LMD - moving on from abusive parents pt2

[Littlemissdemeanour]

As the old thread is filling up,

Link to old thread: Abusive parents- I phoned the police. Now what?www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3366847-Abusive-parents-I-phoned-the-police-Now-what

Deep down I'm sure you know there's nothing at all stupid in what you said; it's just that a lifetime of being made to doubt yourself doesn't disappear overnight

Great that he's a looker, but I'm sure he's just as attracted to you - after all, he said "why wouldn't we (see each other)" didn't he?

I'd gently recommend not moving too far too fast, though. Just enjoy it for what it is; if it turns into something wonderful that's just great and we'll all be buying hats and if it doesn't, you'll still have the confidence of knowing this is yet another thing you can do

Onwards and upwards!!

Yes, it did move so fast. And I am so confused. I asked the stupid q of will we see each other again because I felt he wasn't being as affectionate as he had been (which is ridiculous, and he's perfectly entitled to want his own space after days!).

I feel by asking that I fucked it up. He said why wouldn't we, why would you think / say that? What he didn't realise is that I'd been awake since 4am with rising anxiety in my stomach that it had just been an amazing few days and that was it.

He dropped me off with a kiss and said he would text later- will he actually though?

See, as much as I wanted this, I rushed in and now I wish I hadn't had any of it, because I feel so sick now.

@KlutzyDraconequus

It is/ was a long first date. Four days! I just don't want to have missed out on a great thing because of my eagerness to be loved/ wanted.

I have a feeling he's a good guy. And he's shown me nothing to suggest otherwise. I'm forming this opinion on past experience, not on anything he's done.

I'm trying to control the anxiety so it doesn't run away with me and I fuck it up by texting him (I Defo should not text him first, right?)

Again, it will be a miracle if I hear from him again!

fuck it up by texting him (I Defo should not text him first, right?)

I'm.a guy.. if I'd had a 4 day date with someone id be delighted to get a text. :)
(But TBF I've never understood the angst over texting and calling and who does it first and all that bollocks. You want to text him, text him)

@KlutzyDraconequus thanks 

I'm just thinking that he said I'll text you later, so I should wait for him to do so, yes?

Well that's ultimately up to you.
I don't know what your relationship was before your date, if you were texting often Nd mundane stuff, or texting infrequently whne you had stuff to say, or only text a few times to arrange date etc.

But I will say.. if you text him and he doesnt reply, or gets annoyed you text first, then he's a dick and you're better off knowing that now rather than later...

I'm no help.. lol

Wow, that's some first date, OP! Really happy for you that you've had an amazing few days after everything you've been through lately.

I would hold off on texting him though. He'll either text you or he won't but if you chase him and don't get the response you want, you'll just feel worse. Best to leave it in his court and if he's a decent bloke, he won't play games and you'll hear from him soon.

Can you distract yourself for the rest of the day by doing something that involves you having to switch off your phone so you can't check it every two mins, like going to the cinema or to the gym/swimming?

Yeah, texts before were light (my decision) and we had a phone call for arrangements (one of the things he said he liked about me).

Ok, won't go texting him, hopefully he does text me (was busy until 4ish then a dinner again later, so appreciate he is tied up).

It would just be incredible to have a good ending to a terrible story.

I just really hope my anxious induced statement this morning hasn't changed things.

It's funny, before I met him date wise I genuinely wasn't troubled because I thought it was very unlikely he would like me back, but apparently he did. I guess...

but apparently he did. I guess

Why wouldn't he? You're pretty awesome. Repeat that till you believe it.. 😉

Thanks @KlutzyDraconequus 

I haven't felt it particularly often recently. Although it was lovely to get glammed up (think he got a shock the first time he saw me in jeans, lol)

I Defo should not text him first, right?

Personally I wouldn't - you said he's got a busy day/evening and the last thing you need is a very short reply which might make you feel worse. If he's the decent guy he seems he'll certainly text, even if he waits until tomorrow when he can give you the attention you deserve

Don't forget the "will he call?" jitters are absolutely normal, even for folk who haven't been through dreadful events, so it's even more natural for you to feel this way and nothing to worry about

Since you mentioned he's a florist, did you meet him at the class perhaps?

Thanks @Puzzledandpissedoff

I really hope he is decent. The guy was in my home for two days, and then me his (I know, I know, madness, what was I thinking).

No, he's not a florist. He's a semi famous actor and model (hence my major panic attack about will he call / am I good enough shit, he's seen me without my make up)



Apologies Littlemiss, I got that thoroughly round my neck didn't I? Think I must have got confused about him and the class in the same post ...

Anyway he sounds seriously cute; since you (presumably ) didn't shackle him to the furniture he clearly wanted to be with you, which sounds good. Do watch out for ego issues, though; I could be completely wrong (again!!) but if he's used to a lot of adulation that can sometimes cause a certain self-absorption

Totally @Puzzledandpissedoff I was well watching out for the signs. He's quite a bit older though, so he's a bit more balanced, and didn't seem to have an ego. This is good.

I am beginning to feel awkward that 7 hours have passed BUT we had 4 days...

And no, I did not shackle him to the furniture (lol). And he invited me back to his last night as he wanted to cook for me. It was cute, and he went to quite the effort. And his place was spotlessly tidy, which excites me more than his thoroughly gorgeous face and don't even get me started on his body 

He's sounding more and more promising; I really like the offer to cook for you properly, as IME timewasters tend not to offer things they'll need to put a lot of effort into

I'll be very surprised if he's not in touch, though it could well be tomorrow if he's busy today. If something gets in his way (and there could be any number of reasons), and given how he sounds, maybe you could find something nice you fancy seeing - a play, an exhibition, whatever - and ask very lightly if he'd like to go

As I said, I doubt you'll need to though

LMD you're getting all wound up. Is it possible to take it for what it was, a special short 40 hours, a little treat all of its own, a little island of sweetness in the sea of ordinary life? (ahem, sorry, but you get what I mean!)

if he doesn't text again it's not a failure on your part. It was a lovely two nights and something to smile about when you think of it. Appreciate it!

4 days*!

Thanks both

@Puzzledandpissedoff that's what i thought! It's possible he's sitting thinking I don't want to sound too keen as well.

@SeaEagleFeather yes, of course I could put it down to that and a good time BUT I did have good expectations , and we did get on, so I guess I'm just hoping that it could only be the beginning of something?

fingers crossed for you =)

Thanks @SeaEagleFeather

It's this crap age of communication and makes one text (or lack thereof) so anxiety inducing !

Sitting on my hands. This is depressing! Such a come down.

Wait it out, it’s not all doom and gloom yet and he did say he was busy with things today. Still time yet, and I’m sure he’ll text tomorrow.

He must like you or wouldn’t have spent a 4 day first date with you

Try not to overthink the aftermath of the date. This guy likes you or he would not have head such an epic mega-date with you!

Eventually you will learn to accept that people will like you, because you are likeable.

And going back to strawberry tart from earlier in your thread, I made a baked treat that is really easy to do yourself (and you could make it for him and show off!):
Bought puff pastry - roll out into a tin.
Marzipan - roll out and line pastry with it.
Chop 2 cooking apples, mix with sultanas, stir in 1 tsp ground ginger, 2 tsp ground cinnamon, 1/2 tsp ground cloves. Spread on top of marzipan.

Bake at 160 for about 20 minutes. Serve warm with vanilla ice ceram for maximum treat.

No messages 

@pointythings sounds amazing!