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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 141 - fun and games

999 replies

Koko12 · 25/10/2018 19:05

Hope not stepping in anyone’s toes but thought I’d start the new thread as old one was full and I wanted to post!

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
JeSuisPrest · 02/11/2018 13:48

@WhoKnows11 - I've not got a clue - I've been ghosted, though he's not blocked me on WhatsApp - the 2 grey ticks are there, but the messages aren't read? My spidey senses are telling me he may not have been as single as he was making out (I didn't see any evidence of a woman living at his house when he gave me a tour on WhatsApp video, but I don't know what else to think). I won't be making that mistake again, but you live and learn I suppose.

Ex H has just confirmed that he will have DC Sunday during the day and overnight, so if I get any replies from last night's messaging, I'm going to try and arrange a first meet up sooner rather than later and not waste a couple of weeks messaging.

Advice needed though ladies - I may have committed an OLD etiquette faux pas. I noticed a guy I've known socially for about 10 years on there, he is really lovely and has had a horrid couple of years - his wife left him 4 months after they got married for another guy (who she was seeing before they got married). I know his self esteem took an absolute bashing over it. In his profile he is so down on himself - e.g. "I know I'm not the most photogenic guy" etc - but he is lovely. He is a friend so off limits as far I'm concerned and there's a lot of history involving my exh, his exw and her best friend - very messy - they all work together and he knew about my husband's affair with his exw's best friend before I did.

Anyway, I just messaged him and said "Hi M, don't worry, I'm not about to hit on you, but I just wanted to say don't be so down on yourself in your profile, you are a good looking guy and any lady would be lucky to have you. Hope you find a lovely lady soon, you deserve it after everything you've gone through. Take care, JSPx"

Now I'm worried I shouldn't have said anything, but his profile just screams "I've got low self esteem and I'm terrified of getting hurt". Sad

likeridingabike · 02/11/2018 14:00

jesuisprest That's a nice thing to do.

DogDayMorning · 02/11/2018 14:06

JSP that was a lovely message to send and absolutely the right thing to do. I think we all get a bit caught up in the us versus them mentality of OLD and hold back from just being normal and kind when it's appropriate. I saw a similarly agonised profile of a guy I used to date and messaged him on Bumble to ask if he was OK. He really wasn't, we met up again and I think I've been a good sounding board for him. (And yes, we DTD but it's therapy, right?Grin)

JeSuisPrest · 02/11/2018 14:14

Thanks @likeridingabike and @DogDayMorning - "Be normal and kind", is going on my mantra list together with "What will be, will be". It comes to something when you start doubting yourself over sending a nice message to a friend! lol at DTD therapy Grin

Whoknows11 · 02/11/2018 14:49

@JeSuisPrest that’s rubbish! Why do people waste other people’s time like that!! He did sound full on though and yes like you say lesson learnt!

I think what you’ve messaged your friend/acquaintance sounds lovely!

Onwards and upwards to the others you e matched with!

I’m on plan for a 1st date tomorrow night!! He’s 42, never been married and no children so naturally sceptical!!

Onlylivetwice · 02/11/2018 15:19

That’s helpful thank you likeriding. Think I need to check out Bumble...!

Milomonster · 02/11/2018 15:58

@JSP that’s a lovely thing to do! And you may have made his day.

coolcahuna · 02/11/2018 16:20

@jesuis, sorry to hear about Mr Young! Did he ghost you pre meet? My only similar experience a few years ago - he popped up on people you may know on FB - very much had a girlfriend. So I reckon they broke up and then got back together!

MrTall, the hardwork 30 minute coffee guy messaged me this morning saying ' lovely to meet you, blah blah', no mention of a second date so I replied politely. If he asks for a second date, I'll need to think of a nice response.

Went to a work do last night which was super fun. I met someone there (married - so no go) who was really attractive to me, both looks and personality. But it was good reminder to me that I am usually pretty quickly attracted to someone looks and personality so when I'm on the fence about someone, there is a good reason!

Seeing MrGeek on sunday, time for a snog to see if there is anything there.

I need more irons in the fire!

What dates do people have this weekend?

midcenturylegs · 02/11/2018 16:21

@JeSuisPrest I agree with the others - that was a nice & normal message to send. Not an OLD etiquette fail at all.

