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Original poster

I am thinking to tell his wife...

153 replies

Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 15:22

Hi all

i was dating a guy who when we met told me he is single two years. I then found out some stuff on twitter and then when i confronted him he told me he is separated and we had a huge argument but he wanted to make up insisting he is separated and thats a thing of the past. Then i found out the truth that he is fully married.

Needless to say, i was mad and i confronted him calling him names and he then finally admitted they had problems. After that i found out he lied to me about other stuff as well like he had given me false zodiac sign and about health issues to to try and get sympathy from me to make up.

This happened on July and since then we dont talk. I am thinking to tell his wife because what happened to me was very unfair. I had just broken up from a relationship when i met him and he told me he was also looking for relationship. I had no idea he had a leverage to turn to, as I had none and he could easily go back to his wife whilst i had nothing. Thats very unfair in my opinion and has been eating me up this period of time

What is more in twitter I had found out a post from 1 month before we met, that his unborn child that will come on September and when i confronted him he said that this was a joke between his cousin and him because they are close and there is no child on the way.

I feel like it was unfair and it has been eating me up because i feel like i was left without anything whilst he had his safety net all along.

OP posts:
Butterfly44 · 18/10/2018 16:50

Why bother posting on here...you're only listening to those who agree with you and not the other 90%. Grow up!

DDogMum · 18/10/2018 16:56

As a married woman, I'd want to know if my husband had cheated.
What I wouldn't want to know is how YOU feel about it, especially after you had suspicions.

Tell her anonymously by all means, but please god please, re-word your message so that NONE of this is about you.

I would add though, if I got an anon message, I would make my husband tell me who she was. Id drive myself nuts having to want to see who she was, what she looked like, what her life was like etc, for my own sanity.

Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 17:00

@DDogMum I have not decided yet what i will do. I just feel strongly that i should do it.

OP posts:
Newerversion · 18/10/2018 17:05

DDogMum- I totally agree with everything you said in your post.

DDogMum · 18/10/2018 17:07

Thanks @Newerversion! It's not often I'm emotionally intelligent trust me!

Notacluewhatthisis · 18/10/2018 17:07

Don't know why you are obsessed that he had a back up, as you put it. She is not a back up. He was never going to leave her, even if it all went great with you two.

She wasn't a back up, you were just the other woman. Neither of you are back ups. He wanted you both but was never going to leave her for you.

I get you are hurt. Totally get it. But this happened months ago. The time to tell her would have been then. Now he can just explain you away as some head case that he turned down or something.

You would be better just understanding that some people treat us badly. The best thing you can do is move on from it. Going through his social media, further confronting him isn't helping you. You are still letting him impact you.

Honestly telling her to spite him, isn't a good idea. Your letter will make it obvious this about what he did to you, not that you are telling her for her own good.

And if you are going to do it, it would sound better if you put your name to it. He will know it's you anyway.

Lost5stone · 18/10/2018 17:09

What DDog said.

It's incredibly unfair to you but I'm amazed you have no sympathy for the wife

Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 17:12

@Notacluewhatthisis honestly i dont know the situation between them at all only from what he revealed after pressure.

The situation is very unfair to both of us. Especially because he claimed that was a thing in the past and wanted him to forgive him that he didnt tell me he was "separated".

I dont expect from everyone to understand but thats ok

OP posts:
Notacluewhatthisis · 18/10/2018 17:17

Anon31483 I can promise you, he wasn't going to leave her. He wasn't picking between you. He was having you both.

You seem more aggrieved by a false perception of a back up. When there wasn't back up. He wasn't going to leave her. If she found out and kicked him out, he might have gone off with you. If anyone was a back up (and I don't think there was one) It's YOU.

dirtybadger · 18/10/2018 17:23

I think you should tell the wife.

but only if you don't do it completely anonomously. He's a liar. He will lie to his wife and she may well believe him. You'll achieve nothing. Either do it not anonomously so that you can back up what you tell her, or present the truth in a way that is impossible for him to get out of. Which realistically won't be a letter.

You'll see posts her of women being given letters saying their DP is cheating. And sometimes they are found to Just be malicious rather than truthful. Sometimes the woman isn't sure and it causes even more confusion and heart break. So don't just send a letter which he brushes off as a rumour and only serves to hurt his wife further rather than him.

youbrokemytwatometer · 18/10/2018 17:59

How did you meet him? Do you even know his wife's name or where they live?

PerverseConverse · 18/10/2018 18:05

Batshit thread of the week Grin

OP, yes he's a bastard and he fooled you and made a fool of you just like cheaters have been doing since the dawn of time.

Where is your dignity here?

I'd tell the wife, with screenshots, then do the old block, delete and move on after a few glasses of wine and a good cry.

Or whatever is the recommended break up routine for your star sign.

Seniorschoolmum · 18/10/2018 18:10

What Azadewow says

mimibunz · 18/10/2018 18:11

Did you do his astrology chart?

Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 18:14

He lied to me about his dob. Probably to not look him up and find something. I met him on a dating site.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 18:15

Actually I think now to just send screenshots of his dating profile to his wife and that's it.

OP posts:
Alfiemoon1 · 18/10/2018 18:17

I doubt he was going to leave his wife. She isn’t a back up plan. You were his bit on the side Probably won’t be his first or his last. Forget him move on and learn from experience

If I was his wife i would want to know but if you tell her don’t make it all about how you feel

DaffydownClock · 18/10/2018 18:20

God, you do sound spiteful and immature OP.
His poor wife has done absolutely nothing to you yet you want to pile your vengeance on her? Doing it anonymously is cowardly too.

llangennith · 18/10/2018 18:21

Keep out of their relationship and keep your nastiness to yourself.

BruegelTheElder · 18/10/2018 18:27

Tbf, I think the wife deserves to know. I would want to if it was my OH! And I think it's fair to let her know anonymously because you don't know how she—or more importantly, the man—will react. Why put yourself at risk?

All this stuff about it being unfair to you is a bit weird, OP. Clearly English isn't your first language so hopefully this is a little bit of cultural differences added to a bit of lost in translation, but all this stuff about backups and leverage doesn't make much sense in English. You're right to be upset that he lied to you. He's obviously a bastard. His wife is also going to be very upset. Remember that. Telling her should be about her having the right to know, not some form of revenge against him.

Notacluewhatthisis · 18/10/2018 18:29

because you don't know how she—or more importantly, the man—will react. Why put yourself at risk?

You think he won't know it is?

BruegelTheElder · 18/10/2018 18:33

You think he won't know it is?

Well, who knows how many other women he has on the go!

But still, if you're doing it because the woman has a right to know (which in my opinion, she does), then I don't see anything wrong with doing so anonymously.

It's not unheard of for women to blame the OW in situations like this either. Just avoid the drama.

adviceonthepox · 18/10/2018 18:46

Just tell her send the profile screen shots. If it was me I would want to know

Notacluewhatthisis · 18/10/2018 18:46

Well, who knows how many other women he has on the go!

Perhaps, but any evidence is going to prove it's her. And I bet not many of his women are still scrolling through his Twitter.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 18/10/2018 18:54

You'be already decided OP, what's the point of this thread?

Anonymity won't allow you to revel in his pregnant wife's distress unfortunately for you, how will your desire for justice be satisfied from such a distance do you think?

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