Dating thread 141 - fun and games

[Koko12]

Hope not stepping in anyone’s toes but thought I’d start the new thread as old one was full and I wanted to post!

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Just checking in as not much been happening as reality and everyday life has started again lol.

Mr Cheekybanter is hoping to come to mine next week if he can get out of work for the day....hopefully he will has I'm begining to forget what he looks like and I'm hoping that scratching his itch will calm him down a bit lol. He has been sweet but still full on with the cheeky banter, but I hope he continues to be normal in real life like he was the last 2 times we met. Will keep reading to keep myself up-to-date with you all and keep you posted if anything transpires next week!

Milomonster I'm prepared to overlook the introspective navel gazing because aforementioned navel is on a 6ft 2 body of perfection, so...nope

Yes let's not be ghosters. It's taken me six weeks to mentally recover from the hurt, disappointment, shattered self esteem etc.

Let's give a reason no matter if it's a white lie, gone back with an ex, bogged down with work or whatever.

If someone then becomes a pain, you can always block them. A lot of us are fragile and many men suffer too. Aside from the players, I reckon most of us are trying to get it right, even the clumsy sex pests!

@Queenofthedrivensnow I'm in the SW. I'll be careful not to date any roofers.

Nice post Azzizam A reminder that kindness costs nothing and can make a great deal of difference to someone's mental wellbeing. Being ghosted is a special kind of cruelty. I have done a lot of reading around it since it happened to me and the bottom line is always: it's not you, it's them. Doesn't make it easier to get over though. I'd rather be rejected outright than be ghosted.

Queen I'm in the SW (Cornwall and Devon), so shall avoid anyone with scaffolding in their profile pic

Hi everyone,
I've been lurking on this thread (& previous) for a little while & maybe hoping to get a bit of advice/reassurance!

I'm separated & have been trying online dating for a couple of months. I havnt yet managed even one date & wondering if I'm doing something wrong! I'm 33, not too bad looking, I've had a good few conversations but they always seem to fizzle out after a couple of messages (usually their end)

I'm always upfront about the fact that im separated & have a toddler & wondering if that puts people off? I just don't know, any tips??

@Rosiepicnic I'm sortof in a similar situation in the sense both my kids are 2. I just think people realise you'll have limited time with small kids and they move onto those with less baggage. I don't think it's the case each time but I think there is so much choice out there.

Dating is exhausting!! Not only has my FWB cancelled on me last night my 1st date has cancelled on me tonight!!

I've decided to come off all the dating sites. I'm so busy at the moment that I'm struggling to fit dates in and people are getting annoyed with me!

MrEmail was a nightmare date and it's actually put me off. He was so dull and ridiculous. I cancelled Mr6kids and he got really upset with me and I just thought I can't be doing this!

So I'll go off them till after Xmas. Tbh I have so much on between now and going away over Xmas with the kids, I only have one free weekend!

I'll still post on here though and keep seeing how you're all doing!

And milo if you arrange a meet up in London, I would love to come x

Whoknows that's annoying. Hope you found something better to do

Daffo sounds like a good decision. Hope you have lots of fun things planned for the next few weeks.

The guy I thought I was getting on really well with the other day has disappeared. We'd moved to WA but I haven't heard from him since late Thursday. Sent a message today which was read but no reply.

I'm chatting to someone else who seems ok but a bit full on. He says he wants a relationship but then managed to slip into the chat that he was looking for someone sexy and kinky. I ignored it but I suspect now he is really just after sex. Oh, and he is 10yrs younger than me!

Daffo I’m thinking of doing the same, I just can’t be bothered with it all, I’m struggling to message people and arrange dates, I might meet with Mr Hippie next week but I can’t be bothered with looking on POF or Twitter at the moment. In a way I don’t want to stress of dating someone near Christmas, it’s a hard time for me and I prefer to have no major distractions so I can do my best to make it good for my dc’s.

I'm still chatting to MrPB but otherwise I'm taking a break now till the new year, I suppose I'll probably have the occasional look on Bumble but I'm not going to spend much time on it.

After meeting mr young for the dog walk two weeks ago and just getting the 'nice to meet you' txt and nothing else,i deleted off all apps last sunday. Not just because I was a bit miffed,but just thought why am I doing all this again. I've actually had the most relaxing week! It's getting easier every day not to redo my profile. I think I was addicted to dating so having a long break :)

Not been on in a while. Sorry to hear those who are disillusioned with it all. It's hard going isn't it. I've been separated for 6 years this month and cannot believe I'm still having to trawl through photos of random men in the slim hope that I meet someone decent enough to build a relationship with. It shouldn't be this hard!!!
All I can say is take a break, I've taken lots over the years, regroup with friends, family etc and rejoin the sites after Xmas when you might feel a new energy for trying them again....

