A awkward Question to single mums

[Issy777]

How would you trust meeting another man when you have kids?
This will sound a horrible, uncomfortable question but I recently was witnessed to something my best friend went through a few years back
She was a single mum to her 9 year old daughter, met a guy in a restaurant we went to (a waiter) he was way too fast with her
To leave out the gruesome details, she caught him stroking daughters leg. Was horrific
She's now scared of meeting someone again. I'm in a bad relationship n think I only stay because i have two daughters n I just wouldn't.. couldn't trust another man, not just cos of what happened with bf but because it's something Iv always feared
What if u meet a guy he acts like Prince Charming, u become close so you're ready to introduce him to your child ? How can you trust his intentions? What he'd be capable off?
Just something I want to know as I know it's holding me back I know there's obvious going to be no way of knowing but for instance when and how long would u introduce your dc to new guy?

Yes. It is.

I hope you get help. You need it.

Offensive. Nasty. Rude. And you must be seriously mentally unwell to be putting forward such offensive nonsense.

I don’t know why it’s allowed to stand.

The only harm possible to not allowing your son to babysit his younger sister is his feelings.

That’s it. No other harm possible.

My father was a peadophile (deceased). He abused my sister (his DSD). Apparently he too was abused by his own father as a child.

I have had a few encounters with peodophiles myself.

I imagine this is largely the reason that I don't trust any man. I am even cautious of my DP, the father of my daughters. Even though he has done nothing to cause me doubt, I can't help it.

My son couldn’t do his job in your world.

Feelz is nonsense.

I’ve not been nasty or rude. I can see how some people find my way of doing things offensive but I’ve not attacked anyone personally, that’s all come from the other side. Because the sheer mention that maybe we should protect children from their biggest threats is utterly impossible for some to accept.

You know what’s shocking?

Hold the front page.

Not only do I trust my son to look after his sisters.

Other parents also trust him to look after their kids.

I had dd when I met my partner. We moved in together after 2 years and we are about to marry.
He is a wonderful stepfather.
Of course I am aware of the risks but as with everything in life you risk assess and make a judgment.

I didn't intend on dating or meeting a partner it just happened.

It's ridiculous that people are saying never expose children to step dads etc.. you cannot protect them all the time and keep them away from every man. The best thing to do is to equip them with the skills, knowledge and confidence to protect themselves. Whether that be from step dad or anyone they meet or simply crossing the road.

Unfortunately abuse occurs in all sorts of scenarios but we cannot wrap our children in cotton wool and stop living our lives.

I have taught my daughter to speak out and I remind her of this regularly.

That is the most important thing to teach our children. We need to teach them to risk assess and protect themselves. We can't be around all the time.

I am a children's social worker, worked in front line child protection, long term looked after children, child sexual exploitation and children and adolescent mental health. I'm well aware of the horrors out there but I still managed to find and live with a partner as a single mum of a young girl.

The worst case scenario in my family is that my boys, when teenagers aren’t asked to babysit (traumatic for them I’m sure)
But it isn't ia it.
Mum do you want me to watch Jess whilst you go see Gran?
No son I'll ask Amy.
Don't be silly, she's younger than me and it'll take her half hour to get here. Just go, I don't mind
No son, I can't risk you abusing her whilst I'm out.
What?? I would never do that
Well I'd like to think so too soon but I can't trust you

Oooo

Same. He’s given me no reason to mistrust him but I always, always slightly will.

I’ll always stand at the bottom of the stairs just silently just so I can catch their conversations or come in quietly and unannounced so I can hear if anything is happening.

It isn’t so much I don’t trust him... it’s that I don’t trust my trust of him because I’ve read to many stories of women who completely trusted and how utterly damaging it was. It’s all about the kids at the end of the day

No gran, no Amy in my life (not seeing your point at all)

And why wouldn’t you just say ‘it’s cool she’s coming with me’

Honestly you’re just jumping to wild conclusions it’s weird, if you want to have an argument with yourself can you not do it over PM

Oh god I can think of nothing worse than constantly being spied on as a parent.

And nothing worse than earywigging DS convos with his sisters.

The only harm possible to not allowing your son to babysit his younger sister is his feelings
And their whole emotional health. Presumably you'll be a good mum and discourage such careers as paedeatirc medicine or nursing, nursery or primary school teaching, child minder or from him ever being a SAHM and make it clear why

have spent all morning attacking me

No, I am not attacking YOU but I am attacking your THINKING.

In your own words, it's nothing personal.

All men are potential monsters

All human beings are potential monsters. It's more likely, yes, that a man will turn out to be a monster.

Jesus Christ you are actually suggesting my son is a paedophile and all the kids he sees in a professional capacity are at risk with your nudge and wink and oh I do hope so.

You are vile.

There’s no point ‘attacking my thinking’ you won’t change it

Men are FAR more likely to be monsters by a HUGE amount.

TammySwansonTwo
"Italian i read that article thinking wow, that guy sounds like a massive MRA - turns out I’m not wrong! freethoughtblogs.com/pharyngula/2012/09/10/satoshi-kanazawa-is-back/ "

Whoa, thanks for the link. I had no idea. I am still not convinced that the findings of the Swedish study don't say what he thinks they say though, they may do, or may not. But it was a very small study which contradicts the Cinderella effect.

Absolutely hilarious to bandy about wild accusations about half of the population. Totally 😀. Not

You have. Your faux concern and I hope it’s ok. And all.

Your judgements about half the population are way off due to your experiences. That is understandable but the way to deal with that is nit to demonise all men.

moonfacebaby "Sorry, but I find this incredibly depressing - you shouldn’t have a relationship until your children are grown up?" I odn't think anyone has said that, people have said protect your children.

"Abuse can happen anywhere - are you going to stop your children from visiting family? Going to sports activities? School? Out of the house?

My cousin was abused by her uncle who was a school caretaker. An ex boyfriend was abused by his male babysitter. An old university friend was abused by her biological dad."

Your comments are making what Camel is saying sound much more plausible.

I'm not of the view that I would stop my children from having any contact with males but I can really see where Camel is coming from!

Me ‘demonising men’ has precisely no risk factor.

Honestly, guys, find something else to take offence at. I’m just one person who doesn’t let blokes around my kids... this is NOT a drama for any of you

I think CantankerousCamel is just being very cautious of he dc, nothing wrong with that. It gives her peace of mind and she knows her dc are SAFE.

Some women are the opposite and that's when their dc potentionally come in harms way I'm afraid.