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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 141 - fun and games

999 replies

Koko12 · 25/10/2018 19:05

Hope not stepping in anyone’s toes but thought I’d start the new thread as old one was full and I wanted to post!

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
Passmeagin · 01/11/2018 21:22

@likeridingabike it doesn't make any sense does it? Why talk to someone so much if you have no intention of meeting. I've been badly burnt by someone I was seeing at the start of the year so have put up huge walls. So now I'm gutted the one person I let them down with is acting like this. Oh well onwards and upwards I suppose

Passmeagin · 01/11/2018 21:25

@runsforcake how disappointing! I don't understand how people can pretend they look differently. We will realise when we meet them! At least you had a pleasant hour long convo mind

likeridingabike · 01/11/2018 21:58

passmeagin I don't understand it, I spent 5 weeks last year talking to a bloke who with hindsight clearly had no intention of meeting me. He wanted conversation, company and wanking material without the effort of actual going out. It's either laziness or they're not who they say they are.

DaffoDeffo · 01/11/2018 22:03

I hate that runs

milo don't give up or get put off by my experience! I am sat on the train smiling. Mr6kids tomorrow can only be better right?!

There's a bloke on bumble chatting to me who is only interested in sex and I almost feel relieved because at least I know where I stand with him!

DaffoDeffo · 01/11/2018 22:06

like sorry it is messing with your head. I hate this bit and it's the time when you really do wish people could be honest about what's going on :(. But sadly we can't control their behaviour only our response to it. Can you put a song on to cheer yourself up? I sometimes find an empowering female singer does the trick. I love Alison Moyet's All Cried Out.

And can I say may I NEVER meet another man who thinks he's good at accents again :)

AprilFool18 · 01/11/2018 22:34

Well, I haven't updated since the beginning of the last thread. I've been feeling really down and had some difficult communication with my exH which is affecting my confidence a lot.

I only really have 1, maybe 2 irons at the moment.

Mr Boardgames - I've seen him probably 6 times now, we both really like each other, He's lovely, a feminist, easy to talk to, generous in bed. I think he would be happy to move things to a more serious level, but I only want a fairly casual relationship (still emotionally processing my impending divorce, am insanely busy with work/study/kids, and am enjoying a variety of sexual experiences, which I'd never had as I married the first man I slept with and stayed with him for 19 years). So we will probably have to have that conversation soon, and see if casual-but-ongoing works for him or not.

Mr Meter is my very occasional FWB from another city. I've seen him twice now .. he usually messages a few days before he travels for work. I don't know if I will see him again, we don't ever message in between meetings. The sex is nice but not mind-blowing, but there's something compelling about him....

Mr Tropics - we've only messaged very briefly, and maybe planning on meeting up soon. We are both only looking for something casual, and both terribly laid back about it all, so I won't be surprised if it never eventuates lol.

That's it for me, and I'm not actively swiping at the moment. I have my final post-grad subject for the year ... it's an an intensive, which means 6 months of work squished into 6 weeks ... so I don't have a huge amount of free time for dating and messaging.

AprilFool18 · 01/11/2018 22:54

Well, I just noticed Mr Tropics unmatched me sometime between yesterday and this morning, which is disappointing. I was quite interested in meeting him.

JeSuisPrest · 02/11/2018 03:24

So annoyed with myself that I got over invested with MrYoung. My gut told me to ignore him - too young /tattoos/ piercings and I ignored my instincts. Lesson learned.

I've just messaged 5 new guys on POF (actually 1 I had messaged last week but he was a really slow responder).

So I wonder who'll I'll hear back from out of the following:

MrTallTeacher
MrShortTeacher
Mr Runner
MrAccountant
MrRugby

Exciting Grin

AsleepAllDay · 02/11/2018 04:22

@likeridingabike a friend mentioned that he used to have a 'one week rule' which sounds good to me! Too many just want to mess about

likeridingabike · 02/11/2018 07:04

I'm going message him later to try to work out what he actually wants, if he just wants to be friends I can probably do that but he'll have to stop with the flirty talk and dial back on the volume of messages. He's in his early 50s FFS he needs to stop playing games.

Lovemusic33 · 02/11/2018 07:33

Feeling slightly jealous at everyone’s irons, I don’t really have any, I’m fed up of people going all weird on me with sexual innuendos before I have even met them. I am ghoasting Mr Nature, he’s just too creepy what with his weird photos (where he looks like a serial killer) and him dropping hints about wanting to test out the bed in my Campervan Hmm. Mr Hippie wants a date but I’m not feeling that great about him so I’m not putting much effort in to fix a date and messaging seems to be slow anyway. I can’t seem to find anyone on POF, Tinder or Bumble that look remotely normal and don’t have young kids.

likeridingabike · 02/11/2018 07:52

Lovemusic33 You can sit with me, I don't have any irons and I'm not in the mood for finding any.

