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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My Date Last Night. Help me make sense of it.

228 replies

Conway007 · 25/10/2018 15:18

I recently met a guy on OLD. After a few messages, we exchange numbers and spoke on the phone. He then texted to ask if he could take me out on a date. I agreed, he booked a table at a very posh restaurant (his choice) and the date was last night. I arrived before he did and was taken to our table. When I asked where he was, he told me that he was stuck in the traffic but on his way. He was one hour late!

I was expecting an athletic, tall and good-looking man as described in his profile and the pictures that he sent before we met. Instead, a fat, short bald man walked towards me - I tried my best to keep my disappointment to myself. He was scruffy and before sitting down said he was going to the toilet (nothing wrong with that). I could not understand why he would conceal his disability before we met, not that it would have mattered.

As soon as he came back, he started eating the bread which was on the table - he was eating so quickly. When our main course came (went straight for main as I wanted to get out), he ate using his hands and sometimes cutlery, he was dipping bread into all sorts of things. After he had completed his own food, he asked if I had finished, I told him that I had had enough. He asked if he could taste. In the end, he took my plate and polished everything. When the waiters took the bread away he demanded that they bring the bread back.

If that was not embarrassing enough, I returned from the toilet to see him counting carefully folded notes all over the table. The money was folded up in a little plastic bag. I suggested him that we should share the bill. He agreed and asked him to stop counting the money as I would pay the balance on my card.

We paid and I couldn't wait to get out the place quickly. I think he asked if I wanted to go to the cinema.

Why would a person conceal their disabilities? Why would a person lied about what they look like if they actually wanted to meet?

OP posts:
Livingloving · 25/10/2018 21:10

I’m starting to feel a bit sorry for the guy. He just wants to meet someone like everyone else online dating.

bobstersmum · 25/10/2018 21:10

Unless he had a legitimate reason for leaving you out on a limb for an hour, you should have legged it. Or got legless while you waited, then you might have had something in common!

TatianaLarina · 25/10/2018 21:16

can't believe you even considers going on a 'first date' to Thailand without having met the guy in question. - that was reckless and weird.

A guy asked me to go on a first date to Barbados with him, he seemed very nice but I pointed out he could be a white slaver. He got to the point and we went to the pub.

TatianaLarina · 25/10/2018 21:16

Got the point ^

Ratarse · 25/10/2018 21:18

I'm just imagining a cross between a munchkin and a drunken little clown. Quite the catch of the day.

Kennycalmit · 25/10/2018 21:22

I don’t get why you’re getting such a hard time, OP. I have been on bad dates and friends of mine have been on absolutely HORRENDOUS dates! Worse than this!!

I’m sorry to say though, I couldn’t stop laughing reading all your posts.

I don’t think any of it’s fake either. For those who have never had an awful date or any interesting date stories to tell, they make think this is far fetched etc but I don’t.

For what it’s worth, I think he sounds horrible. He may have been polite but there’s never any excuse to lie about who you are and to use fake pictures. That’s just creepy!!

SparklyMagpie · 25/10/2018 21:42

Think the clues in the beginning of OP's name

Cheque please!

Cherryberrypie · 25/10/2018 22:06

So funny, thanks op. Do you think you could manage a second date with him, I would love to hear more of this

IndieTara · 25/10/2018 22:06

I once had a date from OLD whose profile said he was 6 ft 1. I'm 5 ft 9 and 6 ft In Heels
He was half an hour late meeting me, had a go at me because I'd gone inside the bar we were supposed to meet outside of ( it was November and freezing )

He was shorter than me without heels And a dead ringer for George Doors!

I left

ballsdeep · 25/10/2018 22:08

Maybe he was tall with his legs on?

TalkInRiddles · 25/10/2018 22:25

This is so weird. It's fucking hilarious 🤣🤣🤣🤣

PhaedrasChocolate · 25/10/2018 22:43

Indie was he wearing a massive romper suit? Grin

ClaraReeva · 26/10/2018 01:56

I tell you girls, i have been on POF 6 weeks and I could already write a book about it!!!

IAmNotLikeThem · 26/10/2018 05:51

I can make complete sense of it OP!

Did he approach the restaurant from the South, by the river? When he ordered food did he go for some small crustacean - perhaps shrimp? Or snails? Did he snap at a bitter leaf salad?

