Is this a dealbreaker? Boyfriend met my mum and it was a disaster

[DownAndOut1]

Could do with some perspective here please. Been with my boyfriend three months, we are both early thirties. He introduced me to his family quite early on and when I met them I brought flowers for his Mum and was polite etc.

He’s been really keen to meet my parents and so I arranged for him to meet my mum yesterday. He’s been saying he’s really excited etc and to be honest, out of both of us he’s been the one who’s been pushing our relationship along and wanting to meet each other’s family and friends.

He came round to mine yesterday evening straight from work, my mum was here waiting to meet him. He has a manual job and turned up in his work clothes, filthy, covered in dust and hadn’t shaved. He looked a mess. He hadn’t brought anything for my Mum and was quite cocky the whole evening. This is a man who takes a lot of pride in his appearance usually so I have no idea what he was playing at.

I asked him about it this morning and he said he was keen to come round and meet her and spend as much time with us as possible, instead of going home first and making himself presentable. He keeps saying how much he likes my mum and he’s so pleased he’s met her.

I’m seriously considering ending things as I think he was so disrespectful. Is that petty? I just feel sad that he didn’t think he needed to make any effort.

I'd dump any man who went out for dinner with me wearing a tracksuit.

Oh. Just rtft. He's a 30something man and his mum makes his lunch? He wore a tracksuit to a restaurant? I take it all back!

Right, read all of it now.

LTB for sure

At first I thought YWBU as gifts and what you look like are just not important imo. However, he seems to have made a point of behaving differently on the occasion of meeting his gf’s mum for first time! I’d definitely have it out with him before binning him and I’d want to feel convinced by his explanation. Maybe previous experience of gf’s mums were not positive despite him making an effort and he decided to downplay this time? You deserve explanation and he deserves the chance to explain.

My ex was like this. Biggest mistake of my life, get rid OP.

OP when he was swanning around in his towel, did he then go and stand to gaze out of the window? Did he treat your DM to his buns and did he perhaps flex them? 😂At least you DM now knows how fit and healthy he is.

How’s it going OP?

He sounds like one of my ex's and he turned out to be a mind game playing nasty control freak. Get out now!

Yup, pissing all over his territory, uck!

It’s not accident this happened when it did: Your mum comes to stay at your flat, this ton arrives and starts dick swinging to show her who really owns this territory (and you).

He was asserting his authority, and showing his right to strut around naked after showering in ‘his’ house, and wear inappropriately casual clothing to show how little he valued the experience, and by extension your mother.

The thing is with all these controlling dicks, is that their behaviour comes out in the little things they do, so naive or willingly blind people can tell you to ignore all the little signs and dismiss you as the one with the problem.

But you knew something wasn’t right, your instincts were screaming at you and when you started to describe more about what he was like, the pattern became very clear: this man is not a good prospect to say the least!

Showing signs of being a controlling, mean minded, selfish, woman hating dick.

You are well out of this, he will grind you down otherwise, and you’ll find yourself stuck in an awful relationship, isolated and unable to get him out of your home. Don’t do this to yourself! You deserve so much more.

Sorry for not updating sooner. So I ended it by text and blocked him. He sent me an email basically calling me a bully, messed up, a nasty piece of work and a control freak. It was quite upsetting to read all of that. I’ve since blocked his email address too.

Thank you so much for all of the support, it has been such a help.

Well that tells you all you need to know! Be thankful it happened sooner rather than later!

So now he shows his true self; you have done the right thing op, be glad you are shot of him.
And I'll bet your mum will be happy he's gone too.

good that you got rid

I read later that his mum makes his lunch etc. Don't be dating men like that, they just want another parent!

Thank God for mums. All it took was the relationship to go up a notch, ‘meet mum’, and he showed his true self. Mum didn’t even have to do anything. It’s also good he rushed you to meet her very early on, because it meant you didn’t have to waste anymore precious time with him. Imagine if you’d waited a yr to introduce him? Happy days!

Well, well, well - he called YOU a bully, messed up, a nasty piece of work and a control freak

Someone is projecting!

Well done Op.

Well done OP, delighted to hear that. He described himself in the email, didn't he?!

Upsetting as his reaction must have been, he has shown his true colours, and also confirmed that your gut instincts were absolutely correct.

I hope you have some nice things planned for your weekend.

Wow. Just read all of this and am so glad you ditched him op - that is utterly disrespectful behaviour! Glad you've blocked him too. Have you told your mum yet? I bet she says 'Oh thank fuck for that'

Contessa my mum is relieved. Apart from being disrespectful and cocky She said she didn’t like how he dominated the conversation and spoke only about himself. Whenever my mum or I spoke he lost interest pretty quickly, she said he came across as a very selfish man

Huzzah. Poster recognises huge red flag and dumps controlling, immature wanker! I feel like opening champagne! Well done OP!

great news OP.. he showed his true colours too... you had a lucky escape Lady

Don’t internalize that email. That was just a toddler tantrum because he didn’t get his way. Absolutely NOTHING to do with you.

Well done! and one for your mum too

Oh sweet jesus, you dodged a bullet there!! Well done OP. I'd expect behaviour like that from a clueless rude little 16 year old maybe, but not a man in his 30s!! Good riddance.

Thank fuck you dumped him! What an arsehole. I'd actually take a break from dating, your boundaries were skewed. There are a lot of threads on here and stickies on how to spot potentially abusive behaviour and this man was waving more red flags than a Labour conference.

And please, please, don't give the time of day to a mama's boy. They're all sexist pigs. Adults behave like adults and do their own lifework.

Well done OP, your posts were a bit NOPE for me.