Shall I assume my date is off tonight

[ijustcantdate]

Been seeing s guy a few weeks, been in contact about 7 weeks but seen him 3 times in last 10 days, pretty much in constant contact been bit more quite this week as he's been on a course.

Anyway arranged to go out tonight and he asked me to book he was messaging as usual last night until 11ish I then went to sleep and woke this morning to 3 messages from him just saying night and hoping I had nice evening etc.

Anyway messaged him this morning telling him I had booked table for 7.30 he read it at 11.30 and to date hasn't responded, unusual as I always get a good morning message etc and he's been online a few tones since then so really do reason to not confirm. so now idea if he's picking me up etc or what time, reluctant to get ready and starting to get the hump... I really don't want to message again as hate the thought of chasing him.

WTF do I do? Give him till 4 and if not heard just assume it's off?

OP is doing to us what this chap is doing to her!!

Please do not message him again, he knows what time, leave it to him. If he is a no show at least you know, go out with your friends instead.

Just text and say what time are you planning to pick me up! I think it's an over reaction

Any update OP?

Call him!

If the normal mode of communication is text, then OP should just text to confirm. If there is no response, there is OP's answer.

I don't agree with phoning. That ups the ante and puts way too much on the line that OP and this bloke may not be able to come back from. I think it would be overreacting to call in this situation.

Internet dating is not like the dating of days past. People suddenly disappear for whatever reason. The point is not to get too emotionally over-invested or show it.

Heard back about hour ago when I messaged saying "is your messenger broken?" (Couldn't help being off )

Got a response saying just finishing work I will be back shortly then went in to say what time he would pick me up

Still feel things a bit off as he's messaged me good morning and all through day/evening for last 7 weeks, so think it's strange he choose today not to bother, and he's been online throughout the day so not like he wasn't and could of sent that this morning.... also he's been online ever 5 mins or so since and not talking to me!!

Just a gut feeling here

I'm really glad that 189 different posters suggested that the OP just ring him . However, I imagine the OP actually thought of that and decided that she didn't want to do it!

Ringing might be the straightforward thing to so, but I think it's disingenuous to pretend that it's the easiest option when you're feeling on the back foot in a new relationship, and you think you might be getting ditched for the evening.

Why ring over text? Surely if she asks an explicit enough question - the mode of communication is irrelevant

Sometimes my texts arrive hours after they were sent. Or a few times not at all. If it's a time sensitive issue, I would always ring.

x-post with OP!

Hope your date goes well OP. Try not to over think it all...social media can be a nightmare for this kind of thing. Judge him on how he treats you; not how quickly he answers text messages.

And also, my dh often writes texts and forgets to 'send'

OP, I know it's very hard not to (under the circumstances) but if you're monitoring whether he's on/off line, I'm not convinced you're entirely happy with the relationship?

OP, you sound like hard work.

I don't think the OP sounds like hard work, but she does sound a bit unsure about things (and female intuition is rarely wrong).

Coffeepot72 up until today I didn't and I wash I didn't.... makes me really over analyse thing.

Just a a string of bad luck with men last one that met my kids and was talking about marriage etc was actually leading a double life and was married with 3 kids... after 3 years I've only got back into dating the last 6 months and so far just a bunch of losers that ghost me, just want sex etc.... so it's hard not to, up until today he's given me know reason to worry

Instant messaging seems to have made dating so complicated!

What this thread boils down to is "there was a gap of a few hours in our conversation". Apart from that, nothing out of the ordinary has occurred.

He may have been using the phone for work and sorting stuff out? Getting stuff done so he could enjoy tonight? However, a quick message asking what time to pick you up would only have taken 5 seconds.

Hope you have a great time op.

It's not about them acting wrongly, it's about them acting differently.

It's that subtle hint that something's changed.

Good luck OP.

Always listen to your gut. If you carry on seeing him he'll do this more often or there'll be a kind of lightbulb moment when you remember this day and think oh god I should have dumped him back then!
He thinks he's got you hooked now so doesn't need to make as much effort. Unfortunately this seems to be what a lot of men do with dates. Really keen then suddenly back off at 100mph and then when you call them on it they make out you're needy it's not needy or hard work to know where you stand and where you're up to. At best this is a lack of respect for you and your time. I'd cancel with a migraine or something and see how he reacts to that. I have a feeling he'll be pissed off.

I never want to date again!!

Have a nice meal, OP. Hope your "gut" is wrong.

At best this is a lack of respect for you and your time. I'd cancel with a migraine or something and see how he reacts to that. I have a feeling he'll be pissed off

Why the game playing? I'm honestly not sure what he's done wrong apart from not immediately replying to a message that clearly didn't require an immediate reply!

Because her gut is trying to tell her something and guts tell us things because we need to know to protect ourselves. I personally would end things with him but that's the benefit of hindsight talking here. Is certainly never allow anyone to keep me hanging for hours when they have been on their phone on and off all day and they know you can see that. It's him playing the control and can't be arsed game. I've no time for it. But as a kinder get out of the date whilst I really think about this I'd be cancelling and saying I was unwell or possibly that he'd left it too late to confirm and I'd made other plans depending on how I felt.

It's all so complicated these days isn't it. I'm not sure I could cope with dating anymore knowing when to message, when not to message, how long to leave between messages etc.
I think a good morning message every morning would drive me nuts 😂.
Relax and enjoy your meal out tonight OP.

I'm all for listening to instinct, but a ridiculous amount of importance is placed on how quickly someone replies to a text message these days.

When did that suddenly become a barometer of respect, kindness, affection, whatever?

Is certainly never allow anyone to keep me hanging for hours when they have been on their phone on and off all day and they know you can see that

Me and my friends/family can take days hours to reply. Life is busy, stuff happens.

I just think it's a very limited way of assessing someone. To end a relationship over taking too long to reply to one message seems a bit OTT to me.

If you keep picking the same type of bloke you're going to get the same result

Look for something different next time