Handhold- telling H I want a divorce

[awesmum]

Handhold please
About to tell my H I want a divorce, he's mean, controlling, gaslighting, cruel to the kids, tiring, exhausting and doesn't stop talking at me. All wrapped up in 'I want what's right for everyone; everything I do is for everyone else; your selfish; not a team player; a thief; a liar; I always put everyone else first. You breathe too loudly; you walk too heavily; when you stand like that you look fat; don't say that; no you can't; you're disrespectful; I am the man of the house; these are my beliefs and my morals.'

I could and probably will go on ...

I have called the police and have an appointment with them tomorrow.

DS sitting with DD and I am putting DD2 to bed.

Thanks for your support people in my phone.

Well done op. Your behaviour is faultless.

Oh op I'm sorry you're going through this. 

Op. I’m glad you’re going to the police. Have you called women’s aid? They do an online programme called the Freedom programme that is great, but may not be a priority right now. You don’t have to agree to anything contact wise right now. Can you see a different solicitor if that is still a week away?

I'm so sorry OP. He is definitely escalating his behaviour. I hope the police make him leave. Please don't hold anything back from the police or minimise anything. Tell them you're afriad and of the locking of dd in the living room with him.

Show them the texts he sent you as well. Tell them everything, don’t minimise.
Remember he is your enemy and you need to get him out of the house.

Are you OK OP? How did the appointment with the police go?

Definitely get in touch with police, get as much support from friends and family as you can and if you haven't, the freedom programme xxx

Hello, glad it's a weekday - he's back at work, so get to see DD2, he's also taken to carrying her everywhere if he leave the sitting room with her.
Police went well, as he hasn't committed a crime they can't charge him with anything. I showed her the texts, the lists of tellings off I had and the list of the things wrong with the relationship which I had bed compiling for the past year, initially it was my list of what I need to improve on as told to me by him, which then became a list of WTAF am I putting up with. She was horrified, and was desperate to find me a solution, which is nice. Obviously currently there isn't one.
However it is registered for when I see the solicitor. I have been Grey Stoning it, but she reckons I should just call him on his threats - easier said than done, especially as I don't want it to escalate in front on the children.

I Took DD2 out Sunday to an event which was outside, surprisingly he had her winter coat in his car - he left before I did, he said it wasn't on purpose- I have my suspicions.

He hasn't spoken to the other children all weekend, despite them being home.

So on the whole still sitting in a state of nothingness, gathering information for various appointments to get out of this hell. While trying to avoid him at all costs, without putting myself on the back foot or allowing him control over us.

Rock = me = hard place.

Sending you a big hug! I'm so sorry that he's making your life so difficult xx

Can you get a job? Sign on to job seekers allowance? Anything to get money asap and get out even to a premier inn or something for a few weeks.

i thought emotional and psychological abuse is a crime now ?
Maybe it depends on how well your local police force are trained up on it.
Doesn’t seem right though.

Call SS and tell them he’s abusing his daughter.. locking her away from her siblings and you,forcing her to be with him , carrying her everywhere.
Tell them he’s causing distress and alarm to the rest of the household too and is there any way they can have him removed ( even temporary)?
Show them the texts.

I am also worried at the effect that this is having on the little DD, for her to grow into a well balanced adult I think the OP (in the future) should try and limit the H's access to her.
His behaviour is very worrying.

Hello op I just wanted to add my support and say how well you're doing. Even if you don't believe that, you are 

Am I alone in thinking his relationships with his dd is, well, odd

Thank you all for the support.
Still hanging on for the solicitors appointment. I am still getting texts, but ignoring them. Such things as pick one of the 50/50 options so I can leave. Like I actually want him here. My mum made a very good point of image you agreed to 50/50 and he moved across country with her, he doesn't have anywhere as far as I know but did ask for his passport yesterday, so that maybe a hint. I have DD's.

He's also suggested he gets the business and all money in savings, all furniture and I can keep the fridge and any furniture I bought before meeting him as this is fair .... 

I have been reconnecting with friends and family which has been nice, also trying to do activities with DD2 to get her involved with stuff, she's refusing to walk anywhere as he carries her everywhere, which is hard going as she's nearly 3. Also trying to stop the temper tantrums as he gives her what ever she wants whenever she wants it. It's hard going but will be worth it. Ironically we have friends who he doesn't like the children because they are so spoilt and difficult to be around and he's creating the same with DD2.

We'll get there though.

We're all still avoiding him like the plague. And he's still staring and humphing.

OP, don’t worry about custody for now.The court will decide in the best interests of dd.
Keep the texts as evidence to show your lawyer and the court.
Don’t agree to anything with him... which it doesn’t sound like you intend to anyway.
Sorry but I had to laugh re “You keep the fridge”
Show the lawyers.. they’ll laugh at him too!

@eggncress I know what you mean, it made me laugh too. I wonder if I get the contents too?

Oh the irony, he needs me to do something for him - he can now manage to ask me nicely and politely, but when I say no not now he doesn't understand why I don't jump too!

he needs me to do something for him

Translated - there is something he would like done and he doesn’t want to, or can’t, do it for himself. Well done for saying no. How did he react?

Just wanted to say dont compromise what’s best for your DD and it sounds as though 50/50 is not in her best interests. I’m in a similar position and just wanted to say hang in there too.

Oh he really needs me to do this, I am a signatory on a bank account that he can't access without my signature. He wants me to sign it over to his friend so I am not involved. There is a significant amount of cash in there.
He wouldn't leave when I asked, is still here thinking he's lord of the manor. Not paying bills again- it's the first of the month and I am having to cover them. And now he wants me to do something for him.
No he doesn't need access to the account to pay his bills, in case you thought that.

Well that is a little problem for him.

Hopefully it goes without saying @awesmum but pleased don't sign over any bank accounts to him or his friend!

Keep a note of all these requests, including the emails/texts to show your lawyer if need be

So he suddenly wants to pay some household bills and needs access to this bank account but can’t do so without your signature ?

Funny, that

That account will be cleared out if you sign.
No doubt you know not to sign.