He threw chocolate cake at me?

[Willow789]

DH took DS out earlier, then dropped him at my DM's for a sleepover. He then went to meet his DM for coffee. He said he would be back by 5:15.

I've been on my own all day with DD 4 months. We are going through a bit of a hard time recently, but as a couple we have been fine. I've been feeling very sorry for myself all day and was very excited for DH to come home with the chocolate cake he had promised to pick me up from the coffee shop. At half 4 he messaged me about bad traffic so it will be more like half 5 by the time he gets back. Fine, whatever.

Half past 5 he messages me saying that he's getting my cake now and then leaving but there's bad traffic in the area (there is, local football team is playing today and traffic is always a nightmare).

Quarter past 6 he gets back. By this time I have somehow managed to work myself up about the fact he said he would get back over an hour ago but still isn't home. Hormones, lack of sleep, other stuff going on etc etc. When he gets back I'm having a little cry (pathetic I know) and say to him 'I don't think it's fair you promised me you would be back an hour ago but you have only just come home. I've been on my own all day with DD and I just wanted some help.'

Anyway, that escalated into an argument where he says how he needs a break too, how he should be able to go for coffee etc etc. He's annoying me by this point so I just say leave me alone. He throws the chocolate cake at me, calls me a stupid bitch and storms off.

Wtf?!?! He's never done anything like this before. We barely argue. I'm confused and upset.

My god the misogyny on this thread is shocking.

“Yesterday I left my husband with our 4 month old sick baby, and dropped our other child off with my MIL, then went for a coffee with my mum. I said I’d be back by 5.15 but I was actually still with my mum at this time, so text my husband and told him I’d be late, then picked up a cake for us and went home.

My husband has been stressed, depressed and not sleeping recently, he also looks after the kids all week, but I work so need a break. I got home and he was crying because I was late - how pathetic! So I threw the cake in his face and called him a stupid prick and then stormed off....”

OP trust me, if this had been the other way around and you had posted the above, the same dick head posters who are calling you unreasonable, would be calling you a terrible abuser.. ignore them.

Is stupidity contagious?

There can never be an excuse for throwing anything at someone, regardless of stress levels. Let's get that straight.

However, to reach that point, different people have different breaking points. For some 'lashing out' verbally or physically seems to be their default method of pressure relief. That cannot ever be the right solution.

He needs to realise that nobody can live with the threat of abuse. You just can't have a relationship where one or both people have that in their locker... because it leaves people wondering if it will happen again.
He has to address that issue, and address it right now.

People cry, people scream, people storm off in a huff - it's a sign of stress, and it should be acknowledged. Perhaps both of you are very stressed for different reasons, and you need to talk that through. But he just can't do that cake throwing nonsense. Not ever. I hope he's truly remorseful.

Someone one taught me way a nice way to deal with stress... when you argue or you feel you've just had enough. 'Can I have a hug please' has to the sort of safe phrase, the words that mean stop - open your arms and hug each other... then talk it through.

I don't think most men really grasp the significance of having something thrown at you. Doesn't matter what the object is - it only makes you wonder what could happen if the wrong object was in their hands at the time.

But it also needs to be said, that people shouldn't push and push until someone else breaks. Verbal assault takes its toll too. I really like the 'I need a hug' thing.

He did a lot for you you ungrateful person

How low are your standards that you think picking up a cake from the coffee shop he’s meeting his mum at, is doing “so much”?

Good God this thread. OP- I hope you are ok. It is on no planet acceptable to have called you what he did and thrown cake at your FACE fgs. He obviously hadn't even left by the time he was supposed to and hardly needs a medal for buying a bit of fucking cake for the mother of his young child who is suffering PND/exhaustion and has minded a baby exhausted all day, let alone acted how he acted.
Don't let his response undermine your very real issues with the above, I do hope you are getting adequate support, it's not normal behaviours on his behalf at all.

He didn't apologise for throwing the cake nor the name calling.

Bastard. Irrespective of the rights and wrongs of you getting wound up, his behaviour was seriously OTT. And he's not even sorry.

He did a lot for you you ungrateful person

Are you reading another thread?
Taking his son to football for the first time dropping him off at his grannys then sitting on his arse for a few hours before having to walk to the counter and buy a bit of cake.

What a frigging martyr!

Your bar is set so low you need a bloody pick axe to.find it.

@ButchyRestingFace she provoked an argument -your bias missed that bit

No, I didn't. Read my post again. And nothing justifies him throwing cake in her face.

He threw cake in a bag at her face and called her names.
He isnt the one living on 5 hours sleep a week. He is the ine swanning off for long relaxing afternoons with his mum.What the actual fuck has he got to be angry at?

Sorry haven’t read the whole thread. I was ready to say that Yabu when I thought he’d stroppily chucked the cake next to you on the sofa or something but then I see he basically custard pied you with it which makes him a ridiculous and aggressive arsehole. Has he apologised op or, let me guess, is he blaming you?

@tamzinro no I was hoping for a bit more actually, then I was hoping for another person on the Internet to tell me what a horrible wife I have been. How nice of you to do that for me though

tamzinro I can only think that you're someone ( possibly a man? ) that behaves like the OP's husband. He was abusive however much you try to dress it down.

I'm so sorry Willow. Don't know how long you two have been together but it can take a while for someone's true colours to show and it often is around pregnancy/birth. You don't deserve to be treated like this. There is no justifying his behaviour.

Absolutely this.

Maybe, just maybe, if he had immediately apologised and swore to never do it again I might be able to move forward. But no apology and simply justifying himself..I don’t see how that could work.

This time it was a cake. What will it be next time? And there’s always a next time. Sorry OP.

@ButchyRestingFace maybe she should leave him then

There are some seriously fucked up people on this thread.
It's not the OP and it's not the people supporting her.

Oh come on ! He didn't punch her

Wow, what a low bar you have for acceptable behaviour.

@BumsexAtTheBingo no apology as of yet

Oh come on ! He didn't punch her , he got angry and threw cake ! Nobody is allowed to get angry nowadays because it's abuse

You may be happy to have cake thrown in your face and be called a stupid bitch, but don’t expect others to have such a low level of self respect too.

tamzinro

Why is this behaviour normal and acceptable to you?

How often do you through things at people or get things thrown at you?

Wow what a wanker. Read him the riot act and tell him to either step up as a parent, or get out.

I'd have thrown the cake aswell.

that's just akin to a little toddler throwing their toys out of the pram. How childish can you be? Are you twelve?! And how are you excusing this behaviour? I'm actually incredulous.

Agree. I'd have eaten it myself or put it in the bin.