So I've been seeing Mr Spain now for a few weeks. All very pleasant but I'm just not sure. Need help... he has yet to make a move to move on from a quick snog at the end of the night. He has not even alluded to sex once. It's bothering me. Usually they can't wait to get you into bed but this one hasn't even suggested that he fancies me other than the fact he always arranges the next date at the end of the last one, and always texts etc regularly throughout the week. Other than that, nothing. He has not paid me one compliment at all. Am I being a diva wanting to know? We are 4/5 dates in now and have had the, are we dating other people conversation to which we both said no. I shouldn't have agreed that should I?

Quite a few taking a break it seems. Well, my break lasted all of a day. Re-did my profile. Paid for a month’s subscription and I’m aghast at the number of people who swipe right and have absolutely zero in common with me on any level.

I liked the posts about ghosting. I felt utterly shit at MrDivine not responding after saying we would meet and we only exchanged a handful of messages. I can’t imagine what it’s like if you’ve met someone in person and like them.

Talking to a rather bloke. I asked him to tell me about himself and he just repeated all the things I’d mentioned as my likes in my profile. Sigh...

*rather boring bloke

I was completely ghosted by a guy I'd been seeing for 4 months earlier on this year. It's horrible. Just horrible. Took me months to pick myself up from it!

@changeoflife Mr Spain sounds like an old fashioned gent tbh. Perhaps he is really nervous and doesn't want to blow it by being too forward and is waiting for you to take the lead?

Do you compliment him - he may start mirroring your behaviour if you lay it on thick. I know most of us just want to be swept off our feet by a guy who says and does all the right things, but I think a lot of men (particularly those who have come out of ltr's) are pretty clueless when it comes to wooing a lady.

Maybe at the end of your next quick snog you need to suggest you'd like to take things further- he's never going to be more up for it than at that moment in time so carpe diem as they say

jsp you are right. I need to move things on a bit myself I think! Meeting later for coffee so I'll try to compliment him without it being completely obvious. I'm not shy but find situations like this awkward. I don't want to scare the guy off but at the same time I need some wooing or we risk this moving to snogging only dating which I don't want!

I don’t think it can be called ghoasted if you haven’t met the person? I understand that it’s upsetting when you have been seeing someone and they vanish, Mr Marathon and Mr Kayak both did this too me a few weeks ago (Mr Marathon for the 2nd time), I used to find it really upsetting but it seems to happen to me a lot. If I included all the men that I chat too that suddenly vanish it would be loads, it happens most weeks (I chat to someone, they ask me out on a date and then they vanish before the date), I now just move on and just take it that they have found someone better to talk too or they have realised we are not comparable.

With Mr Nature he had said a few things to piss me off, I asked him to back off as I had stuff going on, he continued to pester me so I stopped messaging, wouldn’t call it ghosting as we have never met.

Anyway, I’m going to take a break, I haven’t deleted my accounts, I’m just not wasting my evenings trialling through loads of weirdos on POF as it’s making me feel rubbish. If someone interesting messages me then that great but I don’t think it will happen. I’m going to concentrate on getting out and about more, getting back to the gym and pool and feeling better about myself.

lovemusic33 For me it depends how long you've been talking, if you've only exchanged a few messages I think that's fine, if you've been talking for a couple of weeks or longer it's a bit harsh, it's a case by case decision. I wouldn't hesitate if I thought I was going to get a lot of grief.

@Lovemusic33 I think that's fair enough with MrNature. You set boundaries and he continually ignored them, so he reaped the consequences - radio silence, I wouldn't feel bad about doing that. I'm a great believer in listening to your gut instinct, it's an extra sense too many people ignore.

I'm still chatting to Mr Hipster who seems to been lightening up a little, (at last) and also Mr Accountant who has already apologised to me when I admonished him for asking what I was doing in bed when he messaged me at 7am this morning - I think he was hoping for more than being told I was redesigning my house on Pinterest...

@changeoflife I seem to be in a similar situation however things have progressed physically. That aside I honestly don’t know how things are going with MrKent. Some days I’m telling myself it’s not happening and he’s not interested and then others he seems pretty keen. We’ve had 4 dates, kissed on all of them and had sex on date 3! However with this is was keen to stay over but I got huge vibes that he didn’t want me to! Even that threw me as I thought he’d be keen to then have sex again in the morning. But no I was home by midnight.

I’ve asked him if he’s dating others to which he says no. However he didn’t ask me the same question back which would have been awkward as I’m chatting to others with the hope of dating them!

I honestly have no clue about him. He’s busy with work and his children so that can be an excuse I guess but I’m not being swept off my feet like I had kinda hoped!

Anyhow I’ve put myself out there and asked when date no. 5 is happening and he seems keen. Was going to invite him over one night this week when the kids are in bed! Does that sound ok?

@Whoknows11 I think I'd be really hurt if they didn't want me to stay over. Do you think he is seeing others but not telling you?

@Eesha would you? I must admit it did play on my mind a bit. We had sex twice, cuddled in between and afterwards. But yes it did feel weird getting dressed and leaving!
I wouldn’t be surprised if he was but the fact he’s said he’s not makes me want to believe him.