In laws haven’t yet congratulated us..

[Mumtobe99]

So I’ve been living with my in-laws for nearly 2 years now! ( frustrating) I never planned to have a baby until we moved out but it happened and we’re very happy!!
My MIL used to say “oh why don’t you guys have a baby?” And I used to say I’m waiting to have my own house first etc etc ..

But now I am pregnant she hasn’t mentioned anything at all to her son or me as if they want to just ignore it??
His dad didn’t even beleive us we told him he thought we were lying (wow)
Everyone is so happy for us apart from them.

I know they never liked me and our relationship isint that great but at the end of the day it’s your first grandchild ?
I don’t know if they’re jealous or ..
I know they hate me because of the attention my husband gives to me and he backs me up against them if they’re talking behind my back ... ( they’re old fashioned)
I’ve literally been bullied by all of them in this house I’ve been through so much.
They also don’t like me because I’m not their “typical bride” that’s what she told my mum!

I honestly don’t know how I’m going to live in this house with this baby it’s going to be tough but until we move out!!

I don't know whereabouts in London you live but there are areas in Greater London with easy commute to central London, that charge quite reasonable rents. In reality you only need a one bed place until your little one is two or so, by which time you will have saved money for a bigger place. I'd say get it now before you start showing.

Council tenants are subsidised by the tax/council tax payer. You are a tax payer so fair enough but do you realise that a lot of council places you are likely to be offered are grim, in awful areas? People have to wait years to be given a nice house and garden on a decent estate.

It's not much of an ambition to want to be housed by the local authority.

Sorry but you don't sound very nice. Move out of their home asap. Then have the baby under your own roof.

I'd like to say congratulations to you, such exciting times ahead.

My worry after reading your post is that you have felt bullied by your in-laws. They might try to influence your parenting of your little one and you will be pressured to go along with something you aren't comfortable with because you are living under their roof. This is very harmful. I would put all your energy into finding a place of your own. You don't want to be tied to these people anymore than you have to. It will be better for everyone in the long run. Time to stand your ground. You have your own family now.

I have waited until I was 33 and have enough money to be comfortable. No, it isn't what "everyone" does but it's not that unusual.

His dad doesn’t want us there for sure but we can’t afford to move anywhere else, we’re on the waiting list for a council house atm, I should be moved up a band after baby arrives hopefully!

That's your strategy? I guess it's as good a reason as any to decide to have a baby...

Can't say I'd be thrilled either if you were living in MY house with no firm plans to get out (2 years?????OMG) Might be time to actually start adulting OP. Just a thought

How would you like it if two people who lived with you suddenly decided that another person would be coming to live in your house? And this person would wake you up at all hours, turn your house upside down and prevent the original two from moving out until they were offered the mythical magical thing called .......’ acouncil house in London’.

I simply cannot understand your mentality.
You say you are unhappy living with your PIL ( and , since they don’t like you they are unhappy you live there too) but you make a decision to do something which will a) guarantee your living there for the foreseeable future b) cause them massive disruption c) tie their son to you for life. So they were never going to be cheering with excitement over your pregnancy.

There’s never a perfect time to have a baby but by Gum - it’s not often I have heard of a time as imperfect as this! Where is your pride? You and the father are supposed to provide your child with a home - not live off granny and grandpa! How on earth do you intend to ever save up for your own place now - do you have any idea at all of what children cost?? And to hope that your unborn child will bump you up a band in your quest for a council house.......well, words fail me there. Shocking attitude to have.

I feel really sorry for your PIL. I would be horrified if my child thought it was ok to do this. They have done their child rearing and probably don’t relish the thought of dirty nappies and being woken up @ 3am by a baby’s screams.
Why don’t you try to repair this relationship? Be nice to them , help round the house as much as possible, do little jobs and favours for them? You would be better employed putting your time to good use doing that than coming on here to slag the people off who have given you a home for the last two years!! Ungrateful much??

