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Original poster

In laws haven’t yet congratulated us..

165 replies

Mumtobe99 · 10/10/2018 21:51

So I’ve been living with my in-laws for nearly 2 years now! ( frustrating) I never planned to have a baby until we moved out but it happened and we’re very happy!!
My MIL used to say “oh why don’t you guys have a baby?” And I used to say I’m waiting to have my own house first etc etc ..

But now I am pregnant she hasn’t mentioned anything at all to her son or me as if they want to just ignore it??
His dad didn’t even beleive us we told him he thought we were lying (wow)
Everyone is so happy for us apart from them.

I know they never liked me and our relationship isint that great but at the end of the day it’s your first grandchild ?
I don’t know if they’re jealous or ..
I know they hate me because of the attention my husband gives to me and he backs me up against them if they’re talking behind my back ... ( they’re old fashioned)
I’ve literally been bullied by all of them in this house I’ve been through so much.
They also don’t like me because I’m not their “typical bride” that’s what she told my mum!

I honestly don’t know how I’m going to live in this house with this baby it’s going to be tough but until we move out!!

OP posts:
Booie09 · 11/10/2018 04:22

I will never understand some people who have children that they can't afford!! OP you said you have enough for a deposit to rent but not enough to pay the monthly out goings! How the hell are you going to afford it?? Another one let's get pregnant and start claiming benefits....

GloomyMonday · 11/10/2018 05:19

They haven't congratulated you because there's nothing congratulatory about your situation. It's an accidental pregnancy to a couple who can't afford to house themselves. You are now going to be raising a child in their home, with all of the stress and upheaval that that entails. Your hope of moving out has just been pushed further away, as your earning is likely to be suppressed this year by maternity. It's too late now, but you've messed up and they know it even if you don't.

Angelf1sh · 11/10/2018 05:57

Between the two of you, you can’t afford £800 a month rent but you think you can afford a baby? Good luck with that.

I wouldn’t be congratulating you either in the circumstances, I wouldn’t want a baby in my house. I also think you’ve got the standard self-aborbtion that I often see on mumsnet - nobody else needs to be thrilled you’re pregnant, it’s not a big deal to anybody else in the world and for your in-laws it will actively reduce their quality of life! You need to think about your in laws for once instead of emphasising how awful it is for you to live there, maybe consider how awful it is for them to have you there. It sounds like they’ve done a lot for you to let you live there but you sound ungrateful.

And other PPs are right, the council won’t house you if you’re already adequately housed so nothing is going to change unless you privately rent or they throw you out.

Charlie97 · 11/10/2018 06:31

This reads like you've taken your PIL advice for when you have a child.... this makes you sound about 15!!

Where is this child going to sleep, have stuff stored, toys, high chairs etc. Do you intend on having just one child or more? If so how's having more going to fit in with you getting your own place?

auberbene · 11/10/2018 07:02

Why are people being so nasty? This is a young pregnant girl here. She needs support and guidance.

Chances of you getting a council house are incredibly slim, OP. You won't just be 'given' a CH because you have a baby. It's not classed as 'over crowding' until they're 2.

The chances of saving for a mortgage are also pretty minimal. Unfortunately that's the case for young adults nowadays.

Have you considered moving out of London?

SabineUndine · 11/10/2018 07:09

If your inlaws have a three bedroom place, I doubt that would be classed as overcrowding since your baby could move into the third bedroom.

Yonijust · 11/10/2018 07:13

They are probably thinking it will take you even longer to save for a deposit now.

cptartapp · 11/10/2018 07:14

You'll be able to save even less when one of you is at home 24/7 with a baby. Or are you expecting free childcare from somewhere? At your stage in life under the circumstances a baby is the very last thing you should be having. Were you using contraception?

PurpleDaisies · 11/10/2018 07:22

This is a young pregnant girl here.

The op has never said that. Apparently she’s paid her taxes for years.

Catsize · 11/10/2018 07:23

Stop bring so entitled, move north to cheaper rents, make an effort and use contraceptives in the future perhaps. You have been very fortunate to have such kind hospitality for two years.
The 'have a baby' comment probably didn't envisage a baby in the near future, under their roof.

stayathomer · 11/10/2018 07:27

Not everyone can afford to live where they want OP. If you're about to be a parent you and your dh need to sit down and put together that doesn't necessarily mean staying with your in laws for ever. As someone said above you just need a comfortable place to live, if you can't afford London then find somewhere you can afford, it's what everyone else does. Best of luck!

reallyreallynow · 11/10/2018 07:35

@auberbene young pregnant woman... OP says she's not!

auberbene · 11/10/2018 07:39

@reallyreallynow you're right. I think she is, though.

Taylor22 · 11/10/2018 08:02

Why would they congratulate you?

You've just burdened them even more.

They are now even more disadvantaged through no fault of their own and solely due to your stupid actions and ill thought out plans.