Milomonster · 02/11/2018 08:04

I’m joining you guys. I deleted Bumble and am feeling a bit lost as I think I spent so much time swiping. It’s good to take a break and reassess. I did send my my number to MrDivine before deleting. I think if he was really serious about meeting, he’d have contacted me beforehand. So, I’m certain I won’t hear from him. Oh well...

Eesha · 02/11/2018 08:11

@Lovemusic33 me too aside from MrSubmissive and I'm not sure i even want to go down that route. I swear Bumble has become an ego massaging exercise for men, some of which I probably wouldn't look twice at but actually swiped on (then no response)....

Milomonster · 02/11/2018 08:11

Any London people fancy a meet-up to share funny dating stories and advice?

Lovemusic33 · 02/11/2018 08:23

Eesha yes, I'm sure men just swipe on everyone on bumble just to see of the match, I match with everyone I swipe on. I have messaged a few people but haven't really got anywhere.

I'm happy to sit on the shelve for a bit, life's a bit busy anyway, I can't be doing with the stress of dating people that I'm not that keen on.

Onlylivetwice · 02/11/2018 09:13

Just come to say hello! Fascinating reading this thread. I’m very new to OLD and in the 50+ zone. Can I join you? Separated since New Year and still living in the same house as STBX so I’ve been holding off even thinking about dating and now think I need to just get out there. Already been chatting with a guy on Tinder and he is tentatively giving me the benefit of the doubt I feel with my weird set up. Have been honest with him. Have also outed a few married men by just asking them directly ‘are you married’?! Have a FWB who is fab and has really helped me regain my confidence, most of our ‘realtionship’ is online but when we do meet up he lasts less than a minute!!! I need a lot more than a minute!!!
Can anyone advise...I’m in the south but travel abroad with work and spend time up north with family so what do you do re your distance? Leave it switched on?
Also weird going in Tinder where I still live - came across a friend’s husband... what is that all about and what do you do about that??

Milomonster · 02/11/2018 10:25

I came across a close married friend on Bumble when he was visiting London from another city. I confronted him and he said he was “just looking” and no intention of sleeping with anyone even though he stated “casual” in the looking for option. I know he struggles with lack of intimacy in marriage and he asked me to stop being judgey....

likeridingabike · 02/11/2018 10:48

That's a tricky one, having been cheated on I'd want to know, his wife probably has suspicions anyway but we don't always want to acknowledge them.

MrPB has been in touch this morning, in response to me asking for a very clear explanation of what he's looking for he wants to go back to where we started which was friends and see what happens, but he hopes it might develop into more. He's very guarded and I'm assuming has been hurt previously so I'm going to roll with it but keep myself emotionally safe.

midcenturylegs · 02/11/2018 10:49

@Milomonster grrrr. I'd have said "Just looking for what, imminent divorce?"
I'm in London btw.. if you do manage to organise anything re a meetup can I come along?

@Onlylivetwice sounds like there's a lot going on for you!  it's confusing this whole OLD thing, hang in there!

I had a work do last night, drank too much and I sent some jumbled text to Mr5Kids I probably shouldn't have..

Milomonster · 02/11/2018 11:12

@mid I’m up for meeting. Anyone else?
He has a cushy life with his wife and kids and doesn’t want to lose access to them. She won’t have enough sex with him but won’t let him stray either and so he’s in a tricky situation.

Onlylivetwice · 02/11/2018 11:18

Thank you mid century - I’m determined to hang in there and fully intend to be light-hearted about the whole OLD thing. The friend’s husband thing is really awkward as he’s aligned to a club my young adult son goes to. I don’t think that would be very good for my son to hear of ‘so-and-so’ was spotted on Tinder by Onlylivetwice’s mum!!! He’s already had a lot to deal with this year.... of course I also have to acknowledge that friend’s husband on Tinder might have spotted me and already told numerous blokes at said club Shock!!! Not to mention STBX who will dine out big time on me being spotted.
It’s made me nervous about showing my face online around where I live though. Advice re switching on and off would be really helpful- also, do you keep yourself visible when at work? Is that a bit weird if colleagues see you? Or am I over-thinking? Thank you for your support- it’s so good to be able to voice these thoughts X

Onlylivetwice · 02/11/2018 11:20

by his mum ....I think? Confused myself nowGrin!!

likeridingabike · 02/11/2018 11:24

onlylivetwice I think OLD is so normal now no one will be bothered, that said I'm using Bumble because you can easily block people so if my exHs friends or someone at work appears I can block them and hide.

Whoknows11 · 02/11/2018 12:59

@JeSuisPrest what happened with MrYoung?

I’ve nearly given up with my date let’s call him MrKent. Again he messages me everyday but doesn’t seem that interested in me!

We matched on tinder the other day and I realised he had a new photo on there taken the day after our 2nd date. Made me think i this dating life is such a game! He claims he’s not dating anyone else but who am I to care or judge as I potentially am tomorrow night 😂