Does everyone have to wait till they’re 30 and have lots of money to have a child ?
You don’t have to be well off.

Well, yes, if that’s the age they are when they are able to provide a stable roof over their head, pay the bills, pay for food and pay for any necessities kids need and the little buggers are not cheap! You don’t need to be “well off” you just need to have these aspects covered.

I was over 30yo when this was all covered off for me. I don’t understand the issue with this?

Just as long as you can afford to have a roof over your head and feed your family.

But you are staying with in-laws who are supporting the “roof over your head” which would lead to the fact you can’t. If you can then it’s a mystery as to why you are there especially given they dislike you (your claim, not mine). The falling thing is you want to go from having in-laws support you to having the state support you and you can’t see a problem with this? If you were my child I would think I had failed massively somewhere along the line.

As for paying years and years of massive taxes so the state ‘owes you’. I really doubt it’s been that many years and I would estimate your net contribution in this regard would be negative, you have (indirectly) used more services than you have contributed to.

Seriously, you need to move out. If you are grown up enough to have a baby then you are grown up enough to independently support it. Maybe move to a cheaper area you can afford?

Ok. Once again for the hard of understanding. Council and Housing association rents are not subsidised by the taxpayer or the council tax payer.

Council tenants are subsidised by the tax/council tax payer. You are a tax payer so fair enough but do you realise that a lot of council places you are likely to be offered are grim, in awful areas? People have to wait years to be given a nice house and garden on a decent estate.

Appreciate that it's not the main argument here, but tenants aren't subsidised by anyone. Rents cover costs because there is no profit margin and councils have, in the past anyway, built for the longer term. The Housing Revenue Account is kept completely separate from other council funds to prevent either subsidy happening or, more likely, rents being used to pay for other council services.

The second part is right. You are not homesless and therefore the council has no statutory right to house you. AS another poster says, you will need something in writing saying that you are no longer welcome. You will then, if you want, be put in temporary accommodation, which is likely to be, basically, a doss house. The council will then introduce you to their private sector lettings team, who will give you a list of landlords and their properties. You will also be able to bid for council homes - not money, but saying which ones of any vacant properties you would like. Hundreds of others will be doing the same and anyone who has been on the list longer than you will get a greater priority.

You might want to approach your council for advice. Their website should help.

OP you are coming over as very aggressive. You asked MN to tell you why your PILs were pissed off- it’s because you decided that you can’t provide for 2 of you so decided to make it 3. Your ILs probably hoped to get rid of you ( as it’s clear you don’t like each other) and now it sounds like you are staying plus a baby. I’d be mighty p’d off and would ask you to move out.

could you have an honest conversation with them.the longer you sit with these feelings the more resentment or upset youll get and ull be going over stories in ur mind of what ur think there thinking without actually knowing.if they are suddenly seeing a reality they don't want then that too needs to be discussed because otherwise it will come out in all sorts of shouting ways.
so maybe sit down with a cupoa and say how you realise this is going to be a big change for the household and u want to no if they are ok or what theyre feeling etc and how to make this work for yo uall.
im really sorry they arentoverjoyed as its something you do want from in laws and parents but this is how it is so how can you make it work. because you are the folks bring another person in to the house so it kind of more up to you to bring the olive branch or at least start eh discussion and that also shows them how your thinking of them so might ease the tensions a bit between you.

If you think having a baby will get you a council house in London anytime soon...dream on.

You can't afford a roof over your head. I wouldn't be thrilled if I was them either.

I reckon she was urging you to have a baby hoping you'd move out.

Your FIL doesn't want you there... time to move out or stop complaining.

Their house...their rules...or leave

Now your expecting...you need to move even if you get on like a house on fire.

OP there is another thread on here tonight about a woman who has lived with her in laws for 11 years and it's become a fucking nightmare. I suggest you have a read as it could easily become you.

OP you do sound very immature (“I’m not no scrounged”)

You need to wake up and smell the coffee...you and your husband/partner cannot afford to have this baby, you can’t afford to keep yourselves. Why did you even think it was ok to pregnant in your current circumstances? If I were your in laws I would not be happy either!

Putting the in law issue to one side for a minute, are posters saying poor people, or people who are in receipt of an element of benefits, i.e. hb, or tc should not have children?

His dad doesn’t want us there for sure but we can’t afford to move anywhere else then you can't actually afford to provide dully for your child can you? Financially affording a child includes providing them with a home, not living with the in laws because you can't afford rent.

What did they actually say when you announced your pregnancy? I think based on that I'd be looking at how soon you need to move out. Like others said commuting in might be a better option than full whack London rent

You have clearly stated you can not afford to have a house and are saving, but decide having a baby is a good idea?? You make no sense at all. That's what makes you sound immature

Probably in shock as they think about the nights that are coming with a baby in the house again.

I'm happy I was right about the London thing. If you want some insight to the wait you will face on the list..

I know somebody with 5 children in a 3 bed top floor flat. One older child, two between 6 & 10, a one year old with a very serious medical condition that requires loads of equipment etc & one 4 month baby, the elevator is often broken, her partner works full time. They have been on the council list for close to 2 years in London, with letter from medical professions etc about how they need to move for medical reasons, the problem with housing in London is that there just isn't a lot of available council housing in these areas.

You really need to look at saving up hard & very fast. if you can't afford to live comfortably paying £800 rent you really should not have gotten pregnant on the whim that can you can stay there with a baby as harsh as that sounds. Your poor PIL are going to be exhausted.

I’m confused why people don’t want them to wait to be offered a council house to rent, my first rented flat was a council flat. I paid rent? Depending on where they live 2 years isn’t that long a wait.

MrsFox council tenancies in London are as difficult to get hold of as unicorn shit, waiting lists can be decades long. If I was the grandparents in this scenario I'd be furious! There's no way you should be having a baby in someone else's house, especially when you have already outstayed your welcome.

Unless the in laws actually formally evict them, in all probability they will never get a LHA property. If they do, they will be allocated to a shithole in London, or told to move out of London to somewhere with more housing stock, I.e. North.

Until you've lived in a shithole you have no idea what it's like. Drugs being sold and consumed in the hallways. Drum and bass thumping through the floor/ceiling/walls all night. Broken glass and syringes in the stairwells. Having to step over people sleeping off a bender. Trying to get past the drug dealers and their boys to do the school run and having to ignore them making kissy noises and saying they've got something for you baby, and you want to tell them to fuck off like you would any normal street harasser, but you're too afraid to because you know they're all carrying knives.

Don't do it OP, either privately rent in an area further out and commute in, or find a private landlord who accepts HB and do it that way. And don't tell the landlord or letting agents that you're pregnant.

You sound very immature OP and frankly I feel sorry for your parents in law. Move out for Christ sake and grow up

It’s not my dream to live in a council house and it won’t be for long beleive me.

I'm sure you said that when you moved in with the in laws.
Do you thank them regularly for having you there and imposing on their space? They didn't congratulate you... Honestly.... I'd be giving you a deadline about now if I was them.

Mrs Fox+4, do you mean two years from now? The op is worried about having a baby while still living with in laws, if she and husband had to wait two years the baby would be born whilst still in their house & that would be inconvenient for all. Plus they might not be offered a council house within two years or else offered something they really wouldn't want to live in.

Op, you say it isn't your dream to live in a council house, it won't be for long (more likely you'd be offered a flat). So why live in one at all? As many have said already, it is possible to rent somewhere privately. Wherever you go you'll have to pay rent and at least you could make a home for yourselves, independent of parents. I accept that private renting is often more expensive than council but surely not that much.

However do try to maintain good relations with your in laws, you may find you need their help from time to time and they will be your child's grandparents. Relationships will be different once you move.

Good luck.