A awkward Question to single mums

[Issy777]

How would you trust meeting another man when you have kids?
This will sound a horrible, uncomfortable question but I recently was witnessed to something my best friend went through a few years back
She was a single mum to her 9 year old daughter, met a guy in a restaurant we went to (a waiter) he was way too fast with her
To leave out the gruesome details, she caught him stroking daughters leg. Was horrific
She's now scared of meeting someone again. I'm in a bad relationship n think I only stay because i have two daughters n I just wouldn't.. couldn't trust another man, not just cos of what happened with bf but because it's something Iv always feared
What if u meet a guy he acts like Prince Charming, u become close so you're ready to introduce him to your child ? How can you trust his intentions? What he'd be capable off?
Just something I want to know as I know it's holding me back I know there's obvious going to be no way of knowing but for instance when and how long would u introduce your dc to new guy?

Camel is not saying women can't abuse, she's saying they abuse (sexually anyway) in much much scarcer numbers. (And often a man is involved/a party to the abuse). The op is almost exclusively about sexual abuse, isn't it?

Did the woman who tried to abduct your children have a sexual motive ftfo?

She’s saying it’s nonsense.

Which IS nonsense.

Yes. She did.

She had done it before. And her motive, yes, was sexual.

Was there a man involved?

Marco
No, I don’t. I think I’ve experienced first hand what nasty shits males can be and then I’ve studied for 3 years in a field that reiterated that.

I’m not basing my Children’s safety on ‘well I know Dave pand he’s okay’ but on actual factual information.

No. No one else was involved. Just her.

If children are abused by women they are most likely to be mothers by a huge amount. So you’re now taking 2% of cases and then shortening that by even more. The cases of non maternal women attacking children is almost statistically unquantifiable

I took it that she was saying women on average are much less of a risk, which they are. The vast vast majority of child sexual abuse, rape, sex crimes are by men - obviously.

Your experience is pretty unusual. To date I've never heard of one incident of anything similar in my region, yet unfortunately have heard of countless incidents of mens inappropriate - criminal sexual behaviour.

Well I’m sorry that my experience which has traumatised me and left me with flashbacks and ptsd doesn’t fit your narratives.

It’s shocking the attitude on here from some. Totally shocking.

I'd go so far as to call it freak.

Unfortunately I'd describe men abusing children as not uncommon.

Well mine doesn’t fit you narratives, ff but I’m not here being emotional and attacking you for that.

Life experience and national statistics are not 'narratives'.

But, for the millionth time, those statistics are based on children who report. Children are less likely to report the abuse you deny exists to statistical import and more likely to have it minimised. Partly because of the vicious cycle we see right here; 'women don't do that- I'll place my child with this women- mum said women are safe- so this behaviour must be okay- maybe it isn't okay? Women don't do that- I'd best not report it- no one would believe me- women don't statistically speaking abuse'.

No man was involved with my abuse either. Just two fucked up older girls.
It happens, it’s not a Fucking myth. Mine wasn’t a myth (I wish to god it was). It’s actually really upsetting to hear my abuse dismissed like this.
You need to take precautions and guard against any person with your child, put sensible precautions in place. Safeguard regardless of gender.

FREAK?

Well isn’t that just lovely.

You are completely and utterly victim blaming and minimising with that statement. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you and your children, what was done to her?
Has she been prevented from being a risk to children?

A freak incident.

Im sorry but you seem almost hysterical here.

I'd wait.
My Mum did wait until i was 16 and my sis was 10.
But my mum's bf always perved at me. He said in front of my mum that he thought I was "fit" and "he definitely would".
I used to put a chair behind my door at night because when drunk he would come in accidentally on purpose. He did not get a chance to touch me though.
At 17 mum would go out leaving me with him so I would hide away. My mum was jealous and would demand that i was always covered in the house.
I was lucky, he didn't touch me, but i felt threatened by his presence. Funnily enough, he was never into my sister.
I've got a 12 year old DD and if me and oh split, i will remain single until she's an adult.

It is, remarkably rare. There are even studies on whether it is actually possibly for females to be peadophiles, as in actually get sexually excited by young children.

AFAIK the study could not conclude if the very few examples of child sexual abuse by women was in fact sexually motivated or for other (awful) reasons.

However it’s well know that a large proportion of men are sexually aroused by children.

Just not worth the risk

I have literally never heard of any case of a woman, acting on her own, abducting girls (?) to sexually abuse them.

CantankerousCamel I'm the same with my DP but he doesn't know that he is included in my mistrust towards men. I told him once I wouldn't trust his dad for example and he was deeply offended. I don't think I could ever admit to him that when he has a bath and DD wants to join him that I listen out or just quietly pop my head round a few times. I think he would be furious with me. Which I understand. How does your DH feel about it?

If children are abused by women they are most likely to be mothers by a huge amount.

So why are you not advocating children being removed from their mothers? That would be the logical conclusion based on your previous (illogical) reasoning.

Rixera again that would hold weight if there was less margin. We are talking HUGE margins between male abuse of children and female.

HUGE. Not justifiable with ‘they don’t report’ not least because of the rate of actual deaths and physical injuries to abused children

The other issue here is that PTSD and symptoms overwhelmingly aren't caused by the event but how it is dealt with. If we live accepting realistic risks, gender etc aside, and believe & support our children, teaching them acceptable boundaries, they will be safer in the long term than if we keep them ignorant of risks or frightened of telling their parent because of their reaction. They will learn from any abuse 'my mum/dad has my side, no one is allowed to do that to me, and if anyone treats me that way they will see consequences.'

That is what I meant by freak (also not just by just personal knowledge or experience: I have an interest in crime and waste my time reading about it and have never come across any incident like that either).