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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My Date Last Night. Help me make sense of it.

228 replies

Conway007 · 25/10/2018 15:18

I recently met a guy on OLD. After a few messages, we exchange numbers and spoke on the phone. He then texted to ask if he could take me out on a date. I agreed, he booked a table at a very posh restaurant (his choice) and the date was last night. I arrived before he did and was taken to our table. When I asked where he was, he told me that he was stuck in the traffic but on his way. He was one hour late!

I was expecting an athletic, tall and good-looking man as described in his profile and the pictures that he sent before we met. Instead, a fat, short bald man walked towards me - I tried my best to keep my disappointment to myself. He was scruffy and before sitting down said he was going to the toilet (nothing wrong with that). I could not understand why he would conceal his disability before we met, not that it would have mattered.

As soon as he came back, he started eating the bread which was on the table - he was eating so quickly. When our main course came (went straight for main as I wanted to get out), he ate using his hands and sometimes cutlery, he was dipping bread into all sorts of things. After he had completed his own food, he asked if I had finished, I told him that I had had enough. He asked if he could taste. In the end, he took my plate and polished everything. When the waiters took the bread away he demanded that they bring the bread back.

If that was not embarrassing enough, I returned from the toilet to see him counting carefully folded notes all over the table. The money was folded up in a little plastic bag. I suggested him that we should share the bill. He agreed and asked him to stop counting the money as I would pay the balance on my card.

We paid and I couldn't wait to get out the place quickly. I think he asked if I wanted to go to the cinema.

Why would a person conceal their disabilities? Why would a person lied about what they look like if they actually wanted to meet?

OP posts:
LEMtheoriginal · 25/10/2018 19:18

Oscar pistorious could he described as athletic

RoseOfSharyn · 25/10/2018 19:23

LEM He could also be described as a murderer....
Not sounding good OP!

TattyCat · 25/10/2018 19:25

Actually, I can believe this.

Many, many years ago I got talking to someone online (not a dating site) and after weeks of conversations and a phone call, we arranged to meet. He had sent me a photo of himself, and he was a really good looking chap, was a Doctor (not medical) and had a brilliant sense of humour.

I met him for coffee and was quite shocked when I saw him walking towards me. He was severely disabled and hadn't mentioned it. When I looked again at the photo he'd sent, I'd assumed he was sitting down - he wasn't.

I did like him, but I couldn't get past the failure to mention the disability. Call me shallow, but it was significant enough to make a massive difference, had we ever got as far as a future together. We did talk once or twice more, but again, it wasn't mentioned and it just fizzled out.

TattyCat · 25/10/2018 19:29

Sorry, got that wrong - I've just looked him up and I'd forgotten, it's been so long. He's a professor. Of psychology!!

Rockandrolling · 25/10/2018 19:38

OP, what happened after the 'date'?
Did he offer to take you home?

Conway007 · 25/10/2018 19:42

@Rock, no he did not even offered to take to me the nearest station. I took a taxi in front of the restaurant and observed him walking with great difficulties back to wherever he had parked his car.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 25/10/2018 19:46

I had a date where the guy didn't mention any disability until the day of the date. I was just leaving home to go and he sent a message that said "I might seem like I'm drunk but I'm not, I have a condition" He was a lovely, lovely guy and we had a really nice time. He had a degenerative neurological condition and had a hugely reduced life expectancy. There was a 25% chance that any children he had would have it too. Becoming his partner would probably have meant becoming his carer within 10 years then being widowed. I always wanted marriage and kids and however much I enjoyed the date, choosing him to be with would have been a huge change to my life plan. So I didn't see him again, he was upset and I felt / feel like the biggest bitch on the planet.

universe00 · 25/10/2018 19:49

This is why you shouldn't meet anyone you don't know or know through a friend. It really could of been anyone that you met up with 😳 at least he wasn't dangerous and I'm glad you didn't let him drop you anywhere

ravenmum · 25/10/2018 20:01

Kind of hard to do OLD if you only date people you know 😂

Of course he wasn't dangerous, he was just some bloke trying his luck, same as many who cut a few years of their age.

Robin2323 · 25/10/2018 20:02

This has made me laugh so much.
Can't tell my dh why - it shouldn't be 😂
Years ago , before OLD I met a man through some kind of dating agency.
After half an hour I did say I was going to the loo - and LEFT 😳

Dontfeellikeaskeleton · 25/10/2018 20:03

If don draper would have showed up, would you have acted differently?

Kittykat93 · 25/10/2018 20:05

Oh Christ op, that date sounds pretty bad. I would have never waited an hour though (bet you wish you hadn't now!!)

I'm still very confused about the lack of leg assumption though Grin

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 25/10/2018 20:12

Thanks for this OP - I needed a laugh tonight Grin

codenameduchess · 25/10/2018 20:20

DO NOT WAIT FOR A DATE WHO IS AN HOUR LATE

I was an hour late for my first date with DH....luckily he waited and got what he'd been expecting 😂 how did you conceal the disappointment?

OP, I really want to know what did you talk about on the date? What was the food he dipped bread in to?
Other than walking badly and parking was there any other clue to the legs? I've met people with prosthetics and it's usually pretty obvious...

RyderWhiteSwan · 25/10/2018 20:25

I think that jumping to the conclusion that someone has false legs on account of the fact he parked in Mayfair (do you actually know that’s where he parked or did he just say that?) is a bit of an odd conclusion to jump to.
^
Cackle! Halloween Grin

Angelf1sh · 25/10/2018 20:27

Why do people hide their disability? Mostly because of people like you op.

Of course, none of this ever happened so it’s no big deal.

puzzledlady · 25/10/2018 20:30

Less than £100 for Scott’s?!?! You’re pulling our leg. GrinGrinGrinGrin

Ginger153 · 25/10/2018 20:32

Oh poor you! It drives me nuts when men lie online. I've more than one date with men who've lied about their height, posted photos from years ago and generally just been odd (one demanded my change back when it had clearly ended up in the tips jar - where it was meant to be!) .

They don't realise by lying in a profile anyone they meet won't see them for the perfectly nice people they are, only the disappointment that they're not what they presented.

I've just split from DP and dread having to face all this again! Onwards and upwards. Easier said than done but please don't dwell too much x

Dontfeellikeaskeleton · 25/10/2018 20:32

Imagine, if he had no arms, you could have said 'oh, he's (h)armless'

But he doesn't, so you can't.

CupMug · 25/10/2018 20:36

Courtney555. I can't believe you even considers going on a 'first date' to Thailand without having met the guy in question. - that was reckless and weird.

Dontfeellikeaskeleton · 25/10/2018 20:37

Yeah, Courtney, what's up with that eh?

Grin
MonteCarla · 25/10/2018 20:37

I am yet to find a new £5 or £10 note that is foldable.....

GlasgowWorrier · 25/10/2018 20:41

He didn't have a disability. 'He' was just two very short men, possibly children, one standing on the other's shoulders doing the talking and money-folding, while the bottom half peeped out through holes in his shirt buttons and tried not to bump into things.

sidesplittinglol · 25/10/2018 20:49

That sounds like an awful date op. Did you not ask him about why his profile describes him as being something different? I suspect he wanted to see if people would rather date a guy who is tall and handsome than him. But lying isn't the way to go really is it. He should have been honest. And as for his manners, well, they're 💩

ivykaty44 · 25/10/2018 21:08

Why do people do this? It’s betond me, they know there going to get caught out as soon as they meet someone