Are these red flags? I’m not over reacting here am I?

[PumpkinPiePlease]

I really need some perspective here as I feel like I’m going mad.

Ive been dating a guy for three months and it’s been quite intense from the start. I like him, he’s attractive and funny and we get on well but I think I’ve dropped a bollock on this one as I’ve chosen to overlook some things that are red flags. I’m thibking I should end things before they go any further and just wanted some perspective.

He is extremely bitter about his exes. One beat him up, another cheated on him, the last one left him and broke his heart. He went on a bit of a rant the other day about the last one and said she nagged him all the time, her family took him for granted, she was shallow, she had depression, her Mum was ill and everything revolved around this.

I feel like he’s overshared heavy information too quickly. Things like his abusive childhood, family disputes, past misdemeanours etc all the while telling me he has never divulged this information to any other girlfriends/ lovers so early on. Meanwhile he says I’m a closed book and too private.

He has made comments such as:
‘The first time we slept together I thought you had dirt on your thigh’ (it’s a birthmark)
‘You cum very quickly/you make a lot of noise don’t you’ (maybe overreacting on this but felt like he was comparing me to other people he’s slept with)
‘You have such a beautiful face but your lips are very thin’
‘Have I got the biggest penis out of everyone you slept with?’
‘You’ve got a bogey/spot/mark on your face. Just telling you so you know’
‘I thought you were a stuck up cow on our first date but I thought maybe you were nervous’ (incidentally he told me that when he first met me he rang his best friend on the way home and was raving about how nice I was)

The problem is I’ve mentioned these things to him and I now feel he’s got the upper hand as he keeps saying I make mountains out of molehills, take things the wrong way and, worst of all, that he feels like he has to walk on eggshells around me. He says he can tell I like to argue that I’m stubborn and have a mean streak in me. I’m bloody mortified and feel really on the back foot here - am I really such a massive bitch for pulling him up?

I find him very atttactive and am worried I’ve stayed this far out of lust. I need some wise words here on what to do next.

Run very fast in the opposite direction

Oh who knows about red flags

What I can tell you is that he sounds profoundly unpleasant and I’m baffled that you’re with him.

Walk away. Quite fast. He's rude and then minimises your feelings. He might possibly be the biggest prick you've seen this year, in fact.

Could he have something like aspergers?

Bin him.

Sounds a wanker. Run.

He sounds horrible.

You are not overreacting. Run.

He sounds like a prize twat! If he's making you uncomfortable now, imagine 6,12 months and further.....
Get out now!!

He sounds unkind. The worst one IMO is telling you that you have a 'mean streak'. What a horrible thing to say to someone!

Have you heard the saying

When someone shows you who they are, believe them

You're a closed book and too private..

He wants you to tell him your deepest darkest secrets where he will act sympathetic then at a later date will use them against you.. do not tell him anything!

Sounds like an absolute arsehole. You are right to walk away from this one.

Three months. He should be making you feel like he can't believe his luck. Instead he's making you feel shit about yourself. Dump him.

Get out now before it goes any further. He's got a lot of problems. Some of the things he's told you are probably lies; he's bitter and I'd be concerned about his MH, tbh. It would be interesting to hear what his exes' would have to say about him.

Could he have something like aspergers?

@Yeah.

Or have he could just be awful.

HisName not sure. He did say he thinks he’s got ADHD but he’s never had a formal diagnosis. He then googled the characteristics, asked if I thought he had any of them and I said possibly. He keeps bringing it up saying I’ve told him he’s mentally ill and that I’m out of order!

Run for the fecking hills! Surely being single is better that that?

Cider

I’ve fallen into that trap already. My DF has Parkinson’s and I told BF about it - he didn’t seem particularly interested tbh.

My abusive ex said to me "don't tell anyone but I have Aspergers." Turned out he self diagnosed via an internet questionnaire

I don't know why they need to make you believe they have mh issues but it appears it's some sort of plan to get you hooked..

Exactly what Cider said. Run. Being single is way preferable to this arse.

There was a thread this morning with almost the exact same situation. It has great advice on it, I'll see if I can find it.....

My ex wanted to know all about my ex's and then later on acted jealous.. over people I was with over a decade ago..

In the end I had to make out it was in the dark and I wasn't fully naked otherwise he would flip into a jealous rage!

Op please get rid now.. x

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3384373-What-would-you-think-to-these-comments-Am-I-being-sensitive

Sorry I know I’m ranting here but it’s helping to offload.

He insinuated he might have a serious illness the other day too. We were chatting and he forgot something that I’d slready told him in a previous conversation. I made a joke about it and he said ‘it’s not funny. I’m worried. I keep forgetting things and I keep getting bad headaches. I think somethings wrong.’ He made me feel a right arsehole.

Looks like it’s back to the single life for me...