Experience of relationship counselling?

[Smozzles]

Howdy! So, my husband and I had our first session of marriage counselling. We're at two very different stages. I have one foot out of the marriage to be honest. He has a quick temper and it's not scary; just tiresome and counter-productive. I've lost a lot of affection for him as a result, even though I still love him and find him attractive...a bit complicated, I know.

After 1 long session (1.5 hours), I feel wrecked. I sort of feel, 'why should I have to undergo all this therapy when he is the one with the problem?' I know that sounds like I'm being a brat but I hope I'm not. I've been seeing an individual therapist for months and the therapist has been calling my husband verbally abusive. My husband says that's because it's totally one-sided and he's not hearing his side of the story. Meanwhile, when I told the marriage therapist that my husband shouts and curses at me, she said, 'and what do you do that's not healthy?' I answered the question honestly by saying I find it hard to let things go. I know therapists have to ascertain what they're dealing with but looking back on the session, I just feel enraged by that. I think my husband needs individual counselling, not marriage counselling.

I also feel depleted and exhausted. Have any of you had a positive outcome from couples' counselling? Do you see its worth?

Exactly @butterballs9!

@butterballs9

That sounds like an awful experience. What a dysfunctional organisation.

Thanks for the encouragement. Sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to emotionally cope with all of this. It's going to be very tough indeed. I took off a family member's for the weekend and the time apart has done me the world of good.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who posted on this thread. It got me through a tough time. Even though it's still a tough time, I think I need to try to tackle it myself now for the next few months. I'm really not sure how I'm going to muster up the strength for this.

The past few years have been hard for various reasons and I thought life was eventually calming down. But I suppose, if hard times can surprise you, good times can surprise you too; so hopefully once I get over the logistics of leaving and once H eventually accepts what's happening, the future will be brighter. Hopefully I'll be able to post an update in a few months time and I'll be in a more powerful place by then.

Thanks again from the bottom of my heart.

Good luck

Thank you xx

You too. xx

Good luck and remember you are stronger than you think

Thanks @Misty9. I hope you're right. My head's been in a spin lately!

The hour in there, and the spin my Ex put on our marriage, made my mind up and I told him to leave that wvening. So, for me, it was very helpful!

sorry you're going through that. We went to relationship counselling and I was half way out the door and the councillor new that straight away. I wouldn't shoulder any of the blame at that point and made it all about how shit of a partner he was. Hindsight showed we were both responsible for the breakdown but that's a beautiful thing I suppose. I'd maybe try single counselling and then counselling together. If you're wanting her to validate you or agree with you it won't happen they an see it the way you really can't when you're so focused on the flaws and getting out. Good luck!

Thanks for your input. It wasn't for H and me. It wasn't what we needed. I think I knew that before I even went in there. All the best.

@Smozzles I know you haven't posted on here for a long time, but how did this go? I literally could've written this whole thread- I'm In the exact same abusive situation with my partner but I'm struggling to bite the bullet and have done. Plus we have a baby which just throws more complications into the mix!