A awkward Question to single mums

[Issy777]

How would you trust meeting another man when you have kids?
This will sound a horrible, uncomfortable question but I recently was witnessed to something my best friend went through a few years back
She was a single mum to her 9 year old daughter, met a guy in a restaurant we went to (a waiter) he was way too fast with her
To leave out the gruesome details, she caught him stroking daughters leg. Was horrific
She's now scared of meeting someone again. I'm in a bad relationship n think I only stay because i have two daughters n I just wouldn't.. couldn't trust another man, not just cos of what happened with bf but because it's something Iv always feared
What if u meet a guy he acts like Prince Charming, u become close so you're ready to introduce him to your child ? How can you trust his intentions? What he'd be capable off?
Just something I want to know as I know it's holding me back I know there's obvious going to be no way of knowing but for instance when and how long would u introduce your dc to new guy?

shatner

Yes that would possibly work if we were talking about a 1/3 divide. We are not. we are saying that men make up 98% of sexual crimes against children. For every 100 child abused, TWO are abused by women and the great majority of those are their own mothers.

This is not a refutable statistic. Funnily enough we learn how to process evidence in a social degree.

Read some serious case reviews. Stop basing your children’s safety on how you think you should react to men.

I’m quite content with how my kids are parented. I don’t feel the need to catostraphise over every man on the planet thanks.

You really do sound quite over dramatic about this.

My kids are at no risk from their brothers. None. Nor their grandfather. Nor their uncles.

98% of sexual crimes against children are committed by men but you're behaving as if 98% of men commit sexual crimes against children which is palpable nonsense.

I don't dispute your statistics. I don't give a shit that you have a social degree. Many of us do.

and I met a few men. It's hard not to. I tried to stay active, busy so I wasn't at home depressed
You can meet men without dating them. You can date men without your DC meeting them. You sound desperate to be in a relationship - either the untrustworthy guys or abusive DH so you might as well stay with abusive DH. You know you need to leave abusive DH but you need to work out how you can move in to another guy first.

Here's some advice.

Leave your abusive DH.

DON'T DATE, FOR A YEAR. DO OSMETHIBG LIKE THE FREEDOM PROGRAMME, AND REMAIN CELIBATE.

Then date but keep him seoeratetfrom the kids until you know it's long term / you know him well enough to trust round the kids etc.

You do not need to work out your next relationship before you can leave this one.

Italian i read that article thinking wow, that guy sounds like a massive MRA - turns out I’m not wrong! freethoughtblogs.com/pharyngula/2012/09/10/satoshi-kanazawa-is-back/

Never have I said 98% of men sexually abuse children.

However if 98% of seriously harmful burns are caused by a certain type of fire or cooker, I’m sure as shit not having it in my house:

My kids have a great relationship with their dad but I will never 100% trust him and he understands that and knows why. It’s not personal. It’s based on cold, hard, terrifying facts

How sad for your kids.

CantakerousCamel what sex are your kids?

Camel, do you ever allow your children into a car?

My kids are fine. The sex of my kids is irrelevant. My opinion on this is based on my experiences in social work, not my ‘feelz’

I will always give the same advice regarding men and children. Just like I’ll give the same advice regarding being drunk or high around men.

Never said you did. I said you behave and speak as if 98% of men were guilty of sexual crimes against children. Because we also know, statistically, that most men who abuse children are repeat offenders, not one-off abusers.

he understands that and knows why
He understands he's just a ticking time bomb who could abuse his kids if you leave them alone together for a second??

So do your children NEVER spend ANY time alone with their father, Camel

I don’t drink and I’ve never ever done drugs. I have been drunk twice in my life, both at hen dos with women only.

What great fuckery is this now?

An insulting question to single mums and men.

The difficulty I have is that I know it’s only a small percentage of men who abuse children, but I also know that it’s impossible to tell which ones will. Successful child abusers are extreme good at concealing what they do and who they are, their own spouses usually have no idea whatsoever.

So even though I’ve been with my DH for 12 years, I trust him and don’t believe he would ever hurt our children, part of me also knows that that’s exactly what a woman married to a child abuser would think. It’s so hard.

My mum knew full well my father was abusive to her - they divorced when I was six months old because of his abuse towards her, but it didn’t occur to her that he would abuse us.

The sex of my kids is irrelevant
I was curious if you had boys at what age they aren't allowed alone with female siblings, cousins etc or if you practice this division from birth because no male is too young? Would you tell a DIL that your son can't be trusted? Will you raise him to know he's only one unsupervised visit from abusing his sister, cousin, niece etx

I haven’t ‘behaved or spoken’ like that at all. I’ve ‘behaved and spoken’ exactly as I’ve behaved and spoken. Which is that the biggest threat to children are males in their lives (oh and house fires but that’s a different thread) so the best advice is to mitigate that.

How this is so contentious I don’t know. This is really basic common sense given the overwhelmingly high prevalence of men attacking children

I wouldn’t leave post pubescent males with pre or post pubescent females. If that answers your point.

I don’t leave MEN with CHILDREN.

It must be horrendous to live that way. I can’t imagine the mental stress it would cause.

I have a twelve year old and a fifteen year old.

Are you seriously saying you wouldn't leave them together in case the fifteen year old sexually assaults the twelve year old?

Because that's the logical conclusion of your opinions.

I can’t go to work this week because Dd is staying with her brother.

Camel honestly if your thinking as that rigid on this subject, I think you need to see a professional. And I'm not being a troll, I've suffered severe anxiety myself and know how all consuming it can be, but I also know that it's NOT REAL and that it can be treated. You can feel better.

Because Cantankerous you think your (hypothetical) male son is literally waiting to sexual abuse his sibling the second your back is turned and your children's Dad can't ever be alone with them because you know he will likely do it too. How is that logic not screwed up?
Yes 98% of abusers are men but not 98% of men. And yes people miss clues but a lot deliberately ignore clues and don't believe kids / don't think it's their place to report etc.

Perhaps we should keep men in a colony doing manual labour, milk them of their seed then kill them at 50. Male children to be removed from their mother at 1