A awkward Question to single mums

[Issy777]

How would you trust meeting another man when you have kids?
This will sound a horrible, uncomfortable question but I recently was witnessed to something my best friend went through a few years back
She was a single mum to her 9 year old daughter, met a guy in a restaurant we went to (a waiter) he was way too fast with her
To leave out the gruesome details, she caught him stroking daughters leg. Was horrific
She's now scared of meeting someone again. I'm in a bad relationship n think I only stay because i have two daughters n I just wouldn't.. couldn't trust another man, not just cos of what happened with bf but because it's something Iv always feared
What if u meet a guy he acts like Prince Charming, u become close so you're ready to introduce him to your child ? How can you trust his intentions? What he'd be capable off?
Just something I want to know as I know it's holding me back I know there's obvious going to be no way of knowing but for instance when and how long would u introduce your dc to new guy?

Marco

AFAIK these stats are widely available. Frankly my days of searching google for shit I learned at uni are over, it’s a yawn fest. Greatly compacted by my belief that people should honestly do their own research and come to their own conclusions, I’m not here to preach to you.

I always said I’d not try and meet anyone until my twins are 18!!! Only 9 years to go....

Shatners

It is totally unacceptable and I make absolutely no apologises for hiding my children from it.

CantankerousCamel got a link to the NZ thing or an explanation? Don't think NZ childcare will Google very helpfully

CantankerousCamel I am so sorry to hear what happened to you.

I think it is very sad other people are falling over themselves to tell you that you are wrong, despite what you have experienced and read about.

You have not said at all that your boys or anyone else's boys, or husbands are monsters and as you rightly point out not being asked to babysit for a younger sibling is hardly a hardship.

Can you please share the journal or text book you are using for your figures.

Queensland isn’t in new Zealand

‘Queensland social services crisis’

Or ‘Queensland child abuse crisis’ should work.

I completely get where you are coming from camel, a close family member of mine works in child protection, I won’t say what capacity as it would be outing but she has very similar views as yours. I think maybe it’s come from seeing first hand how very common sexual abuse of children is, as well as how the perpetrators are mostly ‘normal’ men. Husbands, brothers, uncles, stepdads etc. So I don’t blame her... or you, and believe your opinions and advice is valid.

For myself however, I’m slightly more relaxed... I haven’t dated anyone but am open to the idea. My children won’t be meeting them until/unless marriage was imminent though.

AFAIK these stats are widely available. Frankly my days of searching google for shit I learned at uni are over, it’s a yawn fest. Greatly compacted by my belief that people should honestly do their own research and come to their own conclusions, I’m not here to preach to you.

They aren't widely available as I have said a few times.
You said you had the document. Why can't you share that.

I have done my own research and have come to my own conclusions. I think you are talking rubbish.

Cantankerous those google suggestions presuppose an outcome. They aren’t balanced.

CantankerousCamel
I can only cite sleep dep, caffeine dep and sheer studipidy. Prob a goog Jon I didn't do my own Google 🤪🤪My brain def thought I'd read NZ not Queens land so not geographical misrepresentation so much as stupid brain

I don't really see the point of everyone piling on CantankerousCamel this is obviously a triggering topic for her and she's made choices based on horrible things she experienced. Just disagree and move on. I highly doubt anyone who is happily partnered is going to chuck their man onto the street or offer their teenage sons for adoption based on her comments so just drop it. It's starting to look like bullying someone vulnerable.

Queensland social services crisis’

Or ‘Queensland child abuse crisis’

Which of these links is supposed to give us the information?

www.sbs.com.au/nitv/nitv-news/article/2018/08/01/entrenched-disadvantage-queensland-releases-child-abuse-report-after-16-months all Google throws up and no mention of anything to do with men having increased access to children just a link between abuse and poverty although of course girls are more likely to be abused

I left uni 4 years ago.

Anyway. I have good reason (based on months of child safeguarding studies and personal experience to not trust men with my kids.

Regardless of how people feel about that, that is my conclusion and I’m afraid you will not change it.

This argument seems a bit circular now. I would recommend doing as much research as you can.

I was abused by an older girl when i was little.
It happens, its under reported. Its still a risk, less of a risk according to the stats, but it still fucks you up. Don't be naive in that

CantankerousCamel

" I’m just one person who doesn’t let blokes around my kids... this is NOT a drama for any of you"

I think the reason people are reacting in this way is because they might think:
you let your son/s know the concerns, I would not allow a teenage boy to babysit for my kids, but I don't go around telling my friends with teenage boys that they cannot look after my kids!

or they think you are being unfair by not allowing males access to your kids (you've been very clear about your own dh and certainly sound like you have a loving and happy family so it's clear your concerns are not hurting anyone)

Maybe the real issue is that people fear you might be right and they realise that they haven't always taken such precautions.

As an aside my friend, who has a 13 year old boy, has told me she would not allow him to be alone upstairs with a girl, like my 13 year old dd. My dd has no interest in her son, and I expect the feeling is mutual but I 100% respect my friends views even if I do not share her concerns.

As an aside my friend, who has a 13 year old boy, has told me she would not allow him to be alone upstairs with a girl, like my 13 year old dd
Is that in case anything does happen or because she thinks her son might abuse your daughter?
Maybe I'm being an irresponsible mum as mine is 3 but I can't imagine looking at my son and thinking "well there's a would be rapist" without some evidence of worrying behaviour. I might think I don't trust two teenagers or that I want to protect him fro allegations but I certainly don't look at my 19 yo nephew and assume he'd rape someone if he had the opportunity

@Italian Disagree. The first thing Camel said was an absolute blanket "Never trust men. Just never". Not, "because of my personal experience I would never leave my children alone with any man".

What are you going to do camel when your kids get a male teacher?

Maybe the real issue is that people fear you might be right and they realise that they haven't always taken such precautions.

I think that’s usually what it is. You can tell by the anger directed at anyone who states views like these. It gets very personal very quickly.

I’ve never introduced anyone to my children since me and my ex split up.

I’ve never had a boyfriend in the house when they were around.

I’ve never left them with anyone other than family.

And yet according to camel my son is a potential abuser because he has a dick and I’m slack for sending them to their dad as per the court order.

Oh and they stay with my dad an odd night too. Which is clearly horrendously negligent. Or something.