Am I over reacting ? How should I react?

[ShannDX]

I have been with my partner just over a year now. I have a daughter from a previous relationship but there have never been any problems concerning him and her.

My partner hasn't received benifits or worked for over a year now and he doesn't have a great family so I have to pay for him to live. There has been previous DV issues with him but he is controling his anger now and is about to do a purpotraitor course. He finally sorted his benifits out a few weeks ago but put it in his mates account and his mate took it off him, so guess who had to fund his life again ? Me. I can cope with all this as long as he is sorting his life out. He has to do community service now for something stupid he did when we were on a break, I left him £6 downstairs for his bus money. I knew I had £2 in the house for my bus fare in the morning to get my daughter to nursery while I do a DV course in a different town. It's not as simple for me to just be able to walk places because I am disabled and struggle getting about. Just as im about to run out the door for the bus my change isn't there. So I asked him and he said he took it to get a drink and a sausage roll on his lunch. Now im fuming, I pay for everything I do everything for him I organise his stuff, but he is taking more than im giving. It ended up me having to get a taxi to the next town with my daughter for £23 because I was late getting to the bus after having to get cash out. I wouldn't mind but there is packed lunch stuff he could have had. It's not about the money, more so stealing change after im alredy paying for every part of his life. I had to have a chat with him yesterday about showering more because he stopped, and sorting out a place to live with he knows he has to do anyway I told him months ago he can't stay hear as I don't want him at mine untill I know he's never going to lash out again. I feel like in over reacting because it's £2 but it's not about the money it's about the lack of respect especially since I have to do everything for him. Someone help me please because I don't know what to do or say when he is home ?

TIA Doormat mummy

Well done for getting rid of that cock lodger. Keep going

Wow, you've been amazing. How are you feeling this morning @ShannDX?

Don't forget to call police and ask them to put a marker on your house, even if you haven't heard from him today.

You have the rest of your life in front of you now and it's looking much brighter.

OP, this thread was never about £2, it was always about a cocklodger sponging off and abusing a defenceless woman, who'd been so ground down by his abuse she couldn't see the wood for the trees.

So WELL DONE! Well done indeed.

Now, read the opening post of the thread that is stickied at the top of this board called "Right, listen up everybody". That opening post tells you what is a normal, mutually respectful and happy relationship. Once you know what one looks like you know what to aim for.

Everytime you feel tempted to let him back in (and you know you will be tempted, everyone is at first) read your own thread, remember what it was like with him, and then read that opening post again.

You will never meet the right man if you stick with the wrong one.

Thank you every one.

I think I would be feeling proud this morning but unfortunately I lost my nana last night. So in going to stay with family for a bit.

As for relationships, I don't think I do understand what too look for so im going to go get some help with that for the future,

I have had two partners the first one was for 3 years and that was extremely physically,emotionally and sexualy abusive, then this one and I think I put up with more than I should because it wasn't as bad as the first relationship. I have had dates that were lovely but I feel I don't deserve it and do a runner after.
My father was quite an emotionally abusive man so I think that's why I think some things are Normal.

I don't think it's wise for me to try and date for a long while untill I can fully understand what a healthy relationship is like.

So sorry to hear about your Nana. Yes, I think staying with family for a while is a good idea. Be kind to yourself and take plenty of time.

I'm so sorry to hear about your Nana.
Your last sentence is great to read.
Now grieve in peace without this abuser around.
Get comfort and support from your family.
Then you can tackle everything else after that.

@ShannDX I'm so so sorry about your Nanna. Go and be with your family and start to heal from it all. 

So sorry about your nana

I think it's very sensible to hold off relationships for the moment. Get your head together first, and aim for living independently at the point where you don't need anyone - ironically, that's often the point at which someone pops up!

Never put up with a grade 7 bastard just because he's better that the grade 8 bastard you had before.

I’m sorry about your nan :(

But in a way going to stay with family is a good thing. Break your routine up, keep busy. Think about other times when he’s wheedled his way back in - what sort of situation gets you letting your guard down, can you avoid that? Can you block his number/messenger then delete your call logs, messages etc from him so you are not tempted to hit him up? We have all done silly things and gone back to unworthy men, especially when we’re at a low ebb. You need to recognise that the adrenaline will wear off and you will forget the bad times and remember the good and start to weaken, so you absolutely must prepare yourself for this while you’re still in anger mode.

Well done for taking the first step. It sounds like you know what you need to do. Doing it will be the hard part but you’re not alone.

Op you are an incredible woman. Well done for kicking that arse out. I am so so sorry about your nan. It must feel like all your world has been turned upside down but I promise it would feel much worse with that idiot in it. You will be feeling more vulnerable now with your loss, so please don't speak to him at this time as he may try and reel you in at your most delicate with all kinds of lies and promises.

I know you will not want to do this now and I totally understand... but when you are up to it, there.a few things you can do.

One look up online lundy bancroft why does he too that free pdf and you can download it online. You may see both of your exes there and it might help explain a lot.

Two: please enroll on the freedom programme. I see that there is a learned behaviour from your abusive father and I bet that has set up the narrative for what you may believe is normal in relationships.

Three: some counselling may help so you have a safe place to discuss this. Your doctor can refer you for free counselling. I would ask for acceptance and commitment therapy type of CBT. It changed my life honestly. Or perhaps women's aid will point you in the direction of a dv counsellor which maybe more beneficial.

Good luck op. You can do this.