ShannonRockallMalin · 11/10/2018 08:05

OP, I think you’re getting a bit of a hard time here, although I do think you need to adjust your expectations. I imagine lots of posters here, like me, were able to save up and get decent housing in their twenties and then start a family, before the current housing crisis and ridiculous house prices and rents. I do feel really sorry for young people now who are expected to put their lives on hold for so long because of the housing situation in this country. It’s all very well saying move out of London, but if that’s where your family and support network is, that’s hard to do. Having said that OP, you can rent a nice two bed house for £400 a month where I live and we are only an hour or so from London Wink

swingofthings · 11/10/2018 08:09

You come across as ungrateful and a sense of entitlement. So you rely think your oh's parents enjoy you living with them?

You can be certain that they don't. They did it at the goodness of their heart thinking they would help you do the right thing, save money and move.

Instead you stayed for much too long and now took a selfish decision that suits you. Why should they express happiness when they are not?

You need to start realising that the world doesn't revolve around you and what makes you happy. Give this couple their house back and move out.

Gazelda · 11/10/2018 08:17

If I were you, I'd be scrimping and saving every penny and then move out to the cheapest rental possible. I don't think you are going to have a happy time living with you ILs after the baby arrives.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 11/10/2018 08:35

@ShannonRockallMalin* Can I just ask what general area you live that people can rent a nice 2 bed house for £400 a month an hour from London? I live an hour from London and a 2 bed private rental is about £800-900 pcm. I moved house last year from a different area an hour from London in the opposite direction, where the rent would have been exactly the same. Really intrigued to know where you can rent a 2 bed for that price without going significantly north of London. Might help the OP too!

ShannonRockallMalin · 11/10/2018 08:40

@Darkly, So I’ve just had a look on Zoopla, and it’s probably more like £5-600, so apologies for underestimating. I live in the fenland area of Cambridgeshire. Areas like Wisbech are very reasonable, if not the most cosmopolitan! Fast train from Peterborough to kings Cross is about an hour.

DMarewankers · 11/10/2018 08:44

**They also don’t like me because I’m not their “typical bride” that’s what she told my mum!

Op, are you Asian? Asian in-laws (not all but a fair few) are incredibly controlling, they are possibly pissed off because they can’t come between you and your DH. WW3 will start before they congratulate you.
On the other hand, I assume you’ve lived with them rent free for 2 years? In which case, you can’t really complain. You said your mother-in-law insisted you stay with them but if you hadn’t, where would you have lived?
Is it possible for you to move out of London to a cheaper area? The current situation isn’t fair on any of you. Have you looked into a flat/house share?
No matter what, they are your husbands parents, they’ve loved him all his life and it’s really not fair for him to be piggy in the middle.
Move out, grow up and rebuild your relationship when you’re in a better place.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 11/10/2018 08:46

@Shannon* Thanks for clarifying. Still good value compared to other areas.

Luvly12 · 11/10/2018 08:51

Oh ffs really? You're living with them and now there's going to be a baby too? Just move out. Asap

Why do you even want to live there anyway... the situation sounds pure crap.

Move to somewhere you can afford. We've all had to do it.

If you're going to keep living with the in laws so you can save money for a better area or better house then you may just suck it up. You've got a choice. You do not have to live with them. You are CHOOSING to

SawnUpLooRoll · 11/10/2018 08:52

OP, perhaps I can offer a similar experience?

DH and I got married young - I was 22, and he was 24. We were living with his parents, and had done since I was 19. We have a good relationship with his mum and dad, and always have. They had lots of space in their last house, and they had offered us the chance to live with them and pay bills rather than rent so we could save for a house deposit.

In the year afterwards, we decided we wanted to start a family. I was working minimum wage, part time, and DH was working full time on a slightly higher wage. We went for it, and when I fell pregnant with DS...

We offered to move out and rent.

His parents had lots of space. We got on well. We didn't have a huge amount of money, but we did not expect anything from them because that's just not what people do. The outcome was that they insisted we stayed for a few more years because they wanted us to, not because we thought we should. We have a place of our own now, and we still happily see my ILs several times a week.

That was many years ago, but I think most of the discussion here is about what you believe you are entitled to, and what you believe is right.

LexieLulu · 11/10/2018 09:03

I presume from the username name the OP was born in 1999 making her 19.

Council house list in London is ridiculous and even being pregnant will not help. If you intend to stay living in London you really need to think about ways to improve your income as money will be even more right now and you can't live with your in laws forever

Charlottesshoezzzz · 11/10/2018 09:27

OP the council aren't going to be in any rush to house you as you already have a roof over your head. Baby or no baby, I don't think that will find you a council home any quicker. Now if you was homeless with a baby (god forbid) that would move you up the list quicker.... I think you've got this all wrong & I don't think having a baby will get you a quicker council home at all as you've already got a roof over your head which is how the council will see it!