Are these red flags? I’m not over reacting here am I?

[PumpkinPiePlease]

I really need some perspective here as I feel like I’m going mad.

Ive been dating a guy for three months and it’s been quite intense from the start. I like him, he’s attractive and funny and we get on well but I think I’ve dropped a bollock on this one as I’ve chosen to overlook some things that are red flags. I’m thibking I should end things before they go any further and just wanted some perspective.

He is extremely bitter about his exes. One beat him up, another cheated on him, the last one left him and broke his heart. He went on a bit of a rant the other day about the last one and said she nagged him all the time, her family took him for granted, she was shallow, she had depression, her Mum was ill and everything revolved around this.

I feel like he’s overshared heavy information too quickly. Things like his abusive childhood, family disputes, past misdemeanours etc all the while telling me he has never divulged this information to any other girlfriends/ lovers so early on. Meanwhile he says I’m a closed book and too private.

He has made comments such as:
‘The first time we slept together I thought you had dirt on your thigh’ (it’s a birthmark)
‘You cum very quickly/you make a lot of noise don’t you’ (maybe overreacting on this but felt like he was comparing me to other people he’s slept with)
‘You have such a beautiful face but your lips are very thin’
‘Have I got the biggest penis out of everyone you slept with?’
‘You’ve got a bogey/spot/mark on your face. Just telling you so you know’
‘I thought you were a stuck up cow on our first date but I thought maybe you were nervous’ (incidentally he told me that when he first met me he rang his best friend on the way home and was raving about how nice I was)

The problem is I’ve mentioned these things to him and I now feel he’s got the upper hand as he keeps saying I make mountains out of molehills, take things the wrong way and, worst of all, that he feels like he has to walk on eggshells around me. He says he can tell I like to argue that I’m stubborn and have a mean streak in me. I’m bloody mortified and feel really on the back foot here - am I really such a massive bitch for pulling him up?

I find him very atttactive and am worried I’ve stayed this far out of lust. I need some wise words here on what to do next.

If you've tried to open the videos and they won't play, he may well have installed something on your PC which has given him access. Get your PC checked out ASAP!

You've now found out the man's a total nutter, just remember the earlier stuff too so you don't get into a similar situation again.

Yes police and then don't engage with this saddo.

You’ve blocked him. Awesome! Now the important bit: Do not cave!

He’ll be on your doorstep like a sad, pathetic, wet rat. He’ll make you feel so sorry for him with his broken man schtick. Do not cave. Go no contact, seriously. This is harsh advice but believe me, guys like him have a ticker tape parade of burnt-out lovers and girlfriends for a reason. Guys like this are not cut out for loving relationships.

This is not your fault and not your problem to fix. Stay strong, OP. Give no more of yourself to this head-wrecking time-bandit.

And it REALLY doesn’t matter if he has Aspergers/ADHD/Whatever... he’s got major cleft-arseholitis. No cure/therapy for that one. Don’t rationalise his behaviour by ‘diagnosing’ what is clearly a straightforward dickhead. Bin this obstacle on your path.

Oh my God. Just read your update.
I’m 46 now but when I was 27/28 I went through an almost exact replica of your scenario. The guy did exactly what yours is doing. We broke up... badly. No social media back then but he flew to my family’s home in California ‘for work in L.A.’, just stopped in to see my family (most of whom never knew about him- it had been an 8 month messy relationship full of gaslighting, insults, ‘poor me the victim’ sob story bullshit). He had Easter dinner with my family and proceeded to tell them all sorts about me! Lies of course, but still. He stalked me. Stalked my male friends. Stalked my future husband. We left the UK for three years (not because of this, but it helped us to ‘lose the scent’).
Be incredibly careful. This goes without saying. Have you shared this with friends and family in real life?

I hope you are okay @pumpkinpieplease

This guy sounds dangerous please don't underestimate what he could be capable of.
If he turns up at your door don't hesitate to call the police and as a pp said see if you can have a friend or family member stay with you for a few days or better still you with them. What an awful and frightening situation to be in. Please be careful and stay safe he is a nasty piece of shit and 'men' like him could turn violent so again, don't hesitate to call the police.

I hope you managed to get to the police station and report of this.
And well done on blocking him.
Keep ignoring him but definitely report his harassment.
There is something very wrong with him.
Lucky escape for you.

I hope the police are helpful.