

@daffo, I agree no chemistry, there's no point. I nodded away at your post summarising your dating. Mine is very similar. And I agree with you about meeting early. I also think the sexond date to see as you weren't sure is something I 100% do. And I don't know why I do it, probably because they are nice people.
Mr Geek hasn't messaged me today so I think it might be a mutual slow fade....

@northernflower. Nope I couldn't deal with the flower comment either. Bleurgh. I unmatched someone who said they liked old fashioned courtship had unveiling a woman like a flower. Nope.

@daffo that was very helpful. That’s for sharing.
Talking to a rather gorgeous Italian who actually read my profile and asked me specific questions and didn’t comment on my appearance. Hurrah. Downside - his age is listed as 39 but I reckon he’s 10 years older....

*Thanks for sharing

coolcahuna Is 'sexond date' a typo because its brilliant whether intended or not

Hello peeps,

Well my update is meeting MrSubmissive at the weekend as we have texted a lot and I said pointless to continue like this. He just wants to serve me, no relationship there but I'm intrigued even if getting to know this world a bit more. Matched on Bumble with a fun, quirky guy but he is a recovering alcoholic. I shared the fact my ex was an alcoholic too so didn't want to go there but we seem have connected really well in the friendzone! Every cloud....

So no dream date yet.....

@eraser, total typo ! But I agree maybe sexond is the way forward !

Cahuna I think I would've cringed to death at that!!

Eesha definitely a big upside of OLD, the lovely friends I would Never have otherwise made!

Hey got my second date coming up tomorrow whoop whoop any etiquette I should follow? Been out of this game far too long

@Rebornagain

Is it the 2nd date with the same guy or the second time you've been on a first date with someone from OLD IYSWIM?!

No etiquette as such, just go with the flow and enjoy yourself! Don't do anything you're not comfortable doing but then again don't hold back doing something if you feel you want to!
There really are no rules so long as you keep yourself safe.
Have fun!

Any advice on how to hold your nerve?

Met the guy once, we had a great time, I went back to his, we messed around in bed but didn’t DTD. He says he likes me, wants to see me again, I feel the same.

But we chat via WhatsApp and I can see he’s online a LOT. Obviously there’s a strong possibility he could be talking to other people or he could be chatting to mates. But it makes me anxious. For a start my ex conducted his affair over WhatsApp and he promised me the world so I have fairly low expectations of anyone I’ve just met and am not in a relationship with.

Was thinking of just asking but then a) he could lie or b) if he’s not up to anything I’ll look needy.

But honestly this shit is doing my head in.

Alternatively I could just ask to chat over texts as then I wouldn’t know either way and what ever happens will happen

What do you think?

fondue if you've only met once, it's very likely he is talking to other people. Unless you've had a chat about being exclusive or there's an understanding or agreement that you'll only talk to one person at a time, it's likely that he is seeing other people.

I mean you're not in an exclusive relationship yet. You're just dating and unfortunately, until you're at that point, you have to see it that way

Daffo deffo. Yes, you’re absolutely right and until last Thursday I was talking to someone else too, it’s just so flipping obvious online!

Also from what we’ve talked about it seems I am the more experienced dater of the pair of us. So he can say all the nice things he wants to but I’ve heard it all before. Lots and lots of bullshit basically (I do try to have an open mind but I’m very wary)

Fondue change your settings on WhatsApp so you can’t see when people are online and they can’t see when your online, it’s the best thing I ever did, I spent so much time stressing over ‘why is he online but hasn’t messaged me?’, now I don’t know so I don’t stress about it. My ex did the same as yours and was messaging other women and arranging to meet them on whatsap. Lots of people use whatsapp for work (I do) as well as chatting to friends and family so he might not be talking to others, it is early days though, you have only met once, try and relax and take things slowly.