A awkward Question to single mums

[Issy777]

How would you trust meeting another man when you have kids?
This will sound a horrible, uncomfortable question but I recently was witnessed to something my best friend went through a few years back
She was a single mum to her 9 year old daughter, met a guy in a restaurant we went to (a waiter) he was way too fast with her
To leave out the gruesome details, she caught him stroking daughters leg. Was horrific
She's now scared of meeting someone again. I'm in a bad relationship n think I only stay because i have two daughters n I just wouldn't.. couldn't trust another man, not just cos of what happened with bf but because it's something Iv always feared
What if u meet a guy he acts like Prince Charming, u become close so you're ready to introduce him to your child ? How can you trust his intentions? What he'd be capable off?
Just something I want to know as I know it's holding me back I know there's obvious going to be no way of knowing but for instance when and how long would u introduce your dc to new guy?

With my partner, I met him in with my daughter for the first time after a few months of dating. We went for food with her so I could see how they interacted with each other. And to see if my daughter would get on with him she was 2.5 then. I told him from the start he will never be looking after my daughter on his own until me and him have been together long enough for myself to trust him with her. She is now 5 and loves him like she loves her really dad. She calls him Chris but tells people he is her step dad. He treats her like he would his own daughter. You will have red flags and always trust your instinct but don't think all men like that. They're not. You can also check to see if they are on the sex offenders list

Oh she was taken to court. She got bailed, told not to come near us, then lifted for coming to the door, so put back inside and then was let out due to time served. She had mental health issues you see. And a terrible life. And it wasn’t her fault really. It was all the fault of the awful life she had had.

Oooo

He completely understands. He obviously, gently, tells me that he is not abusive but he knows I’ll never trust him.

Children are statistically safer with their mothers.

So actually by ‘my’ logic, unless there is extreme reason to the contrary, that is where they belong.

rixera
Thank you. My feeling is it’s under reported. Women don’t do that, women can’t do that (they don’t have the bits). It’s not as bad. The lack of physical need to talk to external people (I’m not going into detail) also reduces reporting.
I never reported, I didn’t have the words.

Also i was dating my now partner (Chris) for 2 months before we made it official and then he met my daughter. When we went for food.

So please explain the lack of physical, traumatic, sexual injuries committed by women?

I am amazed people are arguing this!!

She didn’t know us. She lived in the area but she didn’t know us. She was a stranger to us.

Cantankerous did you not read what I posted? That’s the harm. That’s what was done to my girls. She didn’t get them, so she didn’t get the chance to abuse them but her intention as far as the police could ascertain was so to do.

But because she didn’t it was an attempted abduction that was all. The stats for it being sexual abuse don’t exist because she didn’t get them.

Wow, well that is traumatic and strange for you. It doesn’t have a massive impact on national statistics though. Children are still safer with women than men.

FF

Yeah all child abusers had terrible lives, and were abused themselves - that's why they choose to inflict the same fear, pain, trauma etc on another vulnerable little human being (rather than not to want anyone to feel the way they did and ruin their life). It's good for lighter sentencing and sympathy.

What did she do before and how long did she serve for it?

I made the decision to stay single when mine was a baby. 10 years on I'm happy with that decision. It's certainly no hardship as I really enjoy being single and have a very fulfilling life. Potential abusers was way down on my list of reasons though. I didn't want to bring someone into his life who might disappear a few years down the line like his father, plus relationships can be a head fuck and I need to be mentally well and together to be a good parent. No history of abuse but I have had a stalker in the past. Personally I feel it's safer to only have people in our lives that I love and trust, I don't do drama nor need it in my life. Plus they're only kids for such a short time and life is busy, I'd rather spend what little leisure time I do have having fun with my kid than dating randoms in the hope that one might be half decent.

Again, one situation doesn’t have huge bearing on stats. If it were the case that when children were horrifically abused by women, their families and themselves went ‘oh you know what, we just won’t bother reporting this’ then the margins would be less.

For every situation like yours ff there will be hundreds involving men who also didn’t get charged. Although child abduction would be a part of national statistics, again a very small part as most abductions are family members.

You cannot honestly believe that every man who has tried to do a similar thing has been caught and charged but in your situation the person wasn’t because she was a woman? In actual fact women are more likely to be charged, not less

FFS experience is terrible but is thankfully extremely unusual.

Re it and the other poster who said she was sexually (?) abused by older girls_ I'm really sorry to hear that.

I am certainly not claiming if never ever happens, just that it is much more unusual than sexual abuse etc by makes.

Camel ffs by your own logic, your children should be removed from you and placed with a non related lesbian with no male relatives.

Males!

A few years ago my friends exp was arrested because of aligations made by one of his older dds, they couldn’t prove anything and he moved back with his gf and her dcs. My friend had to allow him access to their children together

He has just been arrested again, aligations made by one of his gfs children. I hope this time they manage to lock the bastard up

I’ve known him for years, lived next door to them for a while and there was never anything about him that made me think he was capable or it. Never even crossed my mind until they arrested him the first time. I would find it very difficult to trust a new partner with my dcs after that

Er, no.
By ‘my’ logic children are statistically safer with their mothers. (Does anyone else have deja vu)

We were, at the time, the only people, as far as I know, to take it to the police.

We moved 60 miles away as soon as we could sell up and move. It fucked my kids lives up.

But that doesn’t mean I keep them away from all women.

Statistically if most absurd by women is by mothers, then by your logic children should live with women who are not their mothers and who are in single sex relationships.

*abuse

Er, no.
By ‘my’ logic children are statistically safer with their mothers. (Does anyone else have deja vu)

They are statistically safer with you than a man but they are statistically safer with an unrelated woman than with you.

98% of abuse is by men
2% is by mothers.
Aren't those your figures?

Ff

She's gotten away lightly by the sounds of it. So sorry to hear how your kids were affected. The move was the only thing you could do and if it got you out of her vicinity, the best thing you could possibly have done.

But why would you keep them away from women - as I said she/ the incident is freak. How many women are (or have been) imprisoned for child sexual abuse. Minute numbers compared to men - and all the examples are can think of were in collusion with men.

You are continuing to belittle and minimise. It’s disgusting.

On average men represent a much greater risk to the safety of your daughter's from cradle to ..