@Milomonster would be lovely to meet up but I'm not sure how many OLD stories I have after just doing it for 3 weeks.. Hmmm I did years and years ago (hence my story of drunkenly climbing out of a restaurant bathroom window ).

Sometimes I wonder if we should share more info on who we are dating.. in case it's the same person!! 😬

midcenturylegs · 02/11/2018 16:25

Bloody hell, have just seen a man from work on Bumble, someone I worked with super intensively on a bid recently.
I thought he was absolutely LOVELY as I was knew to that side of work and he was so supportive - no ring so I decided I fancied him. But he then talked about his kids and wife so I realised it was a no-go.. seeing him on Bumble has made me feel pretty fed up. Bastard..

Milomonster · 02/11/2018 16:29

@mid how recently? Maybe divorced/separated now? I am shocked at the number of married men (anecdotally) on there....

Has anyone done speed dating?

JeSuisPrest · 02/11/2018 16:36

@coolcahuna Yep, ghosted me just before we were due to meet yesterday. It was all very strange but I've put it behind me. His issues aren't going to stop me jumping back in, even though I'm a little more cautious.

The friend I contacted has just replied saying thanks for the lovely message, he's trying to keep his head held high, so I'm glad I did it now. Smile

coolcahuna · 02/11/2018 16:44

@jesuit, good for you. All you can control is how you react, learn from it and move on. You know it will be nothing to do with you!

Definitely a good call to message your friend, what a nice supportive message :-)

RunsforCake14 · 02/11/2018 18:27

Milo I've done speed dating. It was fun, intense, better than I thought it would be but I didn't get any dates out of it.

JeSuis sorry to hear Mr Young has done that to you.

Love please don't ghost Mr Nature. If he's too full on or not for you then you should tell him. Look at JeSuis's experience with Mr Young. It's hard when you think someone likes you and then they just vanish.

No dates for me this weekend. But I've got a busy weekend so no time for dating anyway

Milomonster · 02/11/2018 19:37

@runs thanks. I think I need to find alternative dating events...I’m rather missing Bumble but I’m giving it a one month break.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 02/11/2018 19:48

Checking back in. Anyone else dating in the south west?

Lovemusic33 · 02/11/2018 20:06

Queen Me (kind of SW).

Lovemusic33 · 02/11/2018 20:12

Runs I don’t usually ghoast but Mr Nature has pissed me off several times, I told him I had a lot going on (2 relitives in hospital, ex husband unwell so can’t have the dd’s) and he still keeps on about meeting and being pushy, he then started asking if he could try out my bed and telling me how we could cuddle in bed when we meet Hmm, he just gives me the creeps (something about him). I just haven’t replied to him after his last comment about trying the bed out in my Campervan. I know ghoasting isn’t nice but sometimes I just get pissed off with people assuming I fancy them before I have even met them and assuming they are are going to get sex.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 02/11/2018 20:19

Mostly I'm perversely curious who ended up dating my horror ex. Otherwise I'm just failing on tinder!

Lovemusic33 · 02/11/2018 20:30

Queen I often wonder if anyone's dated any of my irons. I also wonder if it would be wrong to warn others when we meet someone who's a liar or possible sex pest.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 02/11/2018 21:38

I wish to warn about Irish roofers!

Lovemusic33 · 02/11/2018 21:41

I shall keep away from rish roofers. Luckily I’m not keen on the Irish accent. I have dated one roofer but he wasn’t Irish.

Koko12 · 03/11/2018 07:20

jesuis agree with the other posters that your message wasn’t a fail at all but a really nice thing to do.

Sorry to hear about all the ghosting,infidels and creeps out there! There are some nice ones out there-it’s just sifting through the crap first that’s frustrating.

As for me, yesterday’s date with Mr Weekend went really well. I don’t want to go in to too much detail (always know that I like someone when I don’t feel comfortable giving away too much on here!) but needless to say we had a lovely lunch, dtd was much better and he’s just a lovely lovely man. Plans to see each other again next week.

OP posts:
JeSuisPrest · 03/11/2018 08:06

Koko your post gives us all hope Grin glad you had a great time.

Had a 3hr online chat with MrHipster last night - he's very deep and meaningful, possibly not quite what I'm after at the moment, but we'll see what happens.

Milomonster · 03/11/2018 08:25

@jsp pass him to me. I like deep and meaningful Grin