Handhold- telling H I want a divorce

[awesmum]

Handhold please
About to tell my H I want a divorce, he's mean, controlling, gaslighting, cruel to the kids, tiring, exhausting and doesn't stop talking at me. All wrapped up in 'I want what's right for everyone; everything I do is for everyone else; your selfish; not a team player; a thief; a liar; I always put everyone else first. You breathe too loudly; you walk too heavily; when you stand like that you look fat; don't say that; no you can't; you're disrespectful; I am the man of the house; these are my beliefs and my morals.'

I could and probably will go on ...

Well, hope for the best prepare for the worst, right? You've pretty much always known he isn't going to make this easy. But the things most worth having usually aren't easy, are they? He's probably gotten his way by being obstructive, obstreperous, and abusive since his nursery days. He's simply using the tactics that have worked for him, and have worked on you, in the past.

The twat will have to be dragged kicking and screaming each step of the way, like a tantrumming toddler (which is what he is). Not easy nor fun but that's what your solicitor is for. And eventually you will have a permanent access order in place that you can point to and say "This is what the schedule is".

Listen to your solicitor and others involved, stick to your guns as they advise it, and you'll get through this.

Did you manage to get your house and car key back yet? You'd have thought his solicitor would have had him turn them over then and there (in court) or bring them by his/her office the next day!

Perhaps him starting to breech court orders is actually a good thing? When you go to court for access, it'll give the judge a clear picture of his character.

@AcrossthePond55 I got one of the house keys back in court - he's taken the spare key as well before he left. I still haven't had my car key back, i do mean the double not my key. I am not contacting my solicitor about it yet as I know he's about to kick off about access with DD3 this weekend, as I have tried to sort out contact going forward but he's refusing what I suggest.

@Mrsmummy90 he really is the most difficult man ever, all week I have thought the same thing, thinking about all the rows and arguments he insisted on having with everyone for absolutely no reason apart from 'Why do I always have to put up with things?' Even stupid things like not letting another car pull out. He thrives on drama and arguing. I hate it.
Yes he does stamp his feet and is massively obstructive and obstreperous!

On wards and upwards, apart from the periodic sad feeling of 'what could have been' then a little shake of myself and realisation that it was his fault not mine, I really tried, he didn't and he will NEVER change. I am feeling a lot more positive.

I have a new bed turning up next week and am getting all new bedding for it this weekend- all untouched by him. Funny how those little things help isn't it.

OP I have just read this thread from start to update. It's been a rollercoaster. I have been so angry on your behalf and so amazed at how strong you and your DC have been.

You're so strong and from your posts you can see the evolution of you from a bullied wife to a strong independent woman! You should be proud you've escaped a relationship with such a horrible, bitter man. I will keep following for updates on your custody battle. We are all supporting you!

I am not contacting my solicitor about it yet as I know he's about to kick off about access with DD3

Well, IDK. I'd probably figure let's get all the shit over with at once. So, give me my keys AND this is when you can have DD this weekend. But maybe I'm a glutton for punishment!

So he still has a house key AND a car key? What an absolute jerk! You just wonder what goes through their heads sometimes, don't you? What on earth does he think he's accomplishing other than making himself look like a pathetic lump.

Yes to new bedding! Nothing nicer than a fresh set of sheets that are just yours 😊

I remember the joy of new bedding, ones I loved not just liked enough. I'd plan a nice walk for the weekend if it's dry enough, nothing beats fresh air for clearing stress from your body.

@Disfordarkchocolate exactly my plan this weekend, a run tomorrow morning in the fresh air.

The irony- I have just been called dictatorial by him via my solicitor as when he said he wants her every other weekend Friday to Monday and every Tuesday to Thursday and I said 'No' apparently I am dictatorial! And I am in breach of the court order put in place last week- I asked if his solo had read the court order it stated 'neither party is to intimidate, harass or pester the other party'. I just said 'No'. She's apparently going to bring this up in court next time. If anyone has breached the court order it is him - where's my car key! I am going to save that one for next week.

Does that mean some weeks you hardly see her at all? That's dictatorial!

@Disfordarkchocolate -exactly!!

In fact I have just re read the email he suggests 3 nights at his every other weekend then 3 nights at his one week and 2 nights the next. So in total 6 nights one week 5 nights the following at his.

Bloody hell he is an arrogant prick isn't he. No way will that be looked at as reasonable when you next get to court.

Does he know you are working and is looking for CM if he has her that much??? And ho is he going to care for her ?

That's what it is! He knows the more he has her, the less maintenance he'll have to pay. Based on his ridiculous schedule, he probably wouldn't have to pay anything as he'd have her more than 50% of the time.

So he thinks you're 'dictatorial', does he? Well, that's better than being what he is, just a plain DICK!

How is he going to car for her and work?
Get your keys back

The nasty behaviour gets sneaky -

Still no keys! I have spoken to my solicitor and asked them to mention it and that he's now in breach of the court order.

He has now cut my mobile phone off, it was in contract still and in the business name, so now no phone - he's shot himself in the foot as I can't answer phone calls nor emails from my solicitor when he demands access. I have asked for the PAC code. He may refuse- but if he does he'll never know what my new number is.

I got a letter from the court the other day asking for my plea over speeding and refusal to give my information - in his car! During the day, when he was driving it. They have photos- hopefully face of so you can see it's not me.

He has made £100 worth of charges on apps on his phone in the last 2 weeks and charged them to my PayPal account. I have had it refunded.

I am neither stressing over any of this it is furthering my thoughts of what a Twat!

On a positive I had my new bed delivered today, with new bedding, duvet, pillows, bedside tables and my room looks amazing.

List all the things he is doing- using your PayPal account and keeping the keys.
Also if it is his car- why are the Court writing to you? You must respond to the COurt but ask solicitor for advice as it might be an demonstration of his dishonesty if he has tried to blame you.

It's a company car. So he said I was using it for work. I assume anyway. It is a failure to provide information. I think they caught him speeding asked for the drivers details- he gave mine. Then as I knew nothing about it I haven't responded and it's gone to court.

I hope you have evidence that you were not driving because if so he has really messed up, just look what happened to the MP for Peterborough who is currently in prison.

So he is committing fraud...

Do you still work for him?

@RandomMess no I don't. I have a new job.

So why would you have been driving the car

He's unhinged!

Wow! I didn’t think it was possible but hes making himself look a complete fuckwit.

Make sure all of this is logged with your solicitor and you take to court with you