Shall I assume my date is off tonight

[ijustcantdate]

Been seeing s guy a few weeks, been in contact about 7 weeks but seen him 3 times in last 10 days, pretty much in constant contact been bit more quite this week as he's been on a course.

Anyway arranged to go out tonight and he asked me to book he was messaging as usual last night until 11ish I then went to sleep and woke this morning to 3 messages from him just saying night and hoping I had nice evening etc.

Anyway messaged him this morning telling him I had booked table for 7.30 he read it at 11.30 and to date hasn't responded, unusual as I always get a good morning message etc and he's been online a few tones since then so really do reason to not confirm. so now idea if he's picking me up etc or what time, reluctant to get ready and starting to get the hump... I really don't want to message again as hate the thought of chasing him.

WTF do I do? Give him till 4 and if not heard just assume it's off?

So what happened?

Place marking as I want to know what happened 😁

Totally agree, Redtartanshoes

And checking when someone is online is controlling obsessive behaviour.

This thread says far more about you than it does about him unfortunately

If a guy text me and said “Is your messenger broken” if I don’t respond to a text It would be a massive red flag to me. Total controlling behaviour and sarcastic with it

I have a life, a job, friends, family and won’t have someone I’ve known 7 weeks have a sly dig if I don’t respond to a text that actually didn’t need a response in their time frame. No thanks

This ^

That said, I hope all went well and you enjoyed your date OP.

And checking when someone is online is controlling obsessive behaviour

On messenger and whatsapp it tells you when they were last online. It tells you if they've received and/or read your message. It's a bit OTT to call it controlling! Obsessive, maybe, but she was reasonable in expecting a reply and checking to see if he had replied imo.

@adaline. I’m not assuming anything. The OP says this is what he normally does. His own past actions. Texts haven’t been mysteriously lost in the ether in the past, he isn’t too busy to text some days, all the other legitimate excuses people have suggested.... that is not what has happened in this relationship.

Personally, I’d be overwhelmed with the amount of texting but the OP is comfortable with it.

So no, I don’t he’s suddenly developed technical issues.

How did it work out?

So to all those saying that he was a twat for not responding to OP’s text, what does that make the OP for not responding to his texts the night before?

She was tired so it’s presumably ok for her to have not responded but not ok for him to have not responded on the basis he was busy? Double standards abound here.

How did your date go op? X

Yeah where did yo my go OP? 😂

*you

why phone? Why did you put that?

Update op - invested folks here!!

It must have been good!

subspace

If WhatsApp she’ll have had to go into his message to see he’s online. Numerous times given she says he’s been online most of the day.

“You’ve been online loads but never responded to me” is controlling behaviour imo

Asking if his messenger is broken when she knows it isn’t as he has been online most of the day is also controlling. And arsey

Sorry only just seen all the messages

Went for dinner was nice and had good evening. He spoke about going away for weekend in 6 weeks

Maybe it was just a total oversight not confirming to my earlier message but it was a definite change in behaviour so I will be keeping a eye on it over next few weeks, possibly I did just jump to conclusions and I will be happily proved wrong, but intend to watch his actions over the next few weeks and see

It does sound like you felt a definite change, so you’re right to be aware of that. Not necessarily signalling doom though, so try not to panic and let it become a self fulfilling prophesy!

Could just be that he got stuck into a rhythm of messaging that you both can’t get out of without it feeling awkward. Or him just mirroring you pulling back the night before )by falling asleep!).

If your opinion of your relationship is based on the speed or regularity of his texts, then you will be wasting a lot of energy on the wrong thing. Open and direct communication is the only sensible way forward. If something bothers you, then just speak directly to him. Mind games are useless and often sixth sense simply mirrors our hardwire insecurities. Gut feeling is good but gut feeling is no exact science. It can be as often wrong as it is right.

If my husband had to judge me by the speed and regularity of my responses and changes in these, then we would have never gotten together or we would have been divorced long ago.

Some people are unlikely to keep up the intensity of text messages and phone calls as in the first few weeks of a relationship. After a while for some of us, it can feel too much.

Glad the date went well. Good to keep an eye on this as you say and fingers crossed this is anomalous. At the same time, if this develops and it settles into a relationship, the level of messaging may need to calm down if this activity is not normal for him. People are on their best behaviour at the start and trying to second guess the other. Hence best to play it a little cooler if things shift (I recommended texting rather than calling) and let things settle rather than overreact.

But always keep monitoring. All the best.

And, his explanation for causing you all this angst was?

Or, did you not raise it with him and you happily accepted the dangling carrot of a holiday in 6 weeks’ time?

This is nothing against you, but my god, technology has turned normal people into stalkers.

It's why I don't do so many things like whatsapp etc, the fact you can see his activity throughout the day and when he reads texts. It's so intrusive and I'm sure is making people quite crazy.

And, his explanation for causing you all this angst was?

He didn't cause her any angst - he just didn't reply to her text straight away, and instead waited until he'd finished work. Which is a completely normal, rational thing to do. Just because he was showing as online, doesn't mean he was a) actually active on WhatsApp or b) free to have a conversation with her.

This is why I don't use WhatsApp and turn off read-receipts and my online status on messenger. I want to be able to reply when I choose to, not just because I happen to be online or using my phone. I don't want people messaging me saying "is your messenger broken?" because I didn't text back within a specified time-frame!

Sorry only just seen all the messages - says the OP

“He didn't cause her any angst - he just didn't reply to her text straight away, and instead waited until he'd finished work. Which is a completely normal, rational thing to do. ”

How do you know? Because I assumed starting a thread on a public Internet forum asking for anonymous feedback on a situation meant angst. What, you ask for strangers on a public forum their opinion when you’re confident?!