When going OLD it is always said one has to kiss a lot of frogs. There is a good chance he is an actual, literal frog and the disability you refer to is not a disability at all but the gait of a still wet frog trying hard to obtain purchase on a smooth slippery floor.

This would also explain the small plastic bags with the money folded up, which is simply a practical method of keeping his bank notes dry.

Mind you I was not aware it is possible to fold up the new-style notes these days.

Conway007 · 26/10/2018 08:38

@IamNot, well he was from the South of the river.

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 26/10/2018 13:37

I would have thought anybody who works with people with disabilities would not be using the phrase "false legs" Hmm

Hissy · 26/10/2018 13:44

I’m starting to feel a bit sorry for the guy. He just wants to meet someone like everyone else online dating.

I know what you mean, but lying isn't the way to solve that.

Maybe she's unsure of how to spell prosthetic NotTheFordType?

limpbizkit · 26/10/2018 13:47

I think he was just a lonely slothenly old bloke that just wanted an excuse (hence your date) to eat at a nice restaurant without having to go alone. He's probably a loner. For him to turn up clearly very visibly different from his profile picture and not even attempt to say anything whatsoever about it and then snubbing the idea of wine for you just because he's driving and then not to bother asking you how you're getting home. Furthermore he doesn't even bother to follow up your date by trying to gauge whether he's got any luck with a follow up date. Or even just to look good and send a well wishing text. He probably does this serially. You're well rid. The disability need not even come into it. In hindsight you would have been better to call him out politely but bluntly on his dishonesty with the fake profile pics and say this isnt what you had agreed to.

florafawna · 26/10/2018 13:49

Oh, FFS!! Grin

Bluntness100 · 26/10/2018 14:07

Actually I feel a bit sorry for him too. If he used his own pic and was a little more honest he might meet someone who is interested. It must be devastating to feel you can't use a pic of yourself then see the disappointment on someone's face when you turn up. It must be soul destroying. Knowing they are only there because they thought you looked different and only eating with you because they are too polite to leave.

I'm not sure this is real, but I guess there is people out there who do this. And that's quite sad really.

TatianaLarina · 26/10/2018 14:17

Oh come on. If I set up a profile saying I was a petite Asian babe and the guy gets a nigh 6 ft blonde, of course he will be disappointed.

If he used a pic of himself and was honest he would get women who wanted to meet him for him.

But I suspect he would have to be more realistic about the kind of women he goes for. Hence the lies.

Sunshineandflipflops · 26/10/2018 14:53

Can I just say, I have done two first dates in a restaurant and they were fine! I’m not sure you can gauge someone properly in 5 mins over a coffee. I personally need longer to get a feeling for someone.
Maybe I’m just lucky in that both were as I expected them to be. If I’d been in your situation I might feel very differently!

Conway007 · 26/10/2018 15:16

Ladies, thank you for all your comments and advice. For once, this was a date that I was very optimistic about. As I have already said, we spoke on the phone a few times and texted each other. The man was always very polite.

I met him on a reasonable dating site. He instigated the first contact. I was not a paid member of this dating website and was not able to send any messages. I subscribed so I could send him a message.

Even when he was late, he sent me a nice message - something like, "In traffic. Please wait for x"

Some of you wanted to know what he did for a living - he told me that he was a teacher. Yes, he was so fucking hot that I subscribed and paid money in order to contact him.

I think it would have been impolite for me to walk out after he arrived. I stayed and we had some dinner - we tried to have some kind of conversation but I can see him drooling over me. The way he was looking at me made me uncomfortable.

He has not made contact with me and I have not contacted him as well.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 26/10/2018 15:35

It would have been completely acceptable for you to walk out after he arrived. Totally and utterly acceptable. It's nice to be nice, but in this situation, social politeness was not necessary.

babygoose48 · 26/10/2018 15:59

My DP did a similar thing on our first date. At first I thought he was really nervous because his responses weren’t matching up with mine. Then during our second date we were driving and he wasn’t responding at all To anything I was saying... I just thought he was really ignorant!

Turns out his hearing was impaired and he wore hearing aids usually but he took them out for our dates!! 🤦🏼‍♀️

It all made sense after that but I still have no idea why he hid that from me.

In fact come to think of it... he was also 45 minutes late for our first date as well... and I ended up being approached on the street by this hot French dude who asked for my number and we ended up going for a date whilst I was waiting for now-DP to turn up to our date 😂😂😂

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