Handhold- telling H I want a divorce

[awesmum]

Handhold please
About to tell my H I want a divorce, he's mean, controlling, gaslighting, cruel to the kids, tiring, exhausting and doesn't stop talking at me. All wrapped up in 'I want what's right for everyone; everything I do is for everyone else; your selfish; not a team player; a thief; a liar; I always put everyone else first. You breathe too loudly; you walk too heavily; when you stand like that you look fat; don't say that; no you can't; you're disrespectful; I am the man of the house; these are my beliefs and my morals.'

I could and probably will go on ...

I'm so happy that you're away from his abuse. No one deserves to live like that and you've been so strong for yourself and your children. You are an amazing woman!

Can he get access into your phone ?
if so he will be reading your incoming texts ?
He will read your emails if you are logged in on your phone
He can copy all your contacts
He can even send messages in your name to people or intercept your calls....

@Mix56 no I have the physical phone, he just has the number, which is because it's on the same contract. Which is fine, he can keep it. He won't get my new one number.

oof .

Just read through all this, you're amazing! Are you near Kent, @awesmum?

He won't get my new one number. exactly this is all his choice. So he now has to live the consequences.

He used to lock the freezer
You are doing amazing!
He on the other hand is a cun....

Lock the FREEZER!!!??? That's just sick.

I read your last update with such a smile. You're seeing it, aren't you? Really, really seeing your freedom. It's a wonderful feeling, isn't it?

Ah OP, can I just say I think you're fucking awesome I've just read this thread and you really have been doing brilliantly, good luck for the future 👊

(PS Your ex is a massive cockwomble, may the heavens open up and rain shit on him )

@ToeDust your eloquence speaks to my soul

2 houses is a pretty good parenting app. Don't remember having to put in a number. Pretty much removed all need for conversation.

Have you contacted the operator and asked them if they can do anything to help?

ThinkOfAWittyNameLater Why thank you, I'm very eloquent me, one of my many talents

@Thegoodthere a couple of hours away. Why's that? 

@Barmaid101 yes he really is a cun....

@AcrossthePond55 yes I am, I am seeing it and can nearly touch it! Nearly there!

@ToeDust I couldn't put it better myself!

@Wallywobbles yes I have been in contact - he owns the number as he's the lead on the contract, and they have to protect his data, despite the fact I can prove that I bought the number over to the account and I know the passwords/ numbers/ bank details/ etc etc. I even asked if I got a court order would they release it, the answer 'No'.
Thank you for the app suggestion. I may try that out.

Because I wanted to come and give you a massive hug (and also stand up to this bellend for you)! Wish I'd seen this thread months ago x

The end is in sight. You have come a long way. Well done

Keep on keeping on you're doing fantastic Awes!!

Ella, what are you on about?

Weejo39 ignore Ella. She was obviously bored last night and trawled MN and added this comment to a number of threads. I have reported them

Ella has spent a happy evening writing that on multiple posts. I think she wants a job with MN

Me too Gamba!

OP, I've just sat and read through your whole thread and I'm in awe of you!

I know you have a tough road ahead because of this narcissistic twunt but you have done an amazing job up until now and you will win in the end because your LO will always know she is safe with you.

Your children are awesome and you are a phenomenal mother. Please, please get on the Freedom programme when you have the head-space to help you with healthy future relationships.

In the meantime, keep doing what you're doing

His abuse was appalling. It's fantastic to hear how you are relishing your freedom!

Can't remember if it's been suggested already but have you considered doing the freedom programme to heal from the abuse? I've not done it myself, but I know several women who have and they can't recommend it enough...
www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

@Thegoodthere thank you

I obviously missed someone being a dick on here - oh well

I had court today, about access this time. He's demanding 5 nights one week 2 nights the following. I have refused, Cafcass agree with me, but it's not down to them. He rocked up with a Barrister, I represented myself, knowing nothing would be agreed to today and we would just be given a further court date. So he started in court again how I am dictating to him and how I wouldn't do mediation. Lol Twat - I did go to mediation they said it wasn't suitable because of his controlling behaviour and just because I don't agree with him doesn't make me dictating! Anyway the court told him off and asked if I was ok, said I shouldn't panic. He got told he needs to start being reasonable or he may end up not liking what he got. He walked out of court still having a go to which the Clerk turned around and said 'It's not the courts place to give you on going counselling!' I then had a solicitor come up to me and say 'Cor he's livid isn't he!' So the family court has the make of him. I said he'd shouted out in court despite having a barrister there they referred to this as an 'own goal' as he should NEVER shout out especially when being represented.
They put me in a room till he'd left as he was so angry.
Anyway, he has to now show the court he can be reasonable.
The current access is still in place unless between us we can agree to an alternative.

I was massively shaky in court after his out burst, which was evident to the court - then again after. I think my body had forgotten how to remain in tense mode and got all wobbly