Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

In laws haven’t yet congratulated us..

165 replies

Mumtobe99 · 10/10/2018 21:51

So I’ve been living with my in-laws for nearly 2 years now! ( frustrating) I never planned to have a baby until we moved out but it happened and we’re very happy!!
My MIL used to say “oh why don’t you guys have a baby?” And I used to say I’m waiting to have my own house first etc etc ..

But now I am pregnant she hasn’t mentioned anything at all to her son or me as if they want to just ignore it??
His dad didn’t even beleive us we told him he thought we were lying (wow)
Everyone is so happy for us apart from them.

I know they never liked me and our relationship isint that great but at the end of the day it’s your first grandchild ?
I don’t know if they’re jealous or ..
I know they hate me because of the attention my husband gives to me and he backs me up against them if they’re talking behind my back ... ( they’re old fashioned)
I’ve literally been bullied by all of them in this house I’ve been through so much.
They also don’t like me because I’m not their “typical bride” that’s what she told my mum!

I honestly don’t know how I’m going to live in this house with this baby it’s going to be tough but until we move out!!

OP posts:
BoomTish · 10/10/2018 22:46

Are you married?

sliceofcheese · 10/10/2018 22:48

You don’t have to be well off.
Just as long as you can afford to have a roof over your head and feed your family.
Damn

Except you don't have this do you? The roof is your parents in laws. I assume they may be anxious about the reality of living with both of you AND a baby.

Whatever they've said in the past you can't force them to be delighted and enthusiastic, especially when you come across as hostile towards them.

I do think moving out ASAP is the way to go.

dirtybadger · 10/10/2018 22:49

Your age is relevant (IMO) for 2 reasons.

  1. If you're older then they're probably Hmm at you both living with them still and having a child yet having been unable to save for a rental deposit in X number of years
  2. If you're younger then they're probably just worried that it's too soon for their son (and you, but obviously he's their son so primary concern)

I think the bottom line is they probably haven't congratulated you because they aren't pleased. Not necessarily that they don't want a grandchild but I think most parents would be apprehensive about a grandchild living with them full time.

Once you've moved out things will probably be much easier.

Ellisandra · 10/10/2018 22:50

It’s OK to have s baby before you’re 30 “just as long as you can afford to have a roof over your head”

Confused isn’t that just the point?

Advanced search suggests your husband is 26, plenty old enough to have been working and saving in the last 2 years.

How much have you two saved?

Why on earth would you want to have a baby in a house with two adults who don’t like you, bully you, and at least one to know doesn’t want you there?

In 2 years of saving, you must have enough for a deposit and fees to rent privately.

If you’re young enough that your MIL can “insist” that you live there, you’re too young to be having a baby.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 10/10/2018 22:50

Are you married?

She did say husband in the first post but something tells me they didn't pay for the wedding if they are not prepared to move out and rent. The OP and her partner sound like they enjoy being given things rather than working for them.

civicxx · 10/10/2018 22:50

I think the interest in age is a big thing here because you seem extremely entitled & immature. You will be on a waiting list for a very long time I'm afraid. Do you and your partner work? & where in the uk are you? As I know even working families are often on the council list in London areas as the rent is just ridiculous on the private houses

TrippingTheVelvet · 10/10/2018 22:50

Just as long as you can afford a roof over your head and feed your family

But you can't do this Confused Your in-laws are until the state steps in and pays for you! Ridiculous.

winterisstillcoming · 10/10/2018 22:52

I actually think that YANBU if she encouraged you to have a baby whilst living with them. I'd just have it out with them with DP: ' are you ok? You don't seem as thrilled as I thought you'd be, especially after you said we can stay until the baby is a toddler if we need to. If you think we'd be any trouble, please let us know what we can do'. Maybe there is something going on that you don't know about.

Scrumymum · 10/10/2018 22:53

Does everyone have to wait till they’re 30 and have lots of money to have a child ? You don’t have to be well off. Just as long as you can afford to have a roof over your head and feed your family. Damn
... But as you have stated, you can't afford a roof over your head and feed your family, because you are relying on your in-laws and very soon you are relying on us tax-payers to house you and pay your benefits.

^ This is what is getting people angry, including your in-laws.

MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL !

Maelstrop · 10/10/2018 22:53

Why are you bringing a child into the world when you can’t afford to live independently? I don’t understand this.

SuperGekkoMuscles · 10/10/2018 22:57

Just as long as you can afford to have a roof over your head and feed your family.

But you can’t.

Yet for some reason you prioritised having a baby over affording your own place. What was the rush.

FrancisCrawford · 10/10/2018 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rebecca36 · 10/10/2018 22:58

Your age is relevant if you are so immature as to conceive a baby without having your own place. What's more, it doesn't have to be a grand place. Many of us started off in something small that needed doing up (but reasonably priced). Surely that would be better than living with parents for years.

Do you work, does your partner/husband?

SandAndSea · 10/10/2018 23:02

OP, re-read what you've written:

"I’ve been living with my in-laws for nearly 2 years now! ( frustrating)

she hasn’t mentioned anything at all to her son or me as if they want to just ignore it??

His dad didn’t even beleive us we told him he thought we were lying

Everyone is so happy for us apart from them.

I know they never liked me

our relationship isint that great

they’re jealous

I know they hate me

they’re talking behind my back

I’ve literally been bullied by all of them in this house I’ve been through so much.

They also don’t like me

I honestly don’t know how I’m going to live in this house with this baby it’s going to be tough"

I think it's time to move out.

Theyprobablywill · 10/10/2018 23:04

Have you posted about your relationship before? The situation and your posting style seem familiar.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 10/10/2018 23:05

You need to move out; even if you're renting for a bit. Either they weren't genuine about you having kids there or they have changed their minds when faced with the reality. It will be an awful experience living with them when they don't want you there; and it'll be trying on your relationship. It'll also be very stressful moving with a young baby, if you let things get that far.

Regardless of how old you are or how long you have been there, take heed of the fact that you've already overstayed your welcome with your FIL and rent somewhere until you get your council house (but know that may be a fair amount of time away).

namechangedtoday15 · 10/10/2018 23:07

OP you need to find a private rental with your husband and move out.

Original poster
Mumtobe99 · 10/10/2018 23:08

Don’t worry I’ve paid my taxes for many years it’s helped people in the same position as me.
And who said I was going to claim benefits on a council property I’m not that broke ..
It’s not my dream to live in a council house and it won’t be for long beleive me.
And yes I’ve saved enough for a deposit on a rented property and for the furniture etc but we’re not earning enough to be paying 800-1000+ a month and live comfortably we live in London!
Well not the moment anyway.

OP posts:
Witchend · 10/10/2018 23:13

Reality of council housing round here:

Family placed on witness protection with risk of danger if returns to original area, living with relatives overcrowding-8 people (6 adults) in a small 3 bed house with one dc with significant SEN. That took 8 months to get a council house.

If your area is similar you will be waiting far longer.

GemmeFatale · 10/10/2018 23:15

You could always leave London. Far cheaper places and then you could provide the roof for your child rather then depending on your partner’s parents.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 10/10/2018 23:15

You live in London and think you'll get a council house because you have a baby?

Your expectations need to be seriously adjusted.

Ellisandra · 10/10/2018 23:16

“I’ve paid my taxes for many years”

You haven’t, though - have you?
Not that I think social housing should be linked to what you’ve paid in, but I’m guessing from your attitude, your husband’s age and your photo on another thread that you’re 24 max. So not “many years” - and I’d be willing to bet that you haven’t been a net contributor for any of those years.

MissConductUS · 10/10/2018 23:18

They've realized that you're going to look at them as free live in childcare and that they're going to spend the next few years changing nappies.

Hooray.

MarthasGinYard · 10/10/2018 23:19

Blimey

Get your own place why on Earth are you there for two years already Confused

Original poster
Mumtobe99 · 10/10/2018 23:20

Yes I have paid my taxes and will always pay my taxes I’m not no scavenger when I do earn enough I will buy my own house one day.
You have time to be searching my username lol 😂

OP posts: