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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Handhold- telling H I want a divorce

965 replies

awesmum · 05/10/2018 09:12

Handhold please
About to tell my H I want a divorce, he's mean, controlling, gaslighting, cruel to the kids, tiring, exhausting and doesn't stop talking at me. All wrapped up in 'I want what's right for everyone; everything I do is for everyone else; your selfish; not a team player; a thief; a liar; I always put everyone else first. You breathe too loudly; you walk too heavily; when you stand like that you look fat; don't say that; no you can't; you're disrespectful; I am the man of the house; these are my beliefs and my morals.'

I could and probably will go on ...

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 09/01/2019 13:53

Yes, for all the jokes make about 'shark lawyers' etc, a good one is worth their weight in gold! (Which is about their going rate. Ba-dum-TISH!)

Original poster
awesmum · 09/01/2019 20:08

@Palaver1 having that barrier between us is massively helpful. His solicitor can deal with his temper tantrums.

@AcrossthePond55 since the New Year my solicitor has been really on the ball - must be his New Years resolution! I shall have to ensure everything is done this month before he starts slacking!

Little update for you-
STBXH at the last email to my solicitor said my offer of eow and every weekend was not acceptable. His solicitor said they would contact mine beginning of this week with what he wanted, both bits from the house and access. Well we've heard nothing. So that means he didn't even see DD2 this evening. I have never wanted to stop him from seeing her at all. She is however doing exceptionally well, she's not as clingy or tearful, she's eating better, sleeping better, having fun and interacting better with her siblings and a lot less tantrums and shouting at people. She generally a lot calmer and happier.

His solicitor has also told him to sign off the tenancy immediately, he should have had the paperwork yesterday (so much for his claim that he's had legal advice to stay on it!)

Also big news, I had my first interview in an awful lot of years (15+) yesterday, and got a job offer today and I start work next week!

OP posts:
GhengisCalm · 09/01/2019 20:10

Congratulations, best of luck in your new job.

RandomMess · 09/01/2019 20:22

Congratulations!!!!!

I'm sure his solicitor is rolling his eyes and telling him that the contact suggested is appropriate.

Ozziewozzie · 09/01/2019 20:24

Hi there. I’ve been in exactly the same situation as you with 3 kids. I went to my local city council and they contacted woman’s aid for me. Try that if you can’t get through. I was safe within 24 hours. Keep your toddler with you. Do not trust him at all. Do not share any plans with him.
Just go. No warning and don’t look back.
It’s not mean. It’s standing up for yourself and your children.

pajamallama · 09/01/2019 20:33

I've been following this thread and I wanted to say you are amazing! I'm so happy for you!

HazelBite · 09/01/2019 20:46

Congratulations on the new job!!

Mrsmummy90 · 09/01/2019 20:54

Congratulations!!

So happy to hear that dd is doing better xx

Moviestar · 09/01/2019 21:53

Delighted to hear your news OP ,you are a fantastic and strong woman.
💐💐💐💐💐💐💐🌸

Palaver1 · 09/01/2019 22:14

The only way is up ...well done well done

AcrossthePond55 · 10/01/2019 01:01

@awesmum

Girl, you have GOT this!!!!! Now get up and DANCE because you deserve a celebration!!!!!

Weenurse · 10/01/2019 04:00

Congratulations on the job. 💐

MumsyJ · 10/01/2019 04:12

Massive congratulations. 2019 looking good already. Everything will work out for your good. Well done girl Wine.

oatmilk4breakfast · 10/01/2019 06:08

Congratulations on the job that’s brilliant - well done!!

Furble · 10/01/2019 06:33

Huge Congratulations OP! Fantastic start to 2019 which is going to be your year! We’re all here cheering you on from the sidelines xx

Mix56 · 10/01/2019 08:25

AWESOME !

ThinkOfAWittyNameLater · 10/01/2019 08:26

Fab news! Congratulations !!

hallodarknessmyoldfriend · 10/01/2019 09:52

Congratulations!! Flowers

pointythings · 10/01/2019 10:21

Brilliant news! One interview and straight into a job - that just proves how capable you are. Keep going from strength to strength.

smartiecake · 10/01/2019 15:29

Fantastic news on your new job. Brilliant, you are doing so well

WhoKnewBeefStew · 10/01/2019 20:58

Awesome news on the job offer OP

Haffdonga · 11/01/2019 11:43

Brilliant!

Original poster
awesmum · 11/01/2019 17:01

Tha
Thank you all for the congratulations. We are all feeling pretty positive in the house at the moment, it seems that we are all getting positive news, DS got himself a part time job and DD18 just had her uni offer she wanted. DD11 came home with a great school report too. It's like positivity is breeding positivity.

I am currently sitting here reading emails sent from STBXH solicitor to mine and marvelling at him attempting to gaslight my solicitor! He's trying to have DD2 this weekend as well as last weekend. I have said a firm no, however been generous and offered him some time over the weekend as it is DD2's Birthday. But he's insisting on the whole thing.

OP posts:
HazelBite · 11/01/2019 17:09

Awesmum, does he not appreciate that he is not her only parent? Its like he wants "exclusive rights" to her!

RandomMess · 11/01/2019 17:16

There is always a trip to Costa for a cuppa and free WiFi Wink

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