Help needed - emotional affair with married man

[CrimsonCloverHoney]

For the past few months, I've been involved with a married man from work (a man who is considerably older than me). It's never gone any further than kissing and is very much an emotional affair - he's told me that he's in love with me and I'm sort of unsure as to whether I feel the same way or whether it's limerance/infatuation. I know I'm going to get flamed for this and I don't expect any sympathy but I'm in a really shit situation and I feel desperate for advice or just people to talk to who don't know me.

I'm still young, a single mother, but I find myself obsessing over him and waiting (forever waiting) for his next call or text. I see him once or twice a week outside work and I find myself wishing my week away so that I can fast-forward to seeing him. I crave the attention and the feeling I get when I'm with him. But as soon as I'm not with him I feel dreadful and at times, I've felt suicidal and like I can't see the point in carrying on. Before I got involved with him I was generally OK, despite some anxiety issues, but I never felt the way I do now.

We've ended it a few times and I always go running back. I've dated other people at the same time but they never compare, and I find myself hoping that the dates I go on are bad so that I don't have to end this affair. How fucked up?

I don't know what I'm asking for here. I just need to talk and hear opinions from people who aren't inside the mess that is my head. Sorry if this thread offends anyone - it's not my intention.

Oh OP the person I was involved with also said he didn’t get 100% involved with me because he always knew that I would see him for who he really was and would ‘go like they have all gone before’. On the other hand he told he was ‘always bad at relationships/too shy’. Did they read this rubbish in the same book???! Or are they all selfish ego maniacs? I think we both know the answer. He is playing you. Take control.

When did you last speak to/message him, OP?

You’re just an ego boost for him. Fuck him off. Ignore.

Putting aside that it's an affair, etc. The OP says it's only been a few months. After a few months just end it like you would any other new relationship. You don't really per each other anything at that stage in any relationship- just explain it isn't working for you and that you don't want to continue the relationship. You don't have to block, etc. And then follow the normal advice if he hounds you after. You don't owe him anything, he's a guy you've been getting to know for a few weeks and have kissed. The reason I assume it feels like a big deal is because you have this big secret between you.

Owe each other anything**

@Djnoun is that really all you could respond?

We messaged yesterday very briefly. We don't really talk over the weekend. I'm supposed to be meeting up with him on Monday though.

You don't talk over the weekend... most likely because he's busy with his family.

How are you feeling about the meeting? Do you feel able to cancel?

Oh Groot - you don't say? Just fuck off if you don't have anything useful to add.

Djnoun I want to cancel, but I hate that part of me is still excited to see him. I keep telling myself it will be the last time but it never is

What groot is saying could be useful, if you were listening.

Your behaviour here is self destructive. You don’t need to meet or have any contact with him, and continuing contact is a poor choice.

Well you're lying to yourself. You are having a physical affair because you kiss him. It's not just emotional so stop trying to make yourself feel better. It would involve sex too if he allowed it, he just feels too guilty about his wife to sleep with you. That or he doesn't actually find you attractive. How does that make you feel? By the way he may say you're beautiful or whatever that's just words. Actions speak louder.

You're deluded and you're going to keep letting yourself get used by him. Dunno why you bothered posting, you have no intention of stopping. He doesn't love you by the way, never will, you're just an easy and cheap ego boost for him. Face reality for once or dont. Your choice.

I agree with Loopy and will go further and say you do not need to respond or even read texts from him. You have to take the decision to take control of this and say enough is enough. I’m going to be harsh but do you really think you are the first and last? Do you really think you are ‘special’ ?

OP you deserve so much better than this ego maniac. What he is doing is bordering on emotional abuse. He is manipulating you. He is not going to stop. Why would he stop? He is horrible. Get angry.

Look at your child and imagine them being in your position in twenty five years time? What would you say to them? You are worth more. So much more!

I know what you mean. It's that fear of missing out and fear of the mundane.

How will you feel after you see him though? Depressed, elated?

ElectricMonkey

Just ignore Djnoun. She thinks she's special to have a boyfriend that is a married man, but let's face it, we all know she is just a free shag for the guy. Leave her to her fantasy, she likes her life clearly. No point arguing with her.

By the way op, that's all anyone actually thinks of the ow, if they were honest. Continue if you're happy with that.

Go get in the bin? seriously?
This man is quite happy in his relationship he just fancies a little someone on the side to pay him attention and titillate him. Don't give him the satisfaction of being that person. Clearly he respects neither his wife or you.

Maybe it's a delayed response to her referring to me as a hoebag. Stating the obvious and throwing abuse around isn't exactly helpful. I fully get that a thread like this is going to trigger a lot of anger but why keep coming back to the thread to carry it on if what I've posted is such an issue for you?

No not you Electric. Groot posted it yesterday but it looks like it's been reported and removed now. I chose to ignore it at the time but there's only so much shit I can take from people.

Djnoun after I see him I feel elated for a very short period of time and then I feel depressed again. It's never enough.