Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am thinking to tell his wife...

153 replies

Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 15:22

Hi all

i was dating a guy who when we met told me he is single two years. I then found out some stuff on twitter and then when i confronted him he told me he is separated and we had a huge argument but he wanted to make up insisting he is separated and thats a thing of the past. Then i found out the truth that he is fully married.

Needless to say, i was mad and i confronted him calling him names and he then finally admitted they had problems. After that i found out he lied to me about other stuff as well like he had given me false zodiac sign and about health issues to to try and get sympathy from me to make up.

This happened on July and since then we dont talk. I am thinking to tell his wife because what happened to me was very unfair. I had just broken up from a relationship when i met him and he told me he was also looking for relationship. I had no idea he had a leverage to turn to, as I had none and he could easily go back to his wife whilst i had nothing. Thats very unfair in my opinion and has been eating me up this period of time

What is more in twitter I had found out a post from 1 month before we met, that his unborn child that will come on September and when i confronted him he said that this was a joke between his cousin and him because they are close and there is no child on the way.

I feel like it was unfair and it has been eating me up because i feel like i was left without anything whilst he had his safety net all along.

OP posts:
Lionsandtiger · 18/10/2018 18:56

Screen shots of his dating profile is perfect. It will tell his wife everything she needs to know. Do it anonymously if you like, as you don't know how either will react. Hopefully she will kick him out.

Dhapeer · 18/10/2018 18:59

Yep, I'd land him in it. Though I think you should look up the word leverage for the actual definition of it.

1Wanda1 · 18/10/2018 19:01

You want to hurt him because he hurt you. Understandable. However, once you tell the wife, you won't actually know whether or not, or how much, you've hurt him, because it's unlikely she'll suddenly become your friend, and he certainly won't.

So if you tell her, do so in the knowledge that she might decide to keep him anyway, or maybe not - and that is absolutely none of your business. The lesson to learn from this episode is that if what a guy tells you sounds a bit "off", it's usually for a good reason. Trust your instinct next time and don't get involved with someone who is involved elsewhere.

WineGummyBear · 18/10/2018 19:55

Hi OP

If you do decide to tell his wife. (And who knows whether that's right or wrong). Please have some compassion. She's a real person and she's done nothing wrong at all. I get that you are angry, but try to show some kindness to her.

Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 19:58

I still dont understand why people in this thread pretend to not understand what I mean by back up plan. Its a bit ridiculous imo.

I have NO idea what is their relationship like and what he was really looking for.

But anyway what he did was extremely unacceptable.

Of course whatever i do, i will anonymously only.

OP posts:
NeverStopExploring · 18/10/2018 19:58

stop calling her leverage and back up she is his wife. if your only reason for telling her is spite to him please take a moment to think first. she is as much the victim as you. choose your words carefully but also don't expect a thank you.

Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 20:01

To be honest I dont think he dated others whilst he was dating me.

He was texting me all day and night too till late.

So i doubt.

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 18/10/2018 20:03

A false zodiac sign!??

The Bastard!!!!

TheFantasticFixit · 18/10/2018 20:08

Regardless of what has happened to you OP, you are horrible to want to inflict such devastation and pain on another woman. You aren’t doing this to help her out, you are doing it to make yourself feel better. I promise, such vindictive behaviour will come back to you ten fold, whether via this situation, or another. You think he’s going to protect your identity when you do this? I doubt your anonymity would be retained for long. This woman is a casualty of your own behaviour, that you have control of. He won’t be - you are sending the missile to the wrong person and it’s so gross, it’s unbeluevable. You are so cold and calculated. Karma is a funny thing, but you reap what you sow. And you are sowing some nasty seeds here.

Knittedfairies · 18/10/2018 20:10

I’m not pretending to not understand all the back-up plan stuff; I don’t understand it. If anyone is the back-up, it’s you; he was in a relationship with his wife before he found you.

Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 20:15

ye...for which he claimed it doesnt exist.

OP posts:
MeMeMeOverHere · 18/10/2018 20:17

@AfterSchoolWorry the zodiac thing got me too. That's just lower than the low

Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Newerversion · 18/10/2018 20:19

As much as you are fairly sure he wasn't/hasn't been seeing anyone else, remember his wife probably thought the same. He managed to hide you from her and her from you for a long time. Chances are there were others in the mix too.

Notacluewhatthisis · 18/10/2018 20:22

I still dont understand why people in this thread pretend to not understand what I mean by back up plan. Its a bit ridiculous imo.

No it's you that doesn't understand it. We don't understand you because it's bonkers. He wife can not be a back up plan. Nor can she be leverage.

And really 'bitch, please' ? Me thinks your on a wind up.

Notacluewhatthisis · 18/10/2018 20:22

If you are so bothered by her, why not tell her in June?

Azadewow · 18/10/2018 20:48

We understand what u mean about back up plan. You are the one that's delusional thinking his WIFE is a back up plan. You were his bit on the side, that's all. A back up plan, is a plan u fall back on if things don't work out with plan A... It's bonkers to think you were plan A, when he is married... If anything you were plan B, the back up plan or even one of the back up plans, in case he ever decided to leave his wife/he got caught... Some men are like that, unfortunately u are neither the first nor the last woman who has been manipulated like this. What u fail to understand and what people say is, if u Wanna tell his wife, tell her cause she deserves to know, don't tell her cause u are fucking miserable and wanna make them miserable too. Everything u post sounds like ur motivation is to get revenge and somehow bring justice so he "doesn't get away with it"... So what happens if he denies it all and she believes him or she decides to forgive him anyway? What have u gained? No justice no revenge, and u continue being a miserable selfish person... Just get a grip, accept it happened, no it wasn't fair towards you, and move on with your life... It was 3 months ago ffs!!! U should have already started the process of healing and moving on instead of obsessing and stalking...

TheFantasticFixit · 18/10/2018 20:48

Did you actually just ‘bitch please’ me? Dear god.

Btw, you missed the comma. At least of you write this horrendous letter to this poor woman who may be pregnant or in the early post-partum weeks, get your grammar right.

If you can’t handle the obvious risk of dating websites, get off them. And grow up.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 18/10/2018 20:59

OP you're a wet doormat.

Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 21:00

I think most of you are extremely judgemental. I said above that i believe he used me and her as back up plans at least thats how it seemed to me. Definitely i feel like there are many things in the situation i dont know.

Thanks for the people that gave good input to my question, i will have a think as to what i will do.

I wont be posting anymore in this thread.

Blessings

OP posts:
Notacluewhatthisis · 18/10/2018 21:10

Love the 'blessings' after a 'bitch, please' Grin

OP people wouldn't be challenging you at if you actually gave a shit about this woman. It's clear your ego has been hurt and that's what this is about.

The WIFE was not a backup plan.

Azadewow · 18/10/2018 21:42

It's funny how the good input is only input that agreed with her lol

SabineUndine · 18/10/2018 23:03

^this

OP is Not Very Nice.

subspace · 18/10/2018 23:26

FGS

You're about to break devastating and completely life changing news to a woman who is totally innocent as revenge to another person and you don't even have the guts to put your name to it.

Shame on you.

whynot93 · 19/10/2018 01:47

Ah the Russian fantasy that ended up being the revengeful bst shit crazy ow... funny I know because the very same happened to me. 😆

Swipe left for the next trending thread