LMD - moving on from abusive parents pt2

[Littlemissdemeanour]

As the old thread is filling up,

Link to old thread: Abusive parents- I phoned the police. Now what?www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3366847-Abusive-parents-I-phoned-the-police-Now-what

Then have fun and enjoy it. Just keep your eyes wide open.

If anytyat least it hopefully distracts you from your awful parents

I'm going to roll with each day at a time, and try not to invest too much into something that might / might not go somewhere

Sounds like a plan

FWIW I'd also be a bit over "could see us falling in love" but if you keep a handle on the investment you make in this it probably doesn't matter too much ... just enjoy it for now and what will be will be

Sounds good to me. Enjoy your lovely distraction for now and take each day as it comes.

Woohoo, Little Miss!!! Be happy and trust that you deserve it!!!

it sounds really nice, taking it day by day :)

Taking it day by day is actually a good way for you to learn about normal, healthy human relationships - which come in all forms. This is something new to you, so roll with it, enjoy it, see where it goes without judgement. Especially of yourself by yourself.

Honestly, you are doing so amazingly well!

Btw - is it just me, or are the entire Little Misses Fanclub imagining the bewilderment of her bloody awful family when they see her photo in the social pages with this adoring celeb hanging off her arm sometime in the future?

When she has changed all her contact details, of course and they can't start haranguing her again, of course.

just1lou well I certainly am!

I love these posts so much! Thank you all. I feel like you're my wee posse, from all ends of the globe!

So updates! Just left his now (lol) and he's really really pleasant... when we have a drink/ giggle. But honestly, he's a cretin in the morning, to the point of being really grumpy / not pleasant/ barely uttering a word. I don't know if it's just a hangover, or more? I have my suspicions that he may have taken coke just by the change in him and how the hangover is being compounded by something other than just alcohol IYSWIM?

We had made an outline plan to do something on Thursday, but to be honest, I don't think I'll trouble myself. Feels a little Jekyll and Hyde.

May just leave it there with him and focus on flower arranging class tonight/ counselling Thursday / organising my home which has been turned upside down since I met him 6 days ago (yikes!)

The above is just too much I think. Seen each other every day for 6. And he says such intense things (with a drink) but acts different the next day. I don't think I can be with the inconsistency.

Anyway..... how is everyone else this fine day?

My DP is a grumpy arse in the mornings OP, maybe it's a man thing it does sound intense, sounds like you've had a great few days and nights though go LMD!

Actually Little Miss, my suggestion is to listen to your intuition. Have fun, certainly... But you don’t want to find yourself in a relationship with a highly dysfunctional person. Treading warily know rather than jumping in heart-first may very well save you countless hours in the counsellor’s char in the future. It is also a very good time to realise that you are very capable of establishing boundaries for yourself. Your wings have sprouted and you are flying, Little Miss!!!

Typing on phone as I am going to bed... warily & now
Regardless of my spelling, i’m Very proud of you. Your posts show such emotional intelligence and are developing confidence. You know it’s all entirely your choice and nobody else’s opinion matters one little bit! 💐💐💐

maybe it's a man thing

No, definitely not a man thing, I'm never grumpy in a morning.

Sounds like a bit of a red flag tho, especially the change of personality, I'd avoid that like a steaming heap of dog mess and you're wearing your best shoes.

Have you had a date / morning where alcohol hasn’t been involved?

Well done on your spidey senses tingling though.

@justilou1 yes, I agree. Something not quite right here. He has texted twice, but I haven't replied (rightly or wrongly)- he's just not so nice on balance.

@KlutzyDraconequus absolutely. People can be grumpy, but all the time and splitting personality like this? More to it, I think. Of which I'm not prepared to hang around to see!!!

@PaleRider1 yes, we've spent mornings and one day sober and the difference was ... night and day (see what I did there )

Glad to hear you've been having fun, but as others have said listen to your self - if you are feeling its off then take a step back.

Little Miss - You are officially a grownup now. I certainly hope you believe that you can trust your judgement now. It's time to tune out the out-dated voices of the past and move on with your own, stronger voice that tells you the truth. You've got this.

To borrow a slogan: when the fun stops, stop. It sounds like the fun may have stopped with this guy, but that doesn't discount the fun that went before (IYSWIM)!

You sound stronger, which is great

Morning! I woke up and thought I'm not being fair by ignoring (despite what he's done), so I called him. I asked how he was feeling, said better etc etc. I then said this isn't working out for me.

He seemed astounded and said WHAT. I replied that you're two different people; drunk vs sober and you're really short with me. He said I'm sorry but I'm ill. I said uhu, yes, but I'm LMD, and I wanted to take the pain away from you, stayed to look after you, and you were unkind and short on two different occasions.

He proceeded to get pretty angry and raise voice, used my name, ranted then hung up. So we know what kind of man he is, and that I did the right thing.

I sent a message saying I'm sorry if I upset you, I tried to explain before being cut off (as he genuinely sounded confused), wished him all the best, and said thanks for a good week.

Done. Wow!

Uff. I love how you don't hang about now you've decided enough is enough, LMD - bloody well done you! He was probably expecting you to keep hanging on putting up with him for at least a few more weeks..... well done on not!

That was perfectly handled. What you can now take from this is that your instincts about people are solid, despite your utterly dysfunctional upbringing. And that is a huge thing to have achieved! It's all onward and upwards now for you. There will be tough times and setbacks but you've got this. 🤺

Thank you so much. I actually feel worthy of better (something I may have really struggled with before).

He definitely was Jekyll and Hyde and his ego hated the fact I wouldn't put up with it.

If he meant any of the things he professed the other night whilst under the influence, he wouldn't have lashed out on the phone like that, or hung up. He's 50 in May Ffs, this is not a young man.

I feel strangely serene about it all. Whilst I don't massively agree with my own judgement in rushing in like I did, I think in many ways it helped me to get to this outcome sooner than I would have, and saved me a lot of hurt in the long term.

You are the Ego Ninja, LMD! Well done!!! That was very brave!!!

@justilou1 yikes .... dunno about that. He wasn't nice!

well done!!