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Original poster

I am thinking to tell his wife...

153 replies

Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 15:22

Hi all

i was dating a guy who when we met told me he is single two years. I then found out some stuff on twitter and then when i confronted him he told me he is separated and we had a huge argument but he wanted to make up insisting he is separated and thats a thing of the past. Then i found out the truth that he is fully married.

Needless to say, i was mad and i confronted him calling him names and he then finally admitted they had problems. After that i found out he lied to me about other stuff as well like he had given me false zodiac sign and about health issues to to try and get sympathy from me to make up.

This happened on July and since then we dont talk. I am thinking to tell his wife because what happened to me was very unfair. I had just broken up from a relationship when i met him and he told me he was also looking for relationship. I had no idea he had a leverage to turn to, as I had none and he could easily go back to his wife whilst i had nothing. Thats very unfair in my opinion and has been eating me up this period of time

What is more in twitter I had found out a post from 1 month before we met, that his unborn child that will come on September and when i confronted him he said that this was a joke between his cousin and him because they are close and there is no child on the way.

I feel like it was unfair and it has been eating me up because i feel like i was left without anything whilst he had his safety net all along.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 16:11

Why does it sound crazy ? he had his safety net all along thats extremely unfair. I am thinking to send something like a form of a letter actually

OP posts:
Nesssie · 18/10/2018 16:12

I can’t get over the fact that you are incensed he lied to you about his star sign... Grin

Yeah you sound crazy. I doubt this happened the way you say it did..

Emmageddon · 18/10/2018 16:12

I can appreciate how hurt you are feeling, but do you seriously want his wife to be as upset as you are? Do you think this charming man will return to you and rekindle your relationship if you destroy his marriage?

Be the bigger person and walk away with your dignity intact.

Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 16:13

@TinyMarie well thats one big fat lie.

Glad they didnt have kids. I also found out from Twitter. The weird thing is that he had already this posts up and he had asked me to follow him there.

OP posts:
Newerversion · 18/10/2018 16:14

Stop focusing on this crazy safety net thing, it is bonkers. You entered a relationship with him, he was a liar. His marriage wasn’t a safety net it was his marriage which, he is wrecking.

Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 16:15

@Emmageddon I do not care for him to come to me. I just feel the whole thing is extremely wrong and I can only speak about how I felt from all these lies, as he also claimed he got health issues from our arguments to gain my sympathy .

OP posts:
Azadewow · 18/10/2018 16:17

Gonna repeat again, maybe it will sink in... It ended 3 months ago, get a grip and move on

KingLooieCatz · 18/10/2018 16:18

His wife is not a safety net, she's an actual person and she has a whole lot more to lose than you do, and a whole lot more to feel aggrieved about.

Lionsandtiger · 18/10/2018 16:22

Yes definitely tell his wife. She deserves to know. Tell her and then move on, what he did to you is very unfair and he is also a prick to his wife and any other women he's seeing.

Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 16:24

@Lionsandtiger Thanks for understanding. This has been eating me up actually as something is telling me he should not be getting away with this. I will have to think as to how I could do it.

OP posts:
Haffiana · 18/10/2018 16:26

So, you have been duped and made a twat of. To make yourself feel better you want to really hurt someone else who is completely innocent.

That would make you a complete cunt.

Trinity66 · 18/10/2018 16:27

He told you he was an Aries but really he was a Bastard

Grin
Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 16:31

@Haffiana thats just your opinion. I m completely innocent in this too and the direct recipient of this deceptive behaviour.

OP posts:
Lionsandtiger · 18/10/2018 16:32

OP just send her some screen shots of his messages. Or print them and post them. She deserves to know.

Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 16:37

@Lionsandtiger Thanks I will see what i will do

OP posts:
Newerversion · 18/10/2018 16:40

What would be the main aim of sending a letter. Would it be to warn the wife that her husband is a cheat or to make you feel you had got your revenge and he had been punished too?
Will you feel any less duped? Any less like he was knowingly deceiving you for the whole time? Any less angry and hurt?

PinguDance · 18/10/2018 16:43

Normally on a thread where someone finds out the guy they’ve been seeing actually has a wife/girlfriend there’s a lot of people who say they should tell the wife/gf. O don’t know why OPs motives actyymake any difference - either the wife should know or not. All this ‘don’t hurt her just cos you’ve been hurt’ sort of ignores the fact she’ll roiba find out anyway and by then it’ll be even worse cos she’ll have been lied to for ages

PinguDance · 18/10/2018 16:43

Oh god typos sorry

Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 16:43

@Newerversion I believe both purposes will be served here. But yes i think he should not be getting away with this.

Its very unfair to everyone

OP posts:
sadnessin · 18/10/2018 16:44

The wife is NOT his back up or safety net. If anything YOU were the back up. His wife is his number one, you are way down the pecking order first of all.

Op he is a complete bastard and I understand you're feeling all kinds of hurt.

Having been in the wife's position imo the best way to tell her is

Hello. Sorry to have to tell you this but XX has been having an affair for Xx amount of time. I was unaware he was married as he lied about this. I understand if you are wary about believing a complete stranger but I have screenshots of messages I will send you if you wish to have evidence. I won't contact you again otherwise.

Don't hide and be anonymous. Own it.

Adora10 · 18/10/2018 16:46

I honestly don't get the don't tell wife, don't hurt her, all because folk have taken a dislike to the OPs writing of fall back/leverage; every other time 90% say tell the wife, she deserves to know, talk about suiting yourself depending on the writing style.

Belina · 18/10/2018 16:47

tell

Newerversion · 18/10/2018 16:47

Just don’t expect to feel better after doing it, I don’t think it will magically cure your hurt. Hopefully it will warn his wife though and she deserves the chance to decide if she wants to be with such a man.

Butterfly44 · 18/10/2018 16:47

What you are describing is revenge. You want revenge and you don't care who it hurts.
Pick up the prices and move on. Block him completely. Focus on yourself. Why bother? It's done and over with. Lesson learnt.
And yes you sound completely self centred.

Original poster
Anon31483 · 18/10/2018 16:48

@sadnessin he embarked on something with me, so if anything went wrong with me he had a back up already. So we both were back ups for sure if you think about it.

I only say anonymously because I do not know the situation and what is behind it and i dont want to expose myself that much.

OP posts:
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