A awkward Question to single mums

[Issy777]

How would you trust meeting another man when you have kids?
This will sound a horrible, uncomfortable question but I recently was witnessed to something my best friend went through a few years back
She was a single mum to her 9 year old daughter, met a guy in a restaurant we went to (a waiter) he was way too fast with her
To leave out the gruesome details, she caught him stroking daughters leg. Was horrific
She's now scared of meeting someone again. I'm in a bad relationship n think I only stay because i have two daughters n I just wouldn't.. couldn't trust another man, not just cos of what happened with bf but because it's something Iv always feared
What if u meet a guy he acts like Prince Charming, u become close so you're ready to introduce him to your child ? How can you trust his intentions? What he'd be capable off?
Just something I want to know as I know it's holding me back I know there's obvious going to be no way of knowing but for instance when and how long would u introduce your dc to new guy?

They aren’t ‘my’ figures, no. They are national statistics.

I KNOW I’m not abusing my own children.

I assume you all know you’re not abusing your own children so the removal of men that might abuse them removes all risk.

How does your husband know you are not abusing them?
Should he have the same mistrust as you do?

I also know my son isn’t abusing his sisters. And their father isn’t abusing them

When are you going to remove your DH from contact with your children?

How do we know you’re not lying? After all, abusers lie.

How do you know any of us isn’t lying? How do you know? You don’t.

Abusers lie. Anyone could be an abuser, no matter their sex. Better to have sensible strategies in place then teach your children that all men are bad and women are safe. Because statistically that is not true.

The OP isn’t a woman asking if you’re abusing your own kids, she is asking how to remove/‘minimise risk to kids.

Why are you so deeply invested in my life? This isn’t a personal thing. It has no need to be.

Reading this makes me glad i never had a serious relationship since leaving xh

I believe cantankerouscamel that the statistics are probably horrifying and depressing.

No, what is statistically true is that all abuse happens from men (sans a tiny proportion)

It’s not about looking at it from any other angle than the child’s.

Children are harmed from being removed from their mothers, primary attachment is hugely important. It has to be pretty bad to make a working environment that removes the benefits of a primary attachment

You cannot honestly believe that every man who has tried to do a similar thing has been caught and charged
No camel, and it’s naive to think that doesn’t apply to women too.

As for explaining the lack of physical injuries, I’m not going into details (there’s too many fuck ups (women and men) who will get a kick out of it) but there’s a fucking obvious reason why the physical injuries aren’t there.

No one is arguing men aren’t a risk, the only argument is that “people” are a risk.

ans what about that “tiny proportion”?

And i dont believe that there are a lot of unreported paedophile mothers. I think mothers can cause damage by being neglectful / abusive / controlling. And that is under reported id suspect.

Siun they are. I worked in probation for a while. I never saw one female abuser of children. I saw hundreds of men. My manager in her 40 years of service with probation had never seen one female abuser of children, had seen thousands of men. Men who would talk about how hard they had to try not to abuse children.
Men who didn’t give a shit

Men who started relationship with women who had kids and who we had to demand they brought in to explain what sort of depravity they enjoyed

It is HORRIFICALLY common

My daughters potential abductor wouldn’t be recorded as an abuser of girls and yet that is what she is.

Just because you haven’t seen it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

Im glad reading this that when my regular babysitter outgrew babysitting and offered up her brother i passed and found a girl.

I am going to listen to statistics because if it were any other subject that would be the l9gical response

Same can be said for the hundreds of men that ‘get Away with it’ ff

It’s absurd to suggest that men are always reported and women never are. In actual fact it’s probable that MORE men get away with it.

Just because you haven’t seen it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

^ this
Absolutely this

#metoo. As long as it was a man. Otherwise it can’t possibly have happened.

I believe you. It is not personal for me so i might as well just take my cue from statistics.

I never claimed anything about men. Or that children would be safe if you just kept men away and that women were safer. You did.

Siun

Quite. But I’m the irrational one apparently!!

Frankly I don’t know anyone who works in social policy that leave their children with men.

Yes but it's still extremely unusual.

Not to mention all the unreported male abusers, abductors etc alive and dead. they're still in the vast majority though.

There will be under reporting but the figures for male violence, sexual abuse etc are vastly disproportional. As camel says I don't know why this is even being debated.

I haven’t expressed any disbelief of people’s circumstances either. Nobody is saying anyone else is lying here.

To reiterate re the 'just cause you haven't seen it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist' - noone is saying female abuse doesn't exist!!!! Just that it is proportionally minute compared to mald sexual abuse!

Male

A woman is much much lower risk on average.

merv I’m wondering how many more times you’ll